


Why Can't I Breathe (Whenever I Think About You)

by cherryvanilla



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Background Relationships, Casual Sex, Cock Rings, Daddy Kink (Brief), Dirty Talk, Double Penetration, Emotional Constipation, Falling In Love, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, Long-Distance Friendship, M/M, Meet-Cute, Multiple Orgasms, Porn with Feelings, Pornstars, References to Depression, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Supernatural and J2 Big Bang Challenge 2019, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-04-23 18:15:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 46,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19156336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherryvanilla/pseuds/cherryvanilla
Summary: Jensen Ackles is a well-known name in the gay porn industry — at least his on-screen persona “JR Richardson” is. Already an industry veteran at age twenty-seven, he has the freedom to be selective with his gigs, a healthy love of casual sex, and zero interest in relationships.When his friend, sporadic fuckbuddy, and former scene director Jeffrey Dean Morgan calls him up with a rare request to audition, Jensen is completely unprepared for the force of nature that is Jared “JT Austin” Padalecki, or their immediate chemistry both on set and off.  As they quickly become best friends (with benefits), Jensen discovers that sex is infinitely more complicated when feelings begin to get in the way.





	1. Prologue and Act I

**Author's Note:**

> For the Supernatural/J2 Big Bang 2019. 
> 
> Inspired by some incredibly intimate OnlyFans videos of Austin Wolf and Armond Rizzo. I began thinking about J2 and how often they talk about their immediate chemistry and decided to flip the script, setting that fateful audition in the porn industry while still keeping much of their canonical history preserved. 
> 
> Thank you so much to emmatheslayer for the great accompanying art!! I've embeded the banner here, but please check out the masterpost [here](https://emmatheslayer.livejournal.com/581385.html) for more (nsfw) content! 
> 
> Massive, massive thanks to Kristophine for incredible beta. You transformed so much of this story. I appreciate all your comments and critiques more than you'll know, and am SO HAPPY I made you care about my boys! <33 And as always to Rena, who cheerlead this baby from its inception. :-*
> 
> Title from Liz Phair, which you can find on my soundtrack for this fic on Spotify [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/17azCVsVlb355NNnmjVYlM?si=_ctNY-QQSh-aNXdSyuu_ug).

**Prologue**

_What's a game of chance to you  
To him is one of real skill_

As a veteran in the business with a locked-in contract, Jensen doesn’t need to go through the casting call bullshit anymore. If anything other studios seek _him_ , out and if Randy Blue decides to loan him out, well, that’s at their discretion. Jensen can’t complain; he gets treated well and paid even better. Sure, it isn’t exactly the life he’d envisioned when he moved to Hollywood nine years prior, but he was also a naive eighteen-year-old kid back then who thought he’d coast on in to a cushy life of A-list stardom within two years.

Instead, he got cast on a soap opera that loved his twinkish looks but didn’t pay all that well. The more substantial TV or film casting calls never bothered with call backs. It was while he was at some swanky party thrown by one of the soap’s producers that a guy who’d been eying Jensen all night -- and sending over drinks -- finally cornered him and said he could make Jensen a star. 

As it turned out, he’d conveniently left out an operative word from that statement. And two days after they’d fucked in the backseat of the guy’s Maserati, Jensen, unbeknownst to him, made his way to his first ever gay porn audition. 

It wasn’t terrible. They were nice enough to him, eased him into the whole thing. Jensen was so nervous it took a fluffer for him to get it up, and even that took an embarrassingly long time. The guy had shrugged at him with a bored expression while slowly jacking his mostly soft cock and said, “shit happens,” like it was just par for the course. Jensen had realized it probably was. 

It’d taken him a few scenes to really get his feet under him. By his third video shoot Jensen began to feel as though he might have found his true calling. It had been exhausting pretending to be straight anyway, showing up at the daytime Emmys on the arm of his co-star who PR so desperately was trying to sell as his girlfriend. 

The work wasn’t exactly something he could boast about back home, but at least his bills had gotten paid and he could afford to fly his parents up for a weekend. (They had thought he was doing international TV commercials in addition to his soap opera stint, but it was just a little white lie.)

Eventually, Jensen’s soap role dried up, and so did everything else. Everything except the porn. So during his third year in L.A., Jensen had come clean with his family. His coming out was certainly made more dramatic by the gay porn inclusion; his sister thought it was cool, his brother thought it was weird, and his parents -- well, they didn’t have much to say. All they asked was that he stay safe. 

After that day, Jensen’s parents never asked him about work again and Jensen never brought it up, not even when he won Best Top two years running at the Adult Video Awards. It was kind of ironic, considering that Jensen had started out as an utter bottom the first few years of his porn career. People had looked at him with his frosted blonde tips and full, plush lips and thought ‘twink personified’. 

Once he’d grown into his face more, filled out and gone from “pretty” to “hot,” the market for him changed. He left Sean Cody, the first company he’d worked for, and its clean-cut twinky fratboy image behind and joined Randy Blue, where they reinvented him into a power top and actually allowed him to grow some facial hair. Hell, Jensen didn’t even have to have to wax his chest. It was there that Jensen really flourished, getting booked with some of the hottest stars in the business -- even some known onscreen “exclusive” tops, all because everyone wanted to see what Jensen could do to their asses. In his private life he still preferred bottoming, though he has certainly been known to switch it up. There was something about someone working him over though, or riding a dick until his thighs ached and his throat was raw. 

One person who did that for him, and then some, was Jeff “J.D.” Morgan -- industry vet turned director. They’d met during a shoot and hit it off immediately. 

Jeff had tried to date him for a hot minute, shortly after the first time they fucked. Jensen didn’t do the boyfriend thing much. It was kind of hard (no pun intended) in this business. He’d nearly caved to Jeff at first, but he could only see things ending messily and it simply wasn’t worth it. Jeff had taken it in stride. He wasn’t nursing some secret heartache. 

They’d ended up in a semi-regular hookup situation (“I’m too old to call this a booty call,” Jeff had said) whenever Jeff was in town to do a shoot. Jensen was more than happy to have someone in his private life who could give him a high-quality deep-dicking. Jeff knew all of Jensen’s buttons, pushed every fucking one and then some, and it was nice to get it so good when it was his day job to be giving it. 

And that had pretty much encapsulated the past few years of Jensen’s life: uncomplicated sex with a hot older guy, a booming career, steady work, and a “can’t complain” laid back attitude. He might not be in love with L.A, might’ve been feeling restless about his location as of late, but for the most part things were good. Simple.

And then Jared Padalecki came along, and turned Jensen’s uncomplicated life into anything but.  
____________________________

**Act One**

_August 2005_

_I’m quiet you know  
You make a first impression_

Seeing as it’s well-known that Jensen _doesn’t_ have to go through the casting call audition process anymore, he’s all the more surprised when his handler at Randy Blue tells him Jeff has requested he audition this weekend for one of their new videos. Jensen side-eyes the request. For one, Jensen usually gets the cream of the crop for any new Randy Blue video that might be suited for him, without having to be tested with another model. Then there’s the fact that it’s Jeff doing the requesting. The whole thing has shady written all over it. 

_you know, if you want to fuck me this weekend, you can just ask me. No need to set up some “casting call”_ is what Jensen ends up texting Jeff from his Blackberry (courtesy of Randy). 

Jeff has been freelancing for a while and hasn’t directed a RB video in quite some time now. He’d started out in the business as a dominant top, starring in a lot of daddy kink videos before eventually switching to the director side of the biz. 

_(They flirted hard and heavy the first time Jeff directed him. Jensen only knew him as J.D. back then. There was playful teasing before the cameras had begun rolling and even more so when Jensen was balls deep in someone else’s ass._

_Jensen was spent after a long day of filming, but he hadn’t missed the heated looks J.D had thrown his way after he walked out of the shower in only his towel._

_“How about you come by my hotel tomorrow and I’ll show you the dailies?” J.D. suggested after Jensen put on a show getting dressed in front of him._

_Jensen was absolutely okay with that._

_“I don’t normally do this with the models I shoot,” J.D. said without preamble when Jensen showed up at noon the next day._

_Jensen scoffed. “You’d be one of the only ones who don’t.”_

_“Yeah,” J.D. agreed before pulling Jensen into the room for a searing kiss. They lost their pants and shirts and were on the bed in ten seconds flat. Jensen pulled him in, feeling up J.D.’s thick, hot cock through his boxers._

_“Fuckin’ drove me crazy that entire goddamn shoot, boy,” J.D. rasped out. Jensen could only groan and shamelessly wrap his legs around J.D.’s back._

_“Good,” he breathed, shivering all over. “Because all I could think about all day and night was your cock inside me, J.D., fucking me open.”_

_“Jeff,” he’d groaned into Jensen’s neck. “Call me Jeff.”_

_Jensen didn’t so much ‘call’ him Jeff as he did moan it when Jeff sucked him down to the root, shout it when Jeff rimmed him until he was shaking and sloppy and ready for so much more, scream it when Jeff fucked him hard and fast and so goddamn deep, and pant it as he came, gasping into the bedsheets._

_Then Jeff guided Jensen’s boneless body into the shower and fucked him again, slowly this time, pressing kisses all over the smattering of freckles along his shoulders, their bodies barely moving under the hot stream._

_It was a pretty great start to their casual relationship.)_

Jeff’s response to his text comes a few minutes later. 

_sweetheart, i’m absolutely going to fuck you this weekend, but that’s neither here nor there. Your presence is required. Trust me on this one._

Jensen is no less perplexed after Jeff’s response, but now he’s both perplexed _and_ horny. It’s been way too long since he’s seen Jeff, much less had him between the sheets. Jeff had been dating some guy close to his own age for the past year and a half or so. A few months ago he told Jensen it had ended. Jensen felt bad for him; Martin had seemed like a decent guy. He can’t feel too bad right now, though, knowing he’ll have that dick again. And mouth. And hands. 

Jensen continues to attempt to suss out the true deal behind all this, but Jeff won’t budge and his handler’s lips are sealed. 

When Jensen finally shows up to the warehouse space that Randy rents out for these kinds of things on Saturday, it’s kind of surreal. The “casting couch” is set up, the same type that sometimes features at the start of studio porn vids, where they act like this is the very first time these two models have met one another, ask them the standard questions, ask if they’re ready to go at it. It’s all fucking fake, just like many things in the industry. Instead, the real meeting happens during the actual casting process, which is a week or so before the shot (unless -- like in Jensen’s and many of the other household names case -- you’re cast based on who you are and with another well-known porn star they want you to literally do.)

It’s usually only the models and the director in the room. Sometimes it’s filmed, sometimes it's not. Either way, the public never sees it. One of the most famous “casting couch” scenes is from a shoot his buddies Tom and Mike did a few years back. It was set up as though they’d only just met that day and were utterly falling for one another on camera, even unable to keep their hands off each during breaks onset, which got caught on film. In actuality, they’d randomly met at a party two weeks prior and hadn’t stopped fucking up until the shoot. Even when the porn industry attempted “romance”, it was still always manufactured to a degree. 

So, yeah, it’s weird that Jensen is about to have a real casting couch experience again after not having done this in years. He still doesn’t trust that any here is legit and raises an eyebrow when he spots Jeff in the corner of the sparse room, standing over a desk. 

“Seriously, man?” Jensen spreads his arms wide, gesturing at their surroundings. “If you wanted to act out some fantasy, we could just do this in my apartment. Seem to remember you loving _my_ couch.” 

“Correction: I love the way you look bent _over_ your couch,” Jeff replies, that gravelly voice going directly to Jensen’s dick just like it always has. 

He suppresses a shudder and moves forward. “Yeah, well… can we maybe get to that?” 

Jeff laughs, eyes sparkling with mischief as he closes the distance. “Patience, sweetheart. I’ve got a surprise for you first.” 

Jensen rolls his eyes but groans nonetheless when Jeff leans in and licks behind his ear before tugging on the lobe with his teeth. 

“A fuckin’ casting call is _not_ the kind of surprise I’m into, man.” 

Jeff chuckles again, slapping Jensen’s ass and making him jump. “Such a goddamn diva.” 

“You love it, old man,” Jensen lears. 

He watches Jeff’s eyes darken, knows that look well. Jensen is about to press in close again when he hears a throat clearing behind them. 

Jensen turns to find -- the most gorgeous guy he’s ever laid eyes on (and Jensen has seen many a gorgeous guy, in various states of undress) standing in the doorway. This guy, even fully clothed, blows them all away. 

“Um. Hi. This is the Randy Blue audition, right?” 

Jeff smiles widely and steps around Jensen toward the guy. “Indeed it is,” he says. “And you’re JT Austin. Nice to meet you, son. Just call me Jeff.” 

Jensen mouths the word ‘son’ to himself and rolls his eyes. 

“Jeff, hi, yeah. I remember -- I mean, obviously you were kind of a big deal.” 

Jensen rolls his eyes even harder now. He hates a kiss-ass. 

Jeff, on the other hand, just laughs happily. “Thanks, kid. And this here is --” 

“JR Richardson,” JT breathes, taking long strides forward, his hand shooting out to shake Jensen’s vigorously. “I’ve seen everything you’ve ever done, man. You’re incredible.” 

Alright, so maybe there was something to be said for this kiss-ass thing. “Um, thanks, man.” 

JT’s cheeks are tinged pink, matching the color of his ridiculous striped button-down. His jeans are tight and Jensen can make out the outline of his package even past the tails of his shirt. Dear god. He licks his lips, mouth suddenly dry.

“I’m sorry, I’m not sure I know you…” Jensen begins. If he was honestly getting paired with a porn virgin he would kill Jeff. Slowly. Jensen did _not_ break in virgins, no matter how much they might’ve been fucked already in their personal lives. 

JT blushes even more, now looking down in embarrassment. “Oh, right. Well--” 

“Don’t mind him, JT. _JR_ here is normally out of the loop unless it concerns himself.” Jeff shoots him a pointed glare and Jensen raises his eyebrows in a silent ‘what’d I do?’ 

“You’ve gained a lot of interest through your stint with Helix, but as we all know, the longevity with that company is limited.” 

JT looks up, surer now before nodding. “Yes’sir. S’getting harder to pass for nineteen when you’re really twenty-three. I mean, I got a late start to begin with, only shooting my first video about a year ago but -- it just seemed like now might be the right time to move on.”

Jeff hums in agreement, and it’s all becoming clear to Jensen now. “Exactly. And Randy Blue would like to give you shot, at least with this project. When I proposed the idea of the three J’s potentially working together, the boys upstairs nearly creamed themselves.” 

JT laughs, somewhat nervously, and Jensen finds he can’t take his eyes off the kid. Man. Whatever. He’s -- god, he’s fucking adorable, all earnest eyes and floppy hair and legs that go on for days. Jensen suddenly didn’t feel insulted that he’d been paired up with some wet-behind-the-ears twink who was barely on the radar yet. No, he felt like he needed to give Jeff the ride of his fucking life for making this happen. When he looks over at him something must read on Jensen’s face because Jeff smirks and mouths, _You’re welcome_.

Some days, Jensen fucking loves his job.  
__________________________

“Alright, boys, we’re just here to assess your chemistry today. I’ll tell you about the scene and we’ll see if you’re even interested. It’s not so niche that we can’t shoot with other models, but, well -- we’d like you both, if it all works out.” 

Jensen nods, barely listening. They’re the same lines he’s heard for years. JT, however, is all ears; eager-eyed and earnest, sitting forward on the couch with his elbows on his knees as opposed to Jensen’s slouched, legs spread position. 

Jeff eyes Jensen disapprovingly, but Jensen just sticks his tongue out. 

“Alright, the scene is a rather cliche roleplay. Doctor’s office. JR, you’re the doc -- JT, you’re there for an appointment. Queue JR asking you to take your shirt off and sparks fly. You make out. JT, you get down on your knees and blow him. JR, you spread JT out on the exam table and suck and rim him. Then you bend him over the table and fuck him, with JT ending up on his back on the table. You’ll finish on one of those wheely doctor chairs with JT riding you. You’ll make him come while you’re still fucking him, then he’ll get on his knees and suck you and you’ll come on his face. Condoms, no bareback. And some fingering before/during the rimming. Still interested?” 

Jensen is normally completely unaffected when he hears details about scenes. He’s a professional after all and this is his job. But sitting there just now, listening to Jeff go into detail (despite his deliberately clinical delivery) while watching a novice like JT bite his lip and shift on the couch cushion while the described actions escalated -- well, fuck, he was a definitely a little chubbed up himself. 

“Sounds fine to me,” Jensen manages, hoping he sounds less affected than he feels. 

He watches JT drag a hand through his hair and can’t help but wonder if it feels as soft as it looks. “Yeah, um. Sounds good.” 

Jeff looks between them, smirking. “Well, alright.” Jeff walks over to the desk and comes back with two pieces of paper, handing one to each of them “Here’s some of the opening dialogue. Let’s have you do a cold read, up through JT taking off his shirt and the kissing.”

Jensen’s eyes cut to JT, watches his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows hard. “Yeah, cool,” JT says and turns to Jensen, smiling softly, almost shy, before his eyes scan the paper. 

Jensen smiles back, sitting up straight. He places his free hand on JT’s shoulder and the guy nearly jumps out of his seat. 

Jensen grins, kneading the tense muscles he can feel beneath his grip. “Relax, man. I don’t bite. Much.” 

JT laughs, his cheeks pink again. “Sure thing, _doc_.” Jensen does feel the tension in his shoulders ease, though. 

“Stage fright?” 

JT shakes his head, scanning his lines again. “Nah, I’m usually fine.” 

Jensen lets that interesting wording go and finally looks at the scene himself. He rolls his eyes and glances toward Jeff. “Please tell me you didn’t write this.” 

“Hell no,” Jeff snorts. 

Jensen sighs. Might as well get on with it. After all, it’s not like he was on the fast track toward the Oscars. 

“Hi there, Tyler, I’m Dr. Wilson. You can call me Brad, though.” 

JT smiles winningly, immediately turning it on, and damn if Jensen’s heart doesn’t stutter momentarily.. “Hi, doc.” 

They shakes hands, and Jensen shivers. They stare at one another for a moment, before Jensen realizes he’s got words to say. 

“So, what can I do for you today?” 

“Well, I just got this awesome new job, which also means better insurance and well, I had to choose a new doctor and a bunch of my friends recommended you and your amazing work.” 

“I see,” Jensen says, trying not to laugh at how bad this shit always is. There’s a smile tugging at JT’s lips too, showing they’re both on the same page,and it feels good. “Well, let’s get your shirt off to start with.” 

JT gives him a look that absolutely smolders. He puts the paper down on the coffee table before slowly undoing each of his buttons. Jensen helps him push it off his shoulders, dragging his hands down JT’s arms in the process and getting a good look at his chest. Christ, he was really missing out not having heard of this guy before. He makes a mental note to google every single JT Austin Helix video when he gets home. 

Once JT is shirtless Jensen turns toward him more, pretending he’s got a stethoscope since that’s what the scene calls for. He places one closed fist on JT’s chest, reaching behind him to place his palm flat on his upper back. 

“Now, deep breath in.” 

He feels JT’s skin ripple beneath his touch as he does so, the steady thump of his heart that speeds up as Jensen continues to touch him. 

“Again,” Jensen says, and JT repeats the action. “And one more time.” 

The scene calls for Jensen to check his blood pressure next, so he pretends to do that, grip firm on JT’s forearm while his other hand slowly caresses his bicep. 

Their faces are close based on how they’re seated, and Jensen can feel JT’s shallow breathing against his face, can feel his eyes on him. 

It’s hot, hotter than the scene itself probably would be, because it doesn’t feel clinical right now, not even with Jeff sitting right across from them. It feels -- fuck, it feels natural. Jensen’s not sure he’s ever connected this fast with any of his other co-stars, like the entire thing was just foreplay. 

“It’s perfect,” Jensen murmurs, because that’s what the script calls for, the words ringing too true in his ears. “120 over 80, which is normal.”

JT hums and looks at Jensen through his eyelashes. 

Jensen clears his throat, which _wasn’t_ in the script, but whatever. “Alright, let’s take your temperature.” 

It’s so awkward doing this without props; Jeff really should’ve brought some along. He grips JT’s jaw like the script calls for and mimes as if he’s putting a thermometer between his lips, watching the pink of JT’s tongue as it swipes over his own lip quickly. 

Jensen places a hand on his shoulder as they wait for the reading, like the script calls for, and JT looks up at him, those big puppy dog eyes a hell of a lot darker now than they were before. 

Jensen swallows, a jolt of lust shooting right to his dick. It startles him, makes him hold JT a little tighter. Sure, Jensen gets hard during shoots, of course he does. But it’s rarely just from touching another model, at least not unless they start kissing. Even then Jensen often isn’t thinking about what’s currently happening, as it was still rather clinical what with a whole crew watching. Most of the time he gets lost in a fantasy starring one of his favorite actors, or pulling up a memory of some great sex from his past, largely featuring Jeff. 

Jensen’s jolted back to the here and now, because this was the part where JT is meant to begin rubbing at Jensen’s dick. And (fuck!) he was doing it, feeling Jensen’s very obvious semi in the process.

Mortified, Jensen averts his gaze, even as JT keeps staring at him because it’s what the damn script calls for. It was one thing to already be hard during the shoot, since the scene _does_ call for Jensen to be hard right now, but christ this was only a cold run. 

“Seems like you’re good,” Jensen says, voice shaking as he pretends to look at the thermometer. He looks down pointedly to where JT was massaging his dick through his jeans. “Seems like we’re good as well.” 

Their eyes meet and Jensen can barely breathe.

“Yeah,” JT whispers, before pulling him in, still rubbing at his cock, which is getting even fuller. The second their lips touch Jensen knows he’s in trouble. JT’s mouth is soft and slick. They kiss shallowly for a few moments before Jensen licks his way inside. JT moans softly into his mouth, shocking for not being some exaggerated, drawn out sound. Jensen pulls him in closer with the hand on his neck, biting at his lips until they’re kissing frantically, breathless for long moments. 

Everything is wet and hot and a bit too perfect for porn. JT tastes incredible; mildly minty breath, maybe a hint of orange beneath that. Jensen’s tongue tangles with his as he licks behind his teeth and groans against his lips. 

Eventually, Jeff clears his throat. Right, Jeff. Jeff, who is still in the room. 

Because this is a god damn audition. 

Jensen pulls back, cheeks hot, and looks sheepishly at JT.

JT stares back at him, similar expression on his face, a rose-red blush on his cheekbones and his lips plump. 

“ _Well_ , thank you for that,” Jeff says, sounding way too amused, and definitely a little turned on. Jensen knows quite well what that sounds like. “Seems like chemistry certainly won’t be an issue here.” 

Jensen pulls away immediately, straightening up. “What can I say, I’m good at what I do.” 

“Mmmhmm,” Jeff hums. Jensen studiously avoids meeting his eyes. “Alright, I just want to get a few teaser promo shots. JR, shirt off. Let’s do a few casual ones on the couch, all smiles, then we’ll have you stand and do a few underwear only sexy shots.” 

Jensen groans internally, wills his semi to go down. He shucks off his shirt and flops back against the couch. When he looks over at JT he’s staring, gaze still dark. Jesus christ. 

They manage the few shots, arms over one another’s shoulders, smiling indulgently at Jeff’s camera without any issues, despite Jensen’s skin tingling every place JT is touching him. 

It’s when they’re disrobing down to their underwear that Jensen nearly loses it. 

“What are those?” he asks, staring at JT’s obscene briefs that contain some sort of… _pouch_ that leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination. Well, at least he wasn’t the only one turned on here. 

“Oh, uh. SAXX. They’re... ergonomic. For, uh. Comfort.”

“Christ,” Jensen breaths out. The guy needs a whole pouch? 

Tearing his gaze away he catches Jared’s lips twitch in a pleased grin. 

“Nice choice, JT.” 

Jensen rolls his eyes at Jeff and drops his own pants unceremoniously, exposing his perfectly normal briefs. 

“And you too, Jen. Always did like the way you look in grey.” Jeff winks, purposely going for sleazy and Jensen’s cheeks heat. He feels JT’s eyes on him, silently questioning, but not saying anything. It’s then he realizes that Jeff called him ‘Jen.’ JT wouldn’t have known his real name up until this point. 

They do a few shots where they stand close together like they’re about to kiss, then one with their arms wrapped around each other and JT’s head bent to Jensen’s neck, nearly touching him. The heat radiating off his body is nearly suffocating. Jensen tries and fails to not shiver when JT’s mouth brushes over his throat for the last shot. 

Then Jeff is clapping his hands and telling them they’re all set. 

“That was great. You boys can get dressed while I email Eric. The costumes are going to be jean shorts and a white tank top for you, JT. JR, you’ll be in khakis, a shirt, and a doctor's coat over it. Send me your sizes in an email so I can let wardrobe know.”

Then Jeff is heading to the desk in the back of the room, leaving them alone. 

“You, um, you’re pretty good at that.” JT looks down as he buttons his pants, color still high on his cheeks.

“At what?” 

JT looks at him from beneath his lashes. “Kissing.” 

Jesus. Now _Jensen’s_ blushing. This guy, man. “Thanks. Um, you too.” 

JT looks like a kid in a candy store at that, as if the guy’s never been told how good he was before. Jensen finds that hard to believe. 

“So, this should be fun,” says JT, buttoning up his shirt. 

Jensen finishes up his own jeans, pulling his shirt on. “Yeah, shitty dialogue aside.” 

JT laughs. “I’ve done worse.” 

They shoot the shit for a little while, comparing terrible porn openings as if they hadn’t just had their tongues down one another’s throats ten minutes prior. Jensen feels loose around this guy. Like he doesn’t have to be on, or even be JR Richardson. 

So he shouldn’t really be surprised when JT says, “Name’s Jared, by the way. Padalecki,” but he still is. 

“Pada-what now?” Jensen replies, thrown. A lot of guys in the business took pains to never let it be known, only to people they considered friends or -- well, people they fucked for fun. 

Jensen isn’t sure which of those Jared is hoping to be. 

Jared grins, rolling his eyes like he’s heard that one a million times. “Padalecki. It’s a mouthful, I know.” 

Jensen can’t help himself, has to do a slow glance down to Jared’s crotch and then back up again, raising his eyebrows.

Jared laughs delightedly. “Man, you are shameless.” 

“Obviously. I’m a pornstar.” Jensen replies cheerfully, then pauses a moment, coming to a decision. “And my name’s Jensen. Jensen Ackles.” 

Jared opens his mouth, but before he can say anything, Jeff is standing beside Jensen, hand on his shoulder. “Aww, you two boys becoming friends? Have you figured out yet that you both use Texas cities as your porn names?” 

Jensen’s eyes widen, looking at Jared. “Really? You’re from Texas?” He _thought_ he’d detected an accent, but it was pretty subtle. 

“Mmmhmm. San Antone, but it didn’t exactly fit too well, so I went with Austin. Been a few times, would love to live there one day.” 

Jensen nods. “Only been once, but it was cool. From Richardson originally, near Dallas. Hence the name.” 

Jared smiles softly. “It suits you.” 

Jensen smiles back helplessly before silently telling himself to get a grip. 

Jeff’s hand had dropped from his shoulder during the exchange, but he’s looking between them curiously. For the first time, Jensen feels awkwardness set in.

“You heading out?” Jared asks, still all smiles in Jensen’s direction.

The thing was, he could easily leave with this guy. Could lose himself in some southern comfort and dimples. But Jensen feels as though he needs to take a step back, get his bearings. In fact, he knows exactly what he needs to do.

“In a few, man. Gonna catch up with Jeff here. You go on and I’ll see you next week?”

Jared looks between them, a vague question his eyes, before nodding. “Looking forward to it. Jeff, thanks again.”

They shake hands once more and then Jared walks away, his tight ass and long legs a god damn gorgeous sight as he leaves, the door swinging shut behind him. 

“God. Jensen feels like he’s just run a mile, his lips still tingling from Jared’s kisses earlier, his skin still hot from his touch. 

“Right?”

Jensen groans, finally letting himself feel everything he’d tried so hard to suppress during the casting call. Feeling his dick harden even further, hot and heavy in his jeans,I so fucking turned on. He tries not to think about how it’s not just his body, how every part of him wants to gravitate toward Jared. 

He ignores it though and turns to Jeff, eyes dark. “Jeff.”. He needs this, needs it right now. 

“How much do you love me right now?”

“Christ,” Jensen groans and takes two long strides over to Jeff, then walks them back until Jeff hits the desk. 

The kiss is brutal, hard, in contrast to all the torturous foreplay Jensen just had to endure.

Jeff sucks on his tongue, cupping his ass and squeezing hard. 

“Knew you’d be great together, knew he’d be just your type,” Jeff says roughly, his beard scratching against Jensen’s neck. “They wanted the whole formal audition, but they were going to leave it up to me anyway.”

Jensen has had his share of hot co-stars in the past. Never one that made him so hot offscreen, made him want to be completely unprofessional before they even shot together. Not one that’d turned Jensen on so much before they’d touched, or had him blushing like a teenager. After filming, all bets were off. You could do whatever the fuck you wanted, it was your life, no one cared. But before filming, performers weren’t supposed to get together for full on sex. 

Tom and Mike had broken the rule, and it had worked out in their favor. But they were also stupidly in love going on five years now. They were the exception. 

“Got me so turned on,” Jensen gasps against Jeff’s throat, feeling almost shamed. “Just sitting there, even before we started making out.”

Jeff, as predicted, passes no judgement. 

“I saw. Christ, you two would’ve kept going if I hadn’t stopped you. Pretty sure he didn’t _want_ to stop, either. Pretty sure he wanted you to walk out with him.”

“Oh god.” Jensen shudders, pressing his dick against Jeff’s thigh. He can feel the pre-come gathering around the head from within the confines of his briefs. The thing is, Jensen is pretty sure of that too, and Jeff’s raspy voice in his ear voicing it is almost too much. 

“You want that, baby? Wanna take him home, have him fuck you long and hard, just the way you love it?”

They’ve never done anything like this before, never talked about fantasies of other models, and they’ve definitely never fucked after just having auditioned with one but Jensen wants this so bad, mind still on Jared’s everything. “Fuck. Fuck, yes.”

Jeff growls, low and deep. “Yeah, yeah, get that pretty dick inside you, taking it all like I know you can.”

Jeff’s pornstar experience pays off tenfold in his dirty talk. The majority of the time Jensen found porn dialogue to be ridiculous, but not with Jeff. There was something about his deep, rumbling voice and smooth delivery of even the most cliche of lines that made it all hot. 

The phone sex between them when Jeff was out of town had been, hands down, some of the best sex of Jensen’s life without another person physically present. 

“Please,” Jensen whimpers. “Not gonna, fuck, man, not gonna last long.”

“Okay,” Jeff breathes, hands going to Jensen’s fly while he sucks hard on Jensen’s Adam’s apple. “Okay, sweetheart, I got you. You’re gonna come in my fist first and then you’re gonna sit that gorgeous ass down on my face until you’re ready for me to fuck you. You want that?”

“Oh my _god_ , please,” Jensen says, far past shameless. It’s been too long since they’ve done this, since he’s been in Jeff’s capable hands. He hisses when Jeff pulls his dick out, his grip just this side of too dry yet perfect all at once. 

“Fuck.” Jeff’s mouth is all over Jensen’s neck, his chin, his jaw, constantly moving, beard stinging his skin with every scratch. “You’re gonna be the death of me, you both are. Not sure how I’m gonna get through the scene without creaming myself.”

“Jeff,” Jensen moans louder as Jeff spreads pre-come down Jensen’s dick, jerking him harder, making his thighs quake. 

“And you know me, I don’t do that shit.” 

“Consummate professional.” Jensen feels lightheaded, mouthing wetly at Jeff’s cheek, pressing up onto his toes. 

“Yeah, but jesus fuck, the two of you. Gorgeous together. Almost didn’t want to stop you earlier.”

“Mmm. Shouldn’t have. Bet you wanted to join, too,” Jensen presses up firmer into Jeff’s hand, riding his thigh. “You want us, Jeff? Tell me, man.”

Jeff twists his fist viciously, groaning along with Jensen as he does so. “Christ. Wanna fuck you from behind while you fuck him, Jen. Those long legs of his over both of your shoulders and mine as well. Wanna watch you ride him while I feed you my dick. Want him to come all over that gorgeous face of yours.”

Jensen loses it at the words, his knees locking and body going first stiff and then boneless as he comes all over Jeff’s fist, crying out against his shoulder. “God! God.”

Jeff’s hands are stroking hard and strong over his sweat-soaked shirt as Jensen comes back to himself. 

“We gotta get on that couch, baby,” Jeff whispers, lust heavy in each syllable.

“Nghh,” is all Jensen can say. He lets Jeff guide him over, losing his pants, boxers and shirt in the process. 

“Too old for this shit, gotta be on my back,” Jeff grumbles and Jensen laughs. 

“You’re forty, man, not dead.” 

“Same difference,” Jeff grins at him while stripping his own clothes off, dick bouncing proudly outward as he drags down his boxers, stiff as a rock already and veins bulging. Jensen’s mouth waters at the sight. 

He says a small thank you for how long the casting couch is, before happily climbing over Jeff as he lies down. Jensen braces his hands on Jeff’s thighs, facing away from him and pushing his ass backward toward Jeff’s face. 

“God, yeah,” Jeff whispers. He spreads Jensen’s cheeks, cool air hitting his crack and making him shiver as Jeff’s breath ghosts over his hole, tickling the rim. He teases Jensen with the tip of his finger around the rim before finally closing the distance with his mouth. Jensen’s eyes fall shut, lip caught between his teeth at the first touch of Jeff’s tongue. 

“Fuck,” he moans, hands tightening around Jeff’s thighs as Jeff licks him over and over before pushing past the ring of muscle, tongue pointed and fucking in deep. 

“Fuck!” Jensen pushes backward, humping Jeff’s face shamelessly, his beard scratching along the inside of his cheeks. Jeff moans in appreciation and laps at him, face buried so deep as he eats Jensen’s ass like it’s the last fucking supper. 

“God. Oh, god, yes.” 

Jeff pulls back, bites the curve of one cheek. “You getting hard for me again, sweetheart?” He drags his beard along Jensen’s ass, making him groan. Christ, he’s missed this. “Just tell me when you want me.”

“Shit,” Jensen moans, head hanging low, so close to Jeff’s dick. His own is stiffening up and he starts sucking Jeff off to help it along, loving the feel of a hard cock in his mouth. 

Jeff starts moaning in earnest against Jensen’s ass, pulling his cheeks apart even wider and pressing sucking kisses to his hole while Jensen swallows him down. The sounds Jeff is making, coupled with the obscene noises of his mouth and the feel of his tongue inside him, have Jensen nearly flying out of his own skin, so turned on he’s shaking with it. 

Finally, Jensen pulls off, his mouth trembling, saliva dripping onto Jeff’s cock. “Now. God, now, I’m ready.”

Jeff wrenches away with a wet, gasping breath. 

“Thank Christ.”

Jensen rubs his cheek along the side of Jeff’s dick, laughing shakily. 

“Please tell me you have something,” Jeff mumbles, mouthing at his asscheek, and Jensen has to laugh again. 

“Course I do. I was meeting up with a newly single you, wasn’t I?”

Jeff slaps his ass as Jensen climbs off him. “That’s my good boy,” he intones, voice a deep rumble, and Jensen shivers all over.

He gets the condom out of his wallet with unsteady hands and tosses it onto Jeff’s chest before immediately getting back into position on his hands and knees, ass lined up right in front of Jeff’s dick. 

“Jesus,” he hears Jeff say, and then the wrapper is being torn open. 

Once on, Jeff’s hands close over Jensen’s hips and ease him back until he lifts up and then lowers himself, reverse cowgirl. 

“Oh yeah,” Jeff moans as Jensen slowly inches his way down, eyes closed against the stretch. Jeff is far from the biggest he’s ever had, but he’s obviously respectable given the fact that he was a pornstar. His dick is nice and fat, filling Jensen each time. The lack of prep with fingers makes it a tighter stretch than usual but Christ, is it good -- the pleasure and flash of pain blurring together. 

He rocks back onto Jeff’s dick slowly when he’s finally seated, testing the waters, and hears a sharp intake of breath. 

“God, yeah. Christ, baby, that’s it. Nice and slow, now.” 

Jensen groans. Jeff’s voice alone is porn in and of itself. He moves his arms backward, hands gripping Jeff’s biceps as he raises and lowers himself onto his cock. Jeff lets him set the pace, his hands all over Jensen, every place he can reach: his cock, his stomach, his nipples, the tops of his thighs. It’s overwhelming and too fucking good. 

Finally (as he always tends to) Jeff gets impatient. Jensen holds his breath as Jeff pulls him down so he’s lying flat, his back to Jeff’s chest as Jeff’s hips work upward, dick hammering into him over and over.

“Fuck. Fuck _yes_ , sweetheart.” Jeff’s voice is in his ear, mouth tugging on the lobe. 

“Oh god, Jeff.” Jensen shakes and moans in Jeff’s hold, pushing himself downward on every thrust up. The couch’s springs were squeaking with every sharp movement now and Jensen gasps up at the ceiling, blinking sweat out of his eyes as Jeff’s mouth works restless along his neck and beneath his ear. 

“Perfect. You beautiful, perfect boy. So good for daddy, aren’t you?”

Jensen’s breath catches in his throat, his dick stiffening even more. Jeff rarely ever pulls that stuff out, because most of the time it doesn’t do all that much for Jensen. But in times like this, when he’s vulnerable and trembling and needs to be worked over, taken out of his own head and lost in fantasies, well -- it becomes exactly what he needs. And somehow Jeff always seems to know just when that is. 

“Oh fuck,” Jensen replies weakly, voice shattered. 

“ _Aren’t you_ , sweetheart?” Jeff growls, nipping at Jensen’s ear. 

“Yes. Fuck, daddy, yes.”

The moan from Jeff’s throat is a guttural one, as if he wasn’t sure Jensen was going to play along. He fucks up harder, deeper, nailing him on each thrust, Jensen's legs spread wide, hanging off the edge of the couch along with Jeff’s, their ankles tangled together 

“So good for me, baby. Gonna make you come on daddy’s dick. You want that? That what you need?”

“Please,” Jensen practically sobs. “Daddy, please. Make me come. Take me.” 

“Oh my god. _God_ , just—c’mon, up,” Jeff says, pushing Jensen forward toward the arm of the couch, his dick tragically slipping free before kneeling in close behind him. 

“Shit,” Jensen groans as Jeff slides back inside and begins slamming into him desperately. 

“Christ. Oh fuck, I missed this sweet ass.” Jeff bites down on the back of Jensen’s neck. 

“Good,” Jensen moans. “Because this ass has missed - oh god - your dick. So don’t you fucking stop.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, sweetheart.” Jeff starts jacking Jensen, reaching down to where his dick is shoved up against the arm of the couch as Jeff presses in even deeper, his balls heavy, bouncing against Jensen’s ass with each thrust. 

“There. Oh fucking Christ, right there. Right there,” Jensen moans loudly as Jeff begins nailing his prostate again. 

“Yeah? Like that? Goddamn gorgeous boy. Daddy’s gorgeous boy.” Jeff’s voice is reverent as he pulls back to run his palm up and down Jensen’s spine, canting his hips and fucking in slow and deep, exactly where Jensen needs it, while his words light up every nerve ending in Jensen’s body. 

“Love it,” Jensen gasps. “Love it when you fuck me so deep, daddy.” 

Jeff curls over Jensen’s back again, mouth hot against his ear, lips grazing the shell as he speaks low and rough. “Christ, boy, if Jared could see you now. You want it, baby? You want his dick?”

“Yes,” Jensen cries out as Jeff pulls out all the way before slamming forward again. “Oh god, yes.” He’s gonna be so goddamn sore when this is over, but it’s so worth it. 

“Is that what you’re thinking about, sweetheart? Want him to be the one to make you scream, make you come? Or do you want me? Or do you want it all? The both of us on you, in you?”

Jensen can barely breathe, much less think. “All,” he gasps, barely audible. “God, give it to me, Jeff. Fuck me like he’d fuck me. Fuck me like you know I love it, god just do it all, please.” 

“Ngghh,” Jeff groans, hips jackrabbiting against Jensen’s thighs, his rhythm shot to shit now as his hand flies over Jensen’s dick. “Come,” Jeff orders. “Right now, baby, come for us both right fucking now. You goddamn beautiful thing.” 

And Jensen — god help him— does, screaming out his orgasm, coming all over Jeff’s fist and fucking back onto Jeff’s cock, his ass clenching until he feels Jeff’s body go stiff and his dick begin to pulse inside him erratically. 

“Oh my god,” Jensen gasps for air and blinks a few times, unable to focus, his body dripping sweat and his chest heaving. Jeff is plastered against him, still deep inside. His hand is cupping Jensen’s balls, rolling them slowly between his fingers. Jensen shivers. “Jesus Christ.” His ass is sore and the muscles in his legs are beginning to cramp up and god, but he missed feeling the after-effects of a good, hard fuck. 

“Tell me about it.” Jeff’s chest hair tickles along Jensen’s back with every breath. “Shit, sweetheart.”

That was — Jensen doesn’t even know _what_ that was. It had to be one their top three bangs of all time. At _least_. And for Jensen that meant his top three fucks _ever_. Although Jeff’s had a lot more sex (and more varied at that), he’s expressed to Jensen in the past that he was one of his favorites. Jensen can’t help but vaguely wonder if — given the opportunity — Jared might be able to overtake Jeff in that category. His body shivers at the very thought of it. 

“You know,” Jensen pants, head pressed against the arm of the couch, sweat dripping off his temples and onto the red felt, “it’s a shame you retired before we could do a scene together. Probably would’ve made bank, man.”

Jeff laughs against Jensen’s shoulder blade. “If anyone could ever make me come out of retirement, sweetheart, it’s you.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere.” Jensen happily stretches upright while Jeff moves along with him. 

“Just was everywhere.” Jeff tosses the condom in the wastebasket beside the couch. They flop down on their backs, naked and legs spread obscenely wide. It’s always so companionable with Jeff, post-coitially. With other people, Jensen gets itchy, hates hanging around. Jeff has been effortless from the get-go. Never weird or lovey-dovey, just nice. They could talk, kiss, and there was almost always a bonus round. 

Jensen drags a still trembling hand over his face. “Christ, I could use a cigarette.”

“Thought you quit a while ago,” Jeff says, voice amused. 

Jensen watches Jeff’s chest rise and fall, sweat-slicked and flushed, and rolls his neck against the back of the couch. “Yeah, well, I always wanna smoke after fantastic sex.”

Jeff turns his head towards him, raises one eyebrow. “Then you must be wanting to smoke all the time, darling.”

Jensen snorts. “Please, man, you know as well as I do it’s never as good as it looks on camera.” He rises, gingerly, to his feet, stretching and rocking a little on his heels. “Please tell me you’ve got some.”

Jeff laughs. “Yeah, in my jacket over the chair.”

“Sweet,” Jensen smiles, crossing the room. He can feel Jeff’s eyes on him as he goes and makes a show shaking his ass, just for fun. 

“And yeah, of course I know that, but a lot of it’s good, right? Hell, you wouldn’t stick around if you hated it.”

Jensen comes back to the couch, two cigs and a lighter in hand. Jeff doing that concerned thing made him sound far too much like a _real_ dad.

“Relax, man,” he says, lighting his cigarette and then Jeff’s, before taking a long drag, “I’m good. Better since I started topping on camera. Porn bottoms get the rough end of the deal, literally. And no one really cares if you come or not, or even if you’re hard. It’s better doing the fucking, but sometimes all the canned moaning and lighting setups and mic-testing and scene changes can be a real orgasm killer, you know that. And then the guys I meet at clubs usually recognize me and of course wanna get fucked instead of doing the fucking and — shit, man, a good, pounding fuck is hard to come by, believe it or not.”

Jensen wants to laugh at his own words. A porn star complaining about his sex life. Oh, the irony of it all. 

“And then I had to go and disappear,” Jeff says, as if he was finishing Jensen’s last sentence. 

Jensen gives him a hard look. “Jeff, fuck off, man. You fell in love. I would never begrudge that for the sake of casual sex, however incredible.”

Jeff scoffs, takes a slow drag before exhaling. “Love, yeah. And look where that got me.”

Jensen nudges Jeff’s bare shoulder with his own. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Not much to say,” Jeff replies. “I thought we were monogamous, he apparently thought otherwise. He was screwing models behind my back during shoots in Seattle.”

“Shit, man.”

Jeff laughs without humor. “Yeah. Honestly? I probably could’ve gotten over it if they weren’t models on my fucking shoots. I felt like a laughing stock. Came home to him screwing one in our bed, found out a good amount of the crew knew about it, too. 

Jensen winces. “That why you’re shooting for RB again?”

Jeff had been pretty steady with Corbin Fisher up in Seattle. Corbin Fisher also happened to secure hottest frat boy-type models in the business. Jensen would love to kick Martin’s ass. 

“Yeah,” Jeff sighs. “Needed to get back to my comfort zone before I figure out who I wanna work for next.”

Jensen strokes his shoulder. “Sorry, man.”

Jeff looks at him, smiling wistfully. “S’okay. This shoot is going to be fantastic and hey, I got the chance to give you that fuck you apparently needed.” 

“Mmm,” Jensen says, putting out his cigarette in an ashtray on the coffee table and doing the same to Jeff’s before slinging one leg over his thighs, settling in his lap. He loops his arms around Jeff’s neck and grins wolfishly down at him. “How about I suck your brains out your dick and then we go back to my place and see if you can get me to come for a third time today.”

Jeff’s eyes immediately darken and he pulls Jensen down to his lips. “Fourth,” he says when they’re a breath apart. “You’re going to come just from sucking my dick right now and then I’m gonna spread you out, lick you from head to toe for hours on end, make up for lost time until you’re begging to come all over my face.”

Jensen’s whole body shudders at the thought, his dick giving a feeble twitch. He presses their lips together and whispers, “Bring it on, old man.”

It isn’t until much later, when Jensen’s practically dizzy for having come so much, his entire body still tingling from every place Jeff’s mouth and dick and hands were, that he thinks about Jared again. It’s right before he falls asleep, Jeff having gone back to his hotel for the night. And weirdly enough, after everything, it’s only a snapshot of Jared’s smile that Jensen sees in his mind's eye before sleep overtakes him.  
___________________________________

There’s a little over a week until the shoot. Jensen sends in his measurements, signs the standard releases that he always does before a gig, and then doesn’t have too much else going on. He finds himself wanting to call Jared, except he doesn’t have his number and there’s no way in hell he’s going to ask Jeff for it, not willing to deal with the teasing and knowing looks. He half wishes Jared would ask for _his_ number from Jeff, but it was probably better that he didn’t. Jensen had a feeling he’d end up breaking the unofficial no fucking the talent before the scene rule, and even if he didn’t he’d probably end up jerking off multiple times a day and having less of a load for their shoot. 

Jeff is staying in town for pre-production stuff and to meet with Randy Blue and some other studios about future projects, so they get together in Jeff’s hotel a few days after the audition. He very pointedly doesn’t ask if Jeff’s heard from Jared and Jeff doesn’t bring him up. They order room service, throw on a basketball game and are making out on the bed before the end of the second quarter. Jensen’s not sure if his ass is up for another drilling so they end up just frotting together, Jeff pressing him into the mattress and kissing him breathless as Jensen palms his ass, squeezing hard. 

It’s nice, having sex on the regular again in his personal life, and great sex at that. It makes him wonder what it would be like to have that long term, but he shakes the thought off. 

Jensen spends the rest of his days until the shoot mostly the same way: he wakes up, works out, watches shit on Netflix, goes for a run in Griffith Park, meets up with Jeff at his hotel at night, or invites him over to his apartment (they re-break in Jensen’s couch; it’s awesome). 

In between that routine he’s also downloaded all of “JT Austin”’s videos. He watches one every night, after either getting back from Jeff’s hotel or when Jeff leaves his apartment, mostly because he’s hoping he’ll be too spent to jerk himself to Jared on screen. Sadly, he’s not. Jensen is used to coming a lot, given his day job, but this is getting ridiculous. Jared is unreal on screen. Long limbs and lithe body spread out across dark sheets, legs in the air, bent behind his goddamn _head_ as he gets fucked by other (usually blonde) twinks. 

Jared moans prettily and sucks cock like a dream, hair falling in front of those hazel eyes, and he’s always got a high rosy blush on his cheeks whenever he comes. And his cock — dear lord, his cock. He was huge, at least ten inches, maybe more, long with decent girth. It’s possibly the prettiest dick Jensen’s ever seen in his life and he can’t wait to get his mouth around it. He jerks off furiously, imagining his mouth stretched wide and full with Jared’s cock until his jaw aches from it. 

He sees Jeff again two days before the shoot and it’s their last scheduled visit. Jensen always abstains the day before filming to make sure he’s got enough juice in the tank. 

Jeff comes over to his place and they fuck on his bed, Jensen riding Jeff’s cock in slow, leisurely rolls, Jeff’s beard scratching along his throat and chest. 

“Cut that shit out,” Jensen gasps, “gonna leave marks that won’t fade and then you’ll get annoyed, Mr. Perfectionist.” 

“Mmm,” Jeff intones, very deliberately dragging his beard up the column of his throat, definitely leaving beard burn in his wake. “You love it, though.” 

He flashes on a thought of Jared being able to see the marks, and his stomach twists uncomfortably. “Yeah, I-- I do. But, c’mon, Jeff, seriously,” Jensen says weakly. 

Jeff pauses, as if he’s about to call him out, then says “All right,” low, and goes back to kissing him instead as they thrust together toward their climax.

“So, you all ready for your big scene, sweetheart?” Jeff asks after when they’re stretched out on their backs and smoking, shoulders pressed together. 

Jensen hums non-committedly. “Just a scene.”

Jeff regards him for a moment. “Uh-huh. Obviously thinking about it, though.” He touches Jensen’s neck pointedly. 

He should’ve known Jeff wouldn’t let that go, even though it _was_ truly just for the scene. Jeff never liked it when marks had to be covered by makeup on camera, especially since it would sweat right off during the shoot.

Jensen turns to him, irritation washing over him. “Seriously, man, despite whatever — whatever the hell that was after the audition or whatever else you’re thinking, he’s just a guy and it's just a shoot.”

Jeff exhales slowly, blowing smoke rings in front of them. “All right,” he concedes. “Gonna be great, though. I can feel it.”

“Uh-huh,” Jensen says, trying not to think about how much he agrees with that. Instead, he drags Jeff into the shower and sucks his soft cock until he gets hard again, then presses his still wet body into the sheets and rims him until Jeff’s shaking. Then he fucks Jeff on his back. They don’t normally do it that way, but Jeff had asked him to while Jensen was sucking him in the shower, and it's not like Jensen didn’t like it. He finishes Jeff off with his mouth after coming into the condom, and can’t help but wonder what Jared tastes like even as he’s swallowing. It’s ridiculous. He hasn’t fantasized this much about one guy since he was a teenager and fawning over movie stars. 

“You alright there, Jen?” Jeff asks when they’re laying together again. They’re both completely spent, but Jensen’s body is brimming with tension, tightly coiled even as Jeff slowly strokes up and down his arm. 

“Yeah,” Jensen says. “Yeah, I’m good, man.” It’s weird that he can talk about the things he’d love Jared to do to his ass with Jeff yet he can’t make himself admit that Jared is all he’s been able to think about since the audition.  
______________________

Jensen can’t remember the last time he was this nervous before a shoot. It’s stupid, Jared is some guy he met for about an hour. There’s no reason why it should feel like he’s known him so much longer, why there was some instant connection he couldn’t seem to shake. 

He walks into the studio they’re using today and Jared is already there, sitting in a chair with the script and shot list in hand, like there was so much to study. He’s already in his wardrobe for the scene -- white tank top that pulled tight across his chest and jean shorts. Somehow, he makes the look work.

“Hey, man,” Jared says, standing up and shaking his hand, all dimples. 

“Hey. Am I late?” Jensen looks around but doesn’t see Jeff. There’s some crew milling about the space that’s been set up as a doctor’s office.

“Nah. I kinda have a habit of getting every place super early. You’re good. “

“Cool,” Jensen nods, willing himself to stop eyeing Jared’s chest where his nipples are visible through his shirt. “How you been, man?” 

“Good, good,” Jared replies, dragging a hand through his hair in one delicious motion. “I’m uh, I’m kinda freaking out a little? This is my first non-Helix production, I really don’t wanna screw it up.” 

Jensen blinks at him, thrown by the genuine, non-canned reply. “Um. Well, don’t sweat it, man. You’re gonna be great.” Jensen reaches out an awkward hand, squeezes Jared’s shoulder. 

“Thanks,” Jared says, honest to god sincerity in his eyes. “That means a lot.” 

Their eyes lock and hold and Jensen’s breath catches in his throat. He kneads his fingers into Jared’s shoulder for a moment, the movement like second nature, and watches Jared visibly relax. It’s a heady rush and Jensen feels almost dizzy. 

“Oh, good, you’re both here,” Jeff says as he walks through the door. Jensen nearly jumps out of the skin; the guy seriously needs to work on his timing. “JR, get into costume, why don’t you?” 

Jensen rolls his eyes in Jared’s direction, who laughs as Jensen walks away.

“Get it together,” he whispers to no one but himself. At least his dick is already interested. That’s helpful. 

Before he knows it it’s business as usual. Jensen’s glad for Jeff’s presence. He’s always been great at diffusing any awkward tension and cracking jokes while still taking his job seriously. 

“Alright guys, let’s do this,” Jeff says, clapping his hands. Rob the sound guy and Rich the cameraman were already in position. Jeff had a professional camera in his hand for any still shots they wanted to get and then they were ready to go, Jared was already on the table, swinging those bare calves, muscles in his legs prominent. 

He smiles at Jensen encouragingly and Jensen steps out the door and closes it, awaiting his cue.

The beginning of the scene is a lot less awkward now that Jensen has his props and they’re both in position. The dialogue is still terrible but Jared’s delivery is — impressive. Natural. Jensen didn’t get to see any of that in the Helix vids he watched; the studio wasn’t known for its scenario setups, usually beginning with two twinks on a bed, already in the throes of heavy petting. 

Jared keeps giving him these secret, slanted half smiles as Jensen goes through the doctor routine with the stethoscope and blood pressure cuff and Jensen finds himself ducking his head and smiling right back. 

Jensen’s supposed to be hard by the time Jared reaches down to grope him. Sometimes that requires a stoppage to get things moving along off screen but it’s definitely not necessary this time. Jensen hears Jared’s quick intake of breath as he grasps his dick through his khakis. Then their eyes meet and Jared’s pulling him down for a kiss that’s somehow hotter than the first time even though it has absolutely no right to be. They’re in a room with three other guys, there’s Rich and a handheld movie camera off to Jensen’s left and Rob’s raised boom mic above him and more often than not this just isn’t sexy, even if it can feel good. 

But Jared is kissing his way into Jensen’s mouth like he’s never tasted anything better and Jensen’s gripping his upper arms hard and tight and somehow he’s not remembering exactly what the trajectory is supposed to be anymore. Does Jared’s shirt come off before or after he’s on his knees sucking Jensen’s cock? And more importantly, does he care?

He moans quietly when Jared pulls back enough to bite on his lip and then they’re groping each other frantically, breathing harsh and deep. Jared breaks away, kisses his way down Jensen’s jaw, his neck and if this wasn’t supposed to happen, well, Jeff can stop him because there’s no way Jensen is going to stop himself.

He pulls Jared back up to his lips before sucking his own trail of kisses down Jared’s throat, pausing at the delicious dip of his neck. He tastes clean and smells stupidly good, like he put cologne on before coming over. It’s endearing. Jensen mouths his way down Jared’s chest through his tank top and then bites over one nipple. 

The silence in the room is deafening in the face of their breathing. Jensen tugs Jared’s nipple between his teeth, delighting in Jared’s sharp gasp and the way his hands tighten around the back of Jensen’s neck. 

Then Jared’s pulling him up and they both nearly rip his shirt off in their haste to get it off. Jensen’s sucking Jared’s tongue deep into his mouth when he hears, “On your knees now, JT,” quietly from Jeff. Jensen knows it’ll be edited out later but he still flushes. They’ve obviously gone off the shotlist too long. 

Jared pulls away with one last nip to Jensen’s lips and looks flushed himself as he eases off the table and onto his knees in front of Jensen, tugging the tails of his white coat aside and getting at Jensen’s zipper while rubbing his face against the bulge in his pants. Jensen thinks that’s in the script. He’s pretty sure. 

His gasps when Jared pulls his dick out and jacks him slowly while looking up at Jensen from beneath his messy bangs and too long eyelashes is not feigned. Nor is the guttural moan that escapes his lips when Jared sucks him down.

Jensen’s hips jerk forward involuntarily and Jared’s hands immediately go up to hold him in place, slipping around the backs of his thighs. His mouth is hot and wet and he takes all of Jensen in one go, deepthroating him before pulling back to circle around the tip. There were no specific instructions for this, only _suck him long and hard, both deep and shallow, lots of tongue at the head._ Jensen was supposed to fuck Jared’s mouth at some point and moan words of encouragement. He can’t do either right now, too lost in the sensation of how tight and hot that mouth is as Jared’s cheeks hollow and he sucks Jensen even harder. He finally gets one hand working and he combs it through Jared’s hair, scratching at the scalp. It elicits a quiet moan that reverberates around Jensen’s cock and all he can do is bite his lip and close his eyes. 

“Good. Fuck, that’s good.” 

Jared moans in response back and Jensen has no idea if it’s just for show or not but god, he hopes Jared is getting off on this half as much as he is. Jared’s hands slide to his ass and pull his pants down a little more, slipping beneath the elastic of his briefs as Jared kneels. He sees Rich moving out of the corner of his eye to get a shot from the other side before he closes his eyes again, trying to block out that they’re still on set. 

Jared sucks him to the root before pulling off with a loud pop and swirling his tongue around the head again. Jensen has to look then, see that face. Jared’s cheeks are pink, his lips swollen. Jensen reaches out and cups his jaw. It makes Jared look up briefly, flash him a sweet smile that nearly knocks Jensen off his feet. Jared begins licking down his cock and over his balls, getting Jensen’s underwear and pants pushed down around his ankles. He’s nuzzling his face against the base of Jensen’s cock, and he wishes for moment he wasn’t waxed. Wishes Jared could bury his face in his hair and breathe him in. 

Jared licks his way up again and Jensen’s hands go back to his hair before he’s being sucked down again. This time Jensen begins fucking his face in earnest, hips snapping forward. Jared takes it all, the sounds of his mouth around Jensen’s cock obscene and hot. 

“God, yeah. Fuck, baby, so pretty,” Jensen babbles, grabbing onto Jared’s hair and fucking in harder as Jared’s fingers clench on his ass and he moans on Jensen’s dick.

They go on like that for a little while, Jensen mindlessly lost in the sensations, Jared pulling back every so often to breath and slurp around his cock before going right back down again. Jensen can vaguely hear the clicking from Jeff’s camera as he gets some still shots, and then “Alright, cut.”

Too soon cool air is hitting his cock in a whoosh as Jared pulls off. 

“Great, guys. Let’s just get some more promo shots before the action change.” 

Jensen nods vaguely, looks down at Jared who is still on his knees, mouth red and eyes dark. 

“JT, lean your face against JR’s inner thigh, facing me. Nice. JR, put your hand in his hair and look down at him.”

Jensen does, the sight of Jared’s profile almost too hot. 

“Good, now pull back, JT, and grab his dick at the base, hovering just near the head. JR, put your thumb on his bottom lip and hold his chin with the rest of your fingers.”

Jensen obeys, meets Jared’s eyes. Jared’s tongue inches out ever so slightly to touch against Jensen’s thumb, his eyes dancing with mischief. Jensen has to bite his lip so as not to laugh. He’s supposed to be smoldering, dammit. 

“That’s gorgeous. All right, you boys need a break or you good to pick up?”

Jensen clears his throat and pulls his hand away, realizing he was still staring. “I’m, uh, good.”

“Yeah, I’m ready,” Jared says. 

“Nice. Alright, JT, suck him all the way down once more, then start kissing up his body as you stand. JR, you’ll get him naked and up on the table and suck him off.”

Sure. Business as usual. Jensen takes a deep breath and waits for the scene to begin again. 

____________________________

It’s the oddest shoot of his life, like he’s on the outside looking in the entire time, too aware of his body. It’s also the hottest. 

Jared is unreal, and Jensen can’t stop kissing him. He’s sure they are going to go well over the runtime, but he can’t help it. Those lips demand kissing and Jared seems to feel the same way. Sucking Jared is better than he’d imagined, that huge dick even prettier in person. Jensen worships his cock, tries and fails to deep throat it all, but gives it a good effort. By the time he’s done Jared is panting and shaking on the table. Jensen feels extra proud of himself and is happy they didn’t stop the scene before Jensen begins rimming him. I

He eats Jared out with abandon, relishing in his moans. It’s almost easy to ignore the way Rich is hovering over his shoulder. Jared is bent in two on the table, knees up around his head while Jensen bends down and laps at him, tonguing his hole before fingering him and kissing all along his inner thighs. Jared’s moans aren’t loud like he’s heard him in prior movies, but instead broken, almost desperate. It makes Jensen so hard he hurts. 

Everything stops before the the actual fucking, as it always does. The crew takes a break, and condoms and lube are brought out. 

“Take five, guys,” Jeff says, head bent next to his camera, not looking at them. Normally this is when the scene’s bottom could go off and finger himself if he needs more prep, get a fluffer if his dick is wilting, whatever’s needed. 

There’s a separate room with a shower and bathroom off to the side and a break area with snacks and stuff set up in the next room over. 

Jared is watching him, blinking down at Jensen, before nodding off to the side. “Wanna um, help me out?”

Jensen gulps and nods quickly, following Jared to the bathroom and closing the door. They’re on each other in a second, mouths fused and hands roaming. Jared presses the lube into Jensen’s palm and bends down to lick and bite at his neck. 

“Fuck.” Jensen clumsily opens it with his arms still wrapped around Jared’s back. 

Jared moans and noses along his neck. Jensen never does this shit. Sure, he’ll make out and fondle a guy in the shower at the end of the shoot (even if there wasn’t going to be a shower tag), but messing around in between takes — well, it stunk of Mike and Tom, honestly. Jensen can’t stop, though, his hand sliding down Jared’s back and over his ass, teasing his crack with slick fingers. Jared spreads his legs eagerly and Jensen steps forward to stand between them, before pressing one finger inside. 

“Shit,” Jared whispers. He’s still wet from Jensen’s tongue and loose from his fingers. Jensen adds another finger, feeling the slick heat all around him get even slicker with the added lube. “God, that’s good.”

Jensen makes an unintelligible sound and squeezes his eyes shut. He mouths at Jared's shoulder, the side of his neck. Raising up on his tiptoes, he licks behind his ear, fucks him harder with his fingers, finds that spot that makes him cry out. 

“Oh, _god_.” Jared moans and spreads his thighs even further apart. 

“You need more?” His voice is a whisper as he sucks on Jared’s earlobe. 

Jared nods against him, his hair brushing Jensen’s forehead. “Yeah, gimme one more.”

Jensen does, fucking Jared wide on three fingers. Their heads turn, mouths meeting for a kiss that’s hot and wet and far too fucking good.

They’re panting against one another’s lips in time with Jensen’s thrusts when there’s a knock on the door. 

“Time, boys.” Jeff voice is far too amused for Jensen’s liking. 

He pulls away, groaning as he rests his forehead against Jared’s. 

“Thanks,” Jared says, voice low as Jensen pulls his fingers free and wipes them on a towel before washing his hands. Their eyes meet in the mirror and it’s then that Jensen knows they’re going home together after this. No question about it. 

He nods, all business, and walks out to get on with the fucking. 

___________________________

If Jensen thought Jared’s ass felt good around his fingers, it’s nothing compared to how it feels around his dick--far tighter than he had any right to be and hot as hell. Once fully inside Jensen has to take a moment to breathe, closer than he’s been in a long time merely from getting inside someone. Jared’s ass is half off the table, his legs over Jensen’s shoulders. 

He looks up at Jensen, eyes clear, before reaching up to clutch his shoulders. Jensen bends over him, pulls him in for a kiss. Then they’re biting at one another’s mouths as Jensen fucks in long, slow thrusts to start. He still has the white coat on and so Rich has to circle in close in order to get unobstructed shots of his dick thrusting into Jared’s ass. 

Jensen tries to focus solely on Jared as he sucks on Jensen’s bottom lip and moans against his lips. Jensen gives himself up to it, thrusting in harder and faster. He pulls back, shifts his head to the side to kiss Jared’s calf, his ankle. Jared is laid out on the table, body thrashing, face flushed. His eyes are glassy and his bangs are sticking to his forehead. He’s either a better actor than Jensen thought or he’s really, really into this. Jared’s cock is full and hard, bobbing up against his stomach. Jensen reaches down to jack it. 

After a few firm strokes, Jared hoists himself up so they’re locked together. He’s barely on the table now as Jensen fucks into his ass over and over, his dick trapped between them and their mouths fused. 

Jensen barely registers Jeff’s whisper of “the chair” before Jared is moving. He pushes Jensen away until he slips out and climbs off the table unsteady legs. Jared walks them backward to the small rolly chair that shouldn’t be able to hold them both, but hopefully will. 

Jensen groans when Jared pushes him down hard and climbs right back onto his cock. 

“God yeah, baby,” Jensen says when he’s fully inside that tight heat again, the words practically a whisper. Then they’re kissing again. Jared’s hips rock in small, shallow circles while Jensen clutches at his back. They’re supposed to take it slow for a bit until Jensen lifts him up and Jared begins bouncing on his cock in earnest. Jensen’s more than happy to keep it at this pace for now, kissing and gasping into one another’s mouths. It feels so fucking good, and he can’t help but voice as much, more for Jared than the camera.. 

When they’re finally (literally) rolling toward the finish line -- Jensen's hands on Jared’s ass, Jared slamming down onto his dick again and again, the chair moving and squeaking beneath them -- Jensen can hardly breathe anymore. His back is a sweaty mess beneath the coat. His thighs tremble beneath Jared’s weight. 

He jerks Jared off, rough and hard, biting at his mouth and swallowing his moans. 

“Gonna come,” Jared pants, wrenching his mouth away. “Fuck, I’m gonna—”

“Yeah.” Jensen can see Rich getting into position for the come shot just off to their left. “Yeah, c’mon, do it.”

Jared does after a half a dozen more pulls, still riding Jensen’s dick, his back arching in a beautiful bow as he shoots between them in thick, white ropes, his moaning sinful.

“Fuck, yeah,” Jensen chokes out, holding his hips still as Jared shakes and shudders on top of him. Jared collapses against his chest, breathing hard, and Jensen strokes his sweat-slicked back. He tilts his head up for a kiss, unable to remember if he’s supposed to and not caring if he isn’t.

“Cut,” Jeff says as Jared continues to tremble against him. “Gorgeous. Alright, whenever you boys are ready, JR, you’re gonna come on his face with JT on his knees in front of you. You need some time?”

Jensen’s dick twitches from where it’s still inside Jared and he shakes his head. “Nah, I’m good to go.”

Jared lifts his head, nodding. “Same.”

“Alright, let's do this. Get rid of the condom and we’ll pick it up with Jared sliding out of your hold and onto the floor.”

Jensen nods and they rearrange, disposing of the condom but leaving Jared’s come in place on their bodies before repositioning. They kiss, moaning quietly, and then Jared is slipping out of his arms, off his lap and onto the floor, licking up and down the sides of Jensen’s dick as Jensen jerks the base of his cock tightly. 

It doesn’t take long. He warns everyone that he’s about to shoot, and then Jared is staring at him with those big eyes and saying, “Yeah, give it to me,” parting his full lips. Jensen comes all over his mouth and cheek and face. 

Jensen’s loud throughout his orgasm, louder than he usually is on camera. His entire body feels wound tight as he shoots and shoots and shoots. Jared takes it all. His eyes are closed, a picture of pure bliss as some gets in his mouth while the rest paints his face. Jensen bends immediately to lick it all up, before pushing his tongue between Jared’s lips, kissing him wide and deep.

“And cut! That’s a wrap!”

The crew whoops but Jensen is still kissing Jared. Jared moans softly against him before they slowly break apart. Jared shoots him a sheepish grin and Jensen helplessly smiles back. 

“Very, very nice!” He hears Jeff say. Jensen finally turns to look at him. Jeff is hiding it well but Jensen knows he’s turned on, the heat in his eyes unmistakable. Jensen smirks at him and Jeff flips him off. 

One of the PA’s appears with some hand towels and two robes, which they shrug into after cleaning off. 

“Think you both know where the showers are,” Jeff says, amusement evident. He claps them both on the shoulder. “Seriously, very nice work today, guys.”

Jensen flushes a little before heading off to the bathroom with Jared. There are two adjacent shower stalls, but as they disrobe Jensen isn’t surprised when they both claim the same one.

They don’t touch at first, simply stand under the hot spray before soaping up. He feels Jared’s eyes on him and when he looks up it’s electric. They’re moving together before Jensen is even aware of it, kissing hot and open-mouthed like they didn’t just fuck like rabbits, hands slick and greedy. 

They wash one another’s chests while kissing, and then take care of the rest themselves before moving into each other’s space again, arms around backs, hands on each others asses. 

“You wanna come home with me?” Jensen finally rasps out between kisses.

“Thought you’d never ask,” Jared replies. His smile is so big and dumb that Jensen has to kiss him again. 

He is so seriously fucked.  
________________________________

Jared leaves first after they dry off and discreetly exchange numbers. Jensen texts him his address and then gives a brief wave to Jeff before sneaking off himself. The crew is packing up and Jeff is still too much in complete director mode to put the pieces together. Jeff isn’t stupid, though, and Jensen definitely isn’t going to get off (no pun intended) that easily, but at least he can postpone the inevitable third degree for a bit. This is exactly why becoming friends with your director -- and worse, buddy-fucking him-- is a bad idea. 

It’s times like this when L.A. traffic is the most frustrating. Jensen just wants to be in his apartment already, with Jared’s mouth beneath his own, coaxing out those gorgeous sounds. 

When Jensen finally arrives at his apartment in West Hollywood -- struggling as always with the street parking -- Jared is already standing in front of his complex, hands in his jeans as he shuffles from one foot to the other. It’s too adorable a move for someone he just fucked hard and put away wet. 

“Hey,” Jared says as Jensen walks up. 

“Hey yourself.” Jensen smiles and leads them inside.

The tension is palpable between them and Jensen’s dick twitches in his jeans. 

He doesn’t waste time with offers for tours or a drink when they get inside. Instead he reaches for Jared at the same time that Jared reaches for him, and they stumble their way to the bedroom. 

It’s stupidly hot, rolling around on the bed together, half dressed and pulling at one another’s clothes. They make out like a couple of teenagers, the sunlight streaming through the half-open blinds. 

Jared’s on top of him, his mouth on Jensen’s neck, sucking hard and fumbling with the zipper of Jensen’s jeans. He strokes Jensen’s rapidly hardening cock with the heel of his palm, and Jensen feels dizzy. 

“Do you -- do you ever top?” Jensen arches his neck to give Jared more access and seriously hopes he didn’t make a faux pas. It’s ridiculous how much of a turn off that question is for some guys when Jensen asks it.. Like because he’s made a name for himself giving it on camera that he’s not allowed to like taking it even more. 

And it’s not as though Jensen wouldn’t gladly take another turn at Jared’s perfect ass, again and again, but damn if he doesn’t want that huge dick inside of him yesterday. 

“Mm, yeah. I love it.” 

Jensen opens his eyes and pulls back to study Jared’s face. “Yeah?” He doesn’t want Jared to just be telling him what he wants to hear, like this is still some scene. But Jared’s face reveals nothing but naked honesty and sheer want. 

He nods, biting his lip. “Yeah. Surprises some people. Helix took one look at me and said bottoming would be my true niche.” 

Jensen rolls his eyes. “Fuckin’ antiquated porn industry and their boxes. There are all these ideas about what is and isn’t masculine, like the way you prefer to fuck is actually some measure of that or some deep-seated part to your personality. It’s ridiculous.” 

“I feel the same way!” Jared exclaims, grinning. 

“Yeah?” Jensen rocks up against him, starting a slow grind, making Jared gasp. “Well, maybe we’ll revolutionize the industry one day. You and me, man. Start our own company and do the exact opposite of what everybody else does.” 

“Mmm,” Jared hums, rocking down against his dick, his own cock forming a perfect mouthwatering outline through his ridiculous underwear. “I like the sound of that. Two J’s Productions.” 

Jensen laughs. “Nah, how ‘bout J-Squared.” 

“Yes! But spelled with the little 2, like math.” 

Jensen smiles up at him, takes in the way Jared’s hair has fallen in front of his face as he looks down at Jensen. He puts his hands on Jared’s chest, starts rocking him back and forth a little, their dicks brushing together against their stomachs with every motion. “Bet you were a wiz in math class, huh?” 

“Hmm, yeah,” Jared agrees, eyes falling shut as he drags his own hands up and down Jensen’s arms, raising goosebumps in his wake. “I always get stupidly excited for Pi day.” 

Jensen cracks up, rolling them over and making Jared shriek as he tickles him. “Fuckin’ dork,” he says, through breathless kisses. 

“Mmm, this dork is gonna fuck you so good, baby,” Jared whispers, dragging his mouth up from Jensen’s pecs to his neck, just the pointed tip of his tongue the entire way. 

Jared switches from “dork” to “sexy dork” so fast that Jensen feels like he has whiplash. There’s a confidence here that he’s yet to see off-camera so far. And Jensen can’t remember the last time he’s ever laughed or had this much _fun_ in bed before. In his experience, sex is pretty fun in general (aside from some shitty shoots or unsatisfying anonymous one-night stands here and there) but being with Jared is just -- joyful. 

Jensen pushes into Jared’s touch and moans shamelessly. “Put your money where your mouth is, Padalecki.” 

Jared kisses him again and Jensen has no doubt he will.  
__________________

Twenty minutes, two blowjobs, and one rimjob later Jensen is on his hands and knees and Jared is pressing into him from behind. His dick is better than Jensen imagined, bigger than he’s had in quite a while. Maybe ever. If he and Jeff hadn’t been fucking each other’s brains out this past week Jensen is pretty sure this would be a lot more difficult right now. As it is they have to start and stop a few times, Jensen to adjust and breathe, and Jared to hold it together. 

“Feel so damn good,” Jared says, mouthing the words against the curve of Jensen’s spine, fingers hard on his hips. 

Jensen can only nod and reach back to cover one of Jared’s hands, urging him to continue.

Jared slips in the few more centimeters. They both breathe in time and begin to move, slow thrusts at first and than faster, Jared's dick a delicious slide inside him. 

It becomes desperate and frantic before long. They bite at one another’s mouths, moaning brokenly. Jared pulls back and then slams back into him hard over and over, making both Jensen and the bed shake, sweat slicking up their bodies. 

“God. Oh fuck, don’t -- don’t you stop.” 

“Have to be damn near certifiable to do that. Jared’s voice is low in Jensen’s ear as he bites down on his lobe. 

Jensen keens and pushes back harder against him, knocking Jared back onto his haunches and sitting in his lap. He thrusts back onto Jared’s cock and then forward again, circling his hips every few thrusts for good measure.

Jared’s fingers cut into his hip bones, hard and firm. “Christ, yeah. Work yourself on my dick, baby.” 

Any other time Jensen would’ve been rolling his eyes. Jeff is usually the only one that can make porno dialogue for him, but there’s something about Jared saying the words in that thick, lazy Texas drawl (which gets even more pronounced when he fucks) that hits Jensen right where he lives. Plus, he’s still trying to reconcile the adorable guy who blushes at the drop of a hat with this sex god. Even Jared’s body of work couldn’t have prepared Jensen for how good Jared is giving it to him. 

Jensen can definitely give as good as he gets, though, so he does exactly what Jared asks for, sliding forward again, letting inch by inch slide out. He shivers when Jared’s dick catches on his rim and then pushes back onto him again, babbling filth of his own. “Goddamn, your cock. So fuckin’ good, fuckin’ criminal they don’t let you fuck with it on camera.”

Jared lets out a choked sob, one hand easing up and down Jensen’s back while the other stays firm on his hip. He makes a show of sliding all the way out before pushing slowly back in, letting Jensen feel every last inch. “Yeah? What D'ya like about it?”

Jensen snorts. “Fuck off, man, you don’t need me to tell you how big your dick is.”

Jared was probably one of those kids that measured it with a ruler the second he realized he wasn’t like all the other boys in the locker room. And Jensen couldn’t blame him; it is definitely something to be proud of, that ;underwear highlighting the fact. 

Jensen’s own dick is nothing to sneeze at, obviously, but while Jensen is more of a grower than a shower, Jared is both and then some. And Jensen is taking all of it like the pro he is, he can’t get enough. 

“No,” Jared agrees. Jensen forgot what they’d been talking about. “But sure is nice to hear, especially from someone like you.”

Instead of asking what Jared means he just rocks back particularly deep, making Jared gasp. 

“God damn,” Jared breathes while Jensen grinds against him hard and tight. “Prettiest thing I’ve ever had in my bed.”

Jensen laughs around a moan. “S’my bed, moron.” 

“Tomato, tomahto. Either way you’ll be comin’ on my dick like a fuckin’ dream.” 

“God,” Jensen gasped, eyes squeezing shut. “Gonna make me? C’mon, gorgeous, make me come.” 

“Jensen,” Jared gasps, before knocking him face first onto the mattress, reaching a hand between Jensen and the bed to get a hand around his dick, and giving Jensen the ride of his life.  
______________________________

They’re completely fucked out and lying naked side by side, bodies still covered in sweat and come, when Jared says, “So, what’s the deal with you and Jeff?” 

Jensen, nearly asleep, cracks his eyes open at that. “Jeff?” 

“Mmhmm. Seems like there’s something going on there.” 

Jensen laughs and reaches around to pinch Jared’s ass. He can only reach as far as his lower back. “Idiot. You wait until after you fucked me to ask if I’m with Jeff?” 

Jared props himself up on one elbow. He looks chagrined, like he’s wondering if Jensen’s offended. Jensen finds the whole thing stupidly cute, just like Jared’s everything.

“Well, I figured if I was steppin’ on you all’s toes you would’ve told me. And uh, if I was but you wanted to anyway I still wouldn’t have said no...never claimed to be completely altruistic.” Jared smiles lopsidedly, his dimple prominent. 

Jensen’s never met anyone who would use the word altruistic after going at it like that. It’s one more thing that surprises him about Jared, along with the fact that his Texas accent gets even stronger after he’s blissed out from sex than it does while he’s having it. It almost makes Jensen homesick.

“You’re goddamn adorable,” Jensen says, reaching out to run his hair through the sweaty mop that is Jared’s hair. He wishes his words were more hyperbole than utterly fucking sincere. “And no, Jeff isn’t my boyfriend. We mess around on occasion, that’s all.” 

Jared nods, looks adorably earnest once again and younger than his twenty-three years. “Like a fuckbuddy?” 

Jensen laughs, stretching his arms over his head and letting out a loud, content groan when he feels his back pop. “Yep, like a fuckbuddy. Don’t really do the whole boyfriend thing much.” 

When he peers over at Jared he’s frowning down at Jensen’s chest, lip caught between his teeth. 

“Hey,” Jensen says softly. 

Jared seems to shake off whatever it is and smiles up at him, bright and brilliant. “That’s cool, man. I mean… this business, right?” 

Jensen hums. “Yeah. How about you?” 

“Me?” Jared asks, looking nervous. “No, I mean. Yeah, I’ve done the… casual thing. Was dating someone before I started in the business but -- didn’t work out. Nothing really serious since. Not really looking for that right now, I suppose.” 

Jensen nods, ignoring his slight disappointment despite being on the same page. “Kay, well. Maybe we can chill sometime, seeing as we’re both local.” 

Jared beams at him and Jensen’s heart does a stupid flip. “Absolutely, man. Let’s grab a beer sometime.”

Then he drops his head back to Jensen’s chest. Jensen lies there stock still, wondering what on earth he’s gotten himself into.  
__________________________

“This was a lot of fun,” Jared says when Jensen walks him to the door the next evening. They spent the weekend in bed, for the most part. Jensen’s well fucked and feeling fucking fantastic. 

“It was,” Jensen agrees. 

(It had been a little odd for Jensen at first, waking up with Jared in the morning — his arms wrapped around Jensen’s waist, his breath hot on his neck. Jensen suggested they order in some breakfast, rather than sending Jared on his way. Jensen wasn’t great with people occupying his private space, but with Jared it felt like he already fit, and Jensen had no desire to send him packing when they could be screwing all weekend.)

They stand together at the door for a moment;. It’s awkward for the very first time until they both laugh and shake their heads at the same time. 

“C’mere.” Jensen pulls Jared in by his waist, kisses him slow and deep and just this side of dirty. 

Jared moans softly and cups the back of Jensen’s head. He presses in closer and teases their tongues together. 

“Bye,” Jared breathes as they part. 

Jensen’s slightly unfocused, lips tingling. All he can do is nod.

Jared turns in the threshold then spins around again and dives in for another kiss. Jensen laughs in delight and nips at his bottom lip. 

“Bye,” Jensen says, smiling when Jared pulls back again, cheeks flushed. 

He shuts the door and two seconds later there’s a knock. 

Jensen opens it, laughing. He regards Jared’s sheepish expression before tugging him in for a rough kiss that hopefully makes him weak in the knees. 

They’re both flat-out giggling when they pull back. 

“Good _bye_ , Jared!”

“I’m going, I’m going.”

He ducks in for one last kiss before turning on his heel and heading down the hall. Jensen tells himself he isn’t disappointed when Jared really is gone this time.

Instead, he pulls out his phone and texts Jeff.

_Have I thanked you enough lately?_

The reply is pretty quick. _Yes, but you’ve got the best thank you’s in town._

Jensen laughs, rolling his eyes. 

Jeff replies again before he can type anything. 

_I take it you’ve had a good weekend._

_Barely made it out of bed. I’ll say that’s good._

_Oh, to have been a fly on the wall._

Jensen smirks and flops down on his couch, hitting the call button instead of replying back.

“Hey. At the airport so don’t tell me any details or this’ll be an uncomfortable flight.”

Jensen snorts. “I don’t kiss and tell, pervert.”

“Uh-huh. Scale of one to ten.”

Jensen leans back, stretching. “Goddamn fifteen.”

Jeff lets out a low whistle. “Nice. Can’t say I’m surprised. Even without that little break during the shoot it was obvious. You guys went four minutes over the allotted runtime.”

Jensen’s eyes widen. “Well…it was worth it.”

Jeff laughs. “I’ll say. No way in hell am I cutting even one second of footage. Glad you boys had fun.”

Jensen smiles softly. “Yeah, he’s pretty amazing.”

“Careful, sweetheart, or you’ll start to sound as though you like the guy.”

“What’s not to like?” Jensen bristles. 

He can practically hear Jeff’s eye roll. “You know what I mean. At the risk of sounding like a high schooler, _like_ like.”

Jensen rests his head on the back of the couch again, groaning. “I’m gonna pretend this conversation never happened.”

“Uh-huh. You going to see him again?”

“ _Yes_ , but not in that way. He’s nice, fun, and we’re stupidly compatible between the sheets. Be a fool not to see him again.”

“Be a fool not to marry him.” 

“You really are getting sentimental in your old age, man.”

“Remind me to spank you the next time I see you,” Jeff grumbles. 

Jensen grins. “Promises, promises. Gotta go. Safe flight.”

“Yeah. I’ll send you a preview of the video when it’s ready.”  
______________________

Jensen starts hanging out a lot with Jared. Lunch on the way to an appointment; meeting up at Arclight Hollywood for sushi and the latest dumb action flick; scheduling their manicures and waxings at the same time because that shit is tedious alone. He learns Jared is a complete goofball.

(He bestowed Jensen with dumb nicknames their second week of hanging out.

“Hey, Jackles, take a look at this,” he said as they were passing the window of a pet store. “This chihuahua totally reminds me of you. Cute yet ferocious.” 

Jensen had rolled his eyes before pausing. “Jackles?” 

“Yeah. Your first initial and your last name. I like it.” 

“You’re ridiculous.”

“You love it, Shackles.” 

Jensen laughed incredulously. “Okay, now you’re just randomly rhyming my last name with anything and everything.”

“Damn right I am, Stackles!” Jared’s grin was toothy and heartstopping. 

“Okay, J-Rod, that’s enough.”

“Ha!” Jared clapped him on the shoulder and kept his hand there as they walked down Vine.)

It feels weird. Jensen isn’t used to doing things with guys he also sleeps with. Even with Jeff, whom he considers a close friend, they’d never actually _gone_ somewhere together prior to screwing each other senseless. Pizza, beer and the game on TV \is one thing. Sitting across from a guy at a restaurant in which food is being served to you, before taking him back to your place and letting him slam you into the nearest surface, felt way too much like a — date.

They even go for ice cream one afternoon, which is so stupidly innocent and pedestrian. Although Jensen seriously revises the “innocent” part once he sees what Jared’s tongue can do to a soft serve cone. They barely make it back to Jensen’s car before they’re making out. 

It’s a problem. 

“I don’t date,” he tells Chris and Steve while they’re waiting at a bar for Kane’s set to begin. 

“We are well aware. You only fuck.” Steve smirks at him.

Chris groans loudly. “Look, if we’re going to once again spend the time before I sing talking about the many gay sex adventures of ‘J.R. Richardson’, Imma need something stronger than beer.”

“Fuck you,” Jensen replies cheerfully. “Seriously, I think this guy wants to date me.”

“Oh, the horror!” 

Jensen continues as if Steve never spoke. “Or thinks we already are, I dunno. He said the fuckbuddy thing was cool...”

“So?”

“So I don’t know! It’s just a feeling.”

“God, the ego on some of these pornstars.” Chris nudging Steve’s shoulder. “Amirite?” 

“Whatever. He’s great and all, but he’s in the business and sometimes that’s even worse than someone who isn’t. There’s no point to monogamy.”

Steve looks at him oddly. “Only one who seems to be thinking about monogamy is you, Jenny.”

Jensen flips him off and tries not to get stuck on that. 

He decides to just go with the flow from then on out. The flow turns out to be meeting up with Jared once a week to hang out, doing whatever and screwing like mad. During all of this the video gets a release date, and he and Jared throw their own private viewing party of the preview digital copy Jeff sent. 

They barely get through the first blowjob before Jensen is sitting on Jared’s dick reverse cowgirl -- facing the direction of the laptop on the coffee table -- while Jared whispers filthy things in his ear and tells Jensen, “Watch us.” 

Then Jared drags him to the bedroom and eats his ass until Jensen’s voice goes hoarse from yelling. 

Suffice to say, they really like the video. They fuck all weekend to how much they like the video, only getting out of bed for the food delivery. They talk about how their stage names are actually their first and middle initials ( _Jared Tristan has a nice ring to it_ , Jensen thinks) and how Jared won a People’s Choice contest that he thought would mean his Big Hollywood Break. 

Jensen still feels it should be weird waking up in the morning with Jared in his bed and feeling comfortable after sex with him like he only does with Jeff. But Jared is a friend, a really damn good friend in such a short period of time, and there’s no reason to not enjoy his company. 

A few days later they discover the public really likes the video too, and by the following week they find themselves at Randy Blue’s administrative offices together. Jared is offered a steady contract and they’re asked to do a total of two more shoots together.

“The viewers really love you guys. The comments were overwhelmingly positive and they’ve really taken to your natural chemistry,” says Eric, the executive producer. 

“It’s true,” Sera intones; she’s the head producer. “We were pretty surprised by the amount of viewers wondering if your relationship extends off-screen as well.” 

They both eye Jensen and Jared expectantly and Jensen bristles. It’s Jared who actually speaks up first. 

“Oh! Um, no. I mean, not like they’re thinking? We’re -- we’re not a couple or anything.”

Jensen doesn’t know why his throat suddenly feels tight. 

“We’re friends,” Jensen says firmly. “Good friends who, yes, fuck from time to time when the cameras aren’t rolling. Not that this is actually anyone’s damn business.” He's scowling by the end of his words, hand tapping against the arm of the chair and needing to remind himself that these people sign his paychecks.

Eric holds his hands up. “It’s alright, Jensen. All Sera was trying to get at is whatever the hell you two are doing, keep it up. The audience fucking loves it. Now let’s get these contracts signed, eh?”

Jensen nods, jaw still tight. He feels Jared’s eyes on him but he doesn’t look back. 

“Hey,” Jared says when they’re walking down to the hall afterward, putting a hand on Jensen’s shoulder. “You ok? Sorry if it, uh, got weird back there.”

Jensen shakes his head, hitting the button for the elevator. “It’s fine. I just don’t like when my employer makes comments about what or _who_ I do in my personal life. It’s my job to fuck whoever they say on camera, not beyond that.”

Jared’s frowning as they step inside the elevator. “Uh. Look, man, if you wanna stop...”

Jensen whips around to face him. “Stop? What the hell are talking about?”

“You know,” Jared says, waving his hand between them, looking uncomfortable. “Messing around. We can. I mean, we can keep it professional and to the cameras.”

Jensen’s moving into his space before he’s even finished talking, backing Jared against the wall. 

“Trust me, Jay, I don’t wanna stop.” Jared shivers as Jensen licks a slow line up his neck, standing on his tiptoes to reach behind his ear and whisper into it. He lives for the few inches Jared has on him. “I’m gonna do anything I want with you, whenever I want, and not because the fans like us or Sera and Eric think it’s good for business. You hear me?”

Jared moans, gripping Jensen’s shoulders and thrusting against his thigh. “Yes, yeah. I hear you. Can we get right on that?” 

Jensen laughs against his neck, bites his Adam’s apple. “Oh, you fucking know it.” 

He crushes their mouths together, swallowing both their moans and not caring when the elevator dings and the doors open. Jensen keeps on kissing Jared. 

Because _he_ wants to.  
_________________________________

Jeff is directing the next two videos, and although they’re going to be staggered in terms of when they’re released on the website, they’ll actually be shot back to back. 

(Everyone loves to save some money, especially porn studios.)

The shoots are scheduled for two weeks out and they’re filming at a resort in Palm Springs. Unlike their first shoot, neither are scenario scenes and, in fact, the first one is going to have a Q&A opener. Jensen rolls his eyes at that when he receives the shot-lists and general outlines a week later. 

“They’re really milking this, aren’t they?” He says over the phone to Jared. “You know those questions are all going to be about how it’s our second shoot together.”

“Yeah,” Jared agrees. “Jeff’ll probably go easy on us, though.”

“Ha! You don’t know Jeff, man.”

“Not like you do,” Jared mumbles. Jensen would almost say he sounds jealous. Well, Jensen has no doubt Jeff would bend his no models rule to give Jared a turn. His gut tightens at the thought. 

“Yeah, so,” he replies, scratching at the back of his neck as he clears his throat. “I was actually calling to let you know that we can’t fuck for a few days before the shoot. I like to go in fresh.”

Jared laughs, and any discomfort is immediately gone at that warm sound. “You’re such a perfectionist.”

“And it works wonders!”

It’s more difficult than Jensen realized, though, to stay away from Jared. Jensen’s on edge and horny, knowing Jared is just over in Silverlake, ready and willing. 

Jeff isn’t getting into LAX until the day before they shoot and then he’s heading right to Palm Springs to get set up. 

Jensen stares at Jeff’s text for a long time when he gets it. 

_if you’re able, I’ll be in town for a few days after filming. Could give you that spanking I promised last time ;)_

It throws him for two reasons. One, Jeff doesn’t normally ask if Jensen is “able.” Jeff knows Jensen is always ready, willing, and available. For him to ask that now leads to Jensen’s second reason: the fact that he’s actually hesitating. 

Jensen’s fucked other guys on camera since he began his regular hook-ups with Jared. Sure, he hasn’t picked up on his own, but he hadn’t done that in a while anyway. There isn’t really a correlation between the two. Besides, Jared was local, available, and a guaranteed stellar fuck. It’s simply easier to screw him, seeing as they hung out every week anyway. 

Jensen shouldn’t feel funny scheduling a fuck with Jeff, who was exactly what Jared was: a friend with benefits. But he does. Before Jensen can respond his phone rings.

“Hey, Big Jay.” He puts his feet up on the coffee table. 

Jared laughs in delight. “That’s a new one.” 

Jensen shrugs. “Gotta keep up with your revolving door of nicknames, man.” 

“Mmmhmm. You going as crazy as I am, Jackles?” asks Jared. 

Jensen snorts. “Yeah, probably.” His hand drifts to his crotch, teasing lightly over his jeans.

“I want you.” Jared’s voice is rough and so fucking sexy. 

“Two more days,” Jensen says, palming himself a little harder. 

“Yeah,” Jared breathes. “Yeah, Jen, I just — fuck, man, can we just—”

Jensen bites his lip, squeezing his eyes shut. “Yeah,” he whispers. He’ll totally allow some phone sex, if nothing else. He just -- needs it, needs the release, his whole body fraught with tension. “God, yeah, okay. C’mon.” 

Jared moans and then they’re whispering filthy things into one another’s ears and groaning out one another’s names. By the time Jensen comes he’s gasping, shaking and so fucking addicted to this. To Jared. 

His fingers are still shaking when he texts Jeff back after hanging up the phone. 

_“Able” is my middle name. Just name the time._  
_____________________________

He and Jared don’t drive down to Palm Springs together, even though it would make sense and Jared asks. Jensen tells him it’ll be easier on them both not to be trapped in traffic together while so keyed up. He doesn’t tell him the real reason: that he’s made vague plans with Jeff for after the shoot. There’s no reason for him _not_ to tell Jared that, is the thing. He’s practically acting like a cheating boyfriend when they’re _not_ boyfriends and there’s no possible way to cheat on your fuckbuddy. 

Still, Jensen doesn’t say the words and Jared doesn’t seem to completely buy his excuse, but whatever. The drive alone will do him good. He’s getting too codependent. It isn’t good for him. Jensen is a loner by nature -- there’s absolutely no reason he should be attached to the hip of Jared Padalecki. He ignores the inner doubt and turns up the music in his car.

The good thing about arriving shortly before the shoot is scheduled to begin is that he doesn’t have to worry about wanting to jump Jared’s bones beforehand. 

Everything is set up in the suite already, cameras ready to go and Jeff with his director hat firmly in place by the time Jensen walks in. 

(Although Jeff does throw Jensen a smoldering look that holds a promise, Jensen’s body reacting the way it always has.)

Jensen and Jared take their spots on the couch, Jared’s arm slung casually around Jensen’s, personal space nonexistent. Jeff gives them the general lowdown on the questions he’s going to ask and they're essentially what Jensen expected. Before long, they’re ready to go. 

“So, JT and JR, welcome back. Your first video together for Randy Blue was such a hit that they’ve asked you to do two more, one of which we’re shooting this very minute. What do you have to say about being asked to do a series together?” 

Jared's hand squeezes Jensen’s shoulder. “Well, we’re real flattered. We’re happy to have so many viewers enjoying us.”

“And themselves, clearly,” Jensen deadpans. 

Jared laughs. Jensen loves when he can achieve that. Jared is by far one of the funniest people Jensen’s ever met, and the best thing is he doesn’t even know it. 

“And you clearly enjoy one another,” Jeff says with a smirk and a wink, bringing Jensen back to the here and now. 

“Obviously,” Jensen replies, rolling his eyes a little. “Have you seen this guy?” He gestures to Jared. “Hot as fuck.”

“Mm, agreed,” Jeff replies. “JT, what is it about JR that you connect with?”

“Um. We’re both country boys. We like a lot of the same things. He uh, gives me massages sometimes when I get tense, which is real nice.”

Jensen blinks at that. It’s happened a few times, yeah, but Jared casually dropping that tidbit in this setting makes Jensen feel a little on edge. Nonetheless, he throws his own arm over Jared’s shoulder and squeezes the tight muscle.

“He gets tense a lot,” Jensen replies on autopilot.

“It’s true, I do.” Jared nods and shoots a glance a Jensen, tiny smile on his lips before turning back to the camera. “And, um, we have fantastic sex?”

Jeff laughs and Jensen’s tension increases. He knew this question was coming, but they never went over the answers. He can’t pinpoint what about all of it bothers him. He hates even having to do this shit with Jared, honestly. It feels unnatural when they’re usually so at ease with one another. 

“Good answer,” Jeff says. “Alright boys, get to it.”

And then they’re off, making out on the couch like it’s another night in front of Jensen’s TV and not them being filmed. Now this -- this is easy. Easy as fucking anything. 

They make out for a long time, Jared straddling his lap. Jensen’s glad for the weight. Eventually, Jeff has to tell them to move on to the blowjobs. Jensen probably could’ve just kissed and frotted with Jared all day long. Jared rims Jensen after blowing him and it’s hot and dirty. Then he sits on Jensen’s face on the couch while Jensen eats him out, gets him ready for his dick. They end the scene with Jared riding Jensen long and slow, Jensen’s hands all over that ass, squeezing and pulling Jared down onto him again and again, not lifting his own hips, just letting Jared work him over. 

They kiss the entire time, groaning into one another’s mouths. Rich is up in close with the camera, trying to get the shots of Jared’s dick between them while Jensen is jerking his hips uncoordinatedly. It’s always weird, someone hovering while he fucks, but he ignores it all and merely focuses on the feel of Jared’s mouth. On the way Jared’s ass squeezes him so hard and tight. On the little sounds that punch out of Jared every time Jensen swivels his hips. 

Jensen wants to come inside the condom while he’s still in Jared so badly, loves the way it feels while still fucking up into the hot, tight channel of Jared’s ass. But this is studio porn and comeshots are a must. So instead they go through the whole shift-position/rearrange/pull-out nonsense, when all Jensen wants is to shoot and shoot now. 

When he finally does, it’s all over Jared’s stomach. Jared comes too, right behind him, spilling between them while splayed out on his back on the couch. They kiss slow, deep and wet to end the scene, Jensen still standing, bent over Jared with one hand fisted in his soft, perfect hair. Then they have to come back on camera for the closing Q&A. 

They’re cleaned up already, arms thrown loose and casual around each other. Jared rests back against Jensen the way he always likes to after sex, that long, gorgeous body completely sated and boneless.

“So how was that, JR?”

Jensen laughs low, and rubs his hand down Jared’s arm. “Great,” he drawls. “No complaints.”

“‘Mmm. And you two have fucked off camera, haven’t you?”

Jensen narrows his eyes. Jeff never told them about that question. 

“Sure?” Jensen answers before Jared can give one of his too earnest answers. “Again, he’s hotter than hell. Why wouldn’t I hit that?”

“JT?”

“Uh, yeah,” Jared says, sounding a little thrown himself. “I mean, we’re young, sex-positive adults. Why not reap the benefits, right?”

“Well, we can’t wait till your next shoot, boys. Thanks a lot.”

Jensen half-smiles and Jared is still stiff beside him as they both say goodbye, waving to the camera. 

“What the hell, Jeff?” Jensen practically yells as soon as cut is called. 

Jeff gives him an apologetic look. “Sorry, man. Kripke put pressure on me. The viewers are eating you guys up and want you to be more than on-screen lovers. So he asked me to throw a bone.”

Jensen rolls his eyes. “So we’re a bunch of media whores now.”

“It’s not a big deal, Jen,” Jared says softly, for their ears only. Except it feels like a big deal. 

He tries to put it out of his mind the rest of the day. The crew is busy with footage stuff, but he and Jared laze around the resort by the pool, before getting massages and enjoying the steam room. It feels like a vacation and Jared notes how it would be cool to take one for real one day. That feels very coupley though, so Jensen hums noncommittally. 

They get dinner and go back to Jensen’s room. They’re both well aware that fucking is not on the menu until tomorrow, but they still end up making out in the suite’s jacuzzi like teenagers until Jared goes back to his room and Jensen lays in bed with his rock hard cock and his over-present mind.  
___________________________

Their third and final shoot together is early the next morning and stupidly domestic. They begin already in bed together and are filmed slowly waking up, kissing lazily on the bed in a prelude to having slow morning sex with natural light streaming through the blinds. The shotlist barely contains any position changes, making the entire thing feel incredibly intimate, like this was crafted specifically for the viewers and their couple fantasies. 

Jensen tries to feel annoyed about the entire thing, but it’s difficult when he’s kissing Jared slow and soft, touching every inch of his long, lithe body; he’s so firm under Jensen’s hands. 

Jared gives back just as good, his eager mouth on Jensen’s cock, hands roaming. They suck each other off, 69’ing on their sides on the bed for so goddamn long, drawing it out until it’s wet and sloppy. 

Then they’re kissing again, grinding together on the bed and moaning into each other’s mouths softly, barely moving. When Jensen finally pushes inside Jared’s ass — curled up behind him, one leg thrown over Jared’s thick thighs — he’s sweaty and trembling with how turned on he is. He fucks him slow and deep while the sun beat down on them, his mouth on Jared’s shoulder, his neck, his lips. 

It's lovemaking, pure and simple. And despite all the times they’ve fucked, it’s never been exactly like this. He jacks Jared off, slow and sweet, their hips barely moving. 

Jeff is giving them zero direction, the room unbearably silent aside from their quiet gasps. Jensen finds himself rolling Jared forward onto his stomach and covering Jared’s body, pressing him gently into the mattress while circling his hips slowly.

When Jensen pulls out and strips off the condom, his come splashes over the small of Jared’s back in thick, hot ropes while Jared comes into his own hand. 

Jensen showers by himself afterward. He can tell it’s a surprise to Jared. He rests his forehead against the glass door and takes a few deep breaths.

When Jared takes his turn, Jensen goes over to where Jeff is and they talk about how he thinks it all came out. Then Jeff whispers that he’s got his room for another day, if Jensen wants to stay. 

Jensen does. It’s exactly what he needs right now. Fun, uncomplicated sex with Jeff. 

When Jared asks, bright-eyed and well-fucked, if he wants to hang when they get back into LA tonight and get some sushi, Jensen’s chest goes tight. 

“Actually, uh. Jeff wants to catch up so I’m just gonna hang here for a bit.”

Jared knows exactly what that means, of course, and Jensen hates the disappointed look in his eyes, hates that he feels bad for something that he shouldn’t have to feel bad about. 

“Kay. Well, have fun and I’ll see you when you get back?”

“Of course, man.”

Jared’s smile is a little sad as he turns to say goodbye to Jeff and the crew. Jensen’s heart clenches at the sight of those long legs and slightly hunched shoulders as Jared walks out the door. 

Jensen lays out by the pool until Jeff is freed up. They order room service in Jeff’s room instead of eating at the resort restaurant, and then Jeff blows him for what feels like an eternity before fucking him long and hard into the mattress. 

They shower after, Jensen blowing Jeff lazily till he’s hard again. He doesn’t mention Jared and Jensen’s grateful. They barely talk at all, actually. The next morning Jeff does him in the jacuzzi tub with Jensen bent over the side and Jeff’s mouth hot on his neck. It’s good with Jeff. It always is. 

It’s just possible, though, that it might be better with Jared. Jensen he has no idea what to do with that admission or if it even truly matters. 

Jensen’s head is no clearer when he gets back to LA, but his ass is certainly good and sore.  
_____________________________


	2. Entr'acte

**Entr’Acte**

_ end of 2005-2006 _

_it started out with a kiss  
How did it end up like this_

The videos are staggered and drop a few months apart, one in November and one in March. In between Jensen works a bunch of other shoots, as does Jared. They hang out multiple times a week, comparing notes, going out for beers, taking in the Cowboys games. They grow even closer as friends if possible. Jensen’s never had anyone get him so much, never felt like he could tell all of his bullshit to someone like he can to Jared. Not even Chris or Steve, whom he’s known forever. Or Danneel, who he met at a dumb studio party a few years back. 

Jensen hates talking about his feelings or the shit that gets him down. He has trouble opening up to people in the easy, effortless way Jared can. Jared wears his heart on his sleeve and his emotions on his face. 

Yet Jensen finds himself sharing stories of growing up in Texas, realizing he was gay and not telling his parents about that or the porn for a while. Jared shares similar stories, about how his mom caught him and his friend in his room while he was in high school, how he stuck around after the contest win brought him no fame and tried out U of T. How he decided not to give up on L.A. so easily and just picked up and moved. He’d started waiting tables, did a few modeling gigs until, like Jensen, someone said he’d look awfully good on his knees. 

Jared can tell Jensen that he isn’t ashamed of what he does, doesn’t feel like some sad Hollywood story. But he admits to also having a difficult time telling his parents and watching the disappointment and worry don their facial features. 

The more they talk, the more Jensen realizes they have in common. Jared’s friendship is rapidly becoming one of the most important things in his life. The sex is an added bonus that, somehow, gets even better the more they do it. Jensen tries not to analyze how he never really picks up anymore, how he only fucks other people for his job (or if Jeff is in town, which he hasn’t been lately anyway). 

Jared even begins hanging out with Jensen, Chris, and Steve on Friday nights, going out to bars and watching Kane play. Jensen has gotten pretty good rather fast at ignoring his friends’ eyebrow waggling and thumbs-up signs during those evenings, when he and Jared inevitably leave together. 

When the holidays roll around they’re both heading back to Texas. Jared throws him for a loop by inviting him to come to San Antonio after Christmas. 

“I’ll take you around the Riverwalk! It’s real pretty this time of year, all lit up.”

It sounds romantic is the thing, and Jensen should really say no. Instead, he agrees to fly in on the 27th and stay until the 29th, when they’re both going to be heading back anyway. 

His mom is extra curious just who has Jensen cutting his vacation home short to fly to San Antone. 

“He’s just a friend, Mama, seriously.”

“A friend or a _friend_ ,” Mack quips. Jensen rolls his eyes. 

“ _So_ original, Mackenzie.” 

“I mean in your line of work…” Josh adds and Jensen flips him off. 

“No pornography discussions at the dinner table, please,” his dad deadpans. After nearly ten years his family truly is getting better at taking the whole thing in stride. 

“I’m just saying I’d like to meet this young man, even if he’s only a good friend. We know nothing about your life, Jensen.”

Jensen winces, guilt hitting hard. 

“Maybe next year,” he mumbles. 

Jensen checks his phone after dinner to find a text from Jared. 

_fyi there will be no makin whoopee under my parents roof. I am a good southern boy o:))_

Jensen groans. Between that and the third degree he just received from his family, Jensen is seriously starting to rethink this plan. 

Nevertheless, he has a good rest of his visit with his family, gets some cool gifts, and then takes off to San Antone. It seems kind of silly to fly to San Antonio when the drive is only about four and a half hours, but Jensen also has no car here and didn’t feel like renting one for such a short time when Jared had already told him they’d use his parents Volvo while there.

(“Not as nice as your truck, but it’ll do in a pinch,” Jared had said before they left L.A. 

“There are few things as nice as my truck,” Jensen deadpanned in reply. He still remembered those first few getting to know you conversations after they spent the night together, Jensen randomly telling Jared about his favorite songs and his car that he bought after his first big paycheck.)

So Jensen had booked a moderately reasonable flight prior to leaving L.A., and flies the short hour. Jared meets him at the airport with a sunny smile and huge hug. Jensen’s never been a hugger, but it’s impossible not to be when you’re in Jared’s orbit. His arms are strong and firm and when he wraps them around you it’s like any worry you’ve ever had melts away. It’s crazy how much Jensen enjoys just being in Jared’s arms, his face fitting perfectly into the curve of his neck. He tries to grumble about it after any hug; Jared never seems fooled, but always plays along. It’s a little scary how well the guy can read him already, as if they’ve known one another forever and not a mere four months. 

They fall into one another as easily as they always do, talking on the way to Jared’s dad’s car about their Christmas, their families, how they both watched _Die Hard_ on the plane ride in because, “Fuckin’ A, it’s absolutely a Christmas movie.” 

They’d exchanged gifts prior to leaving L.A., because it was silly to bring stuff on the plane that you were only going to take home again. Jensen had had no idea what to get Jared -- what do you buy for someone who is your friend with benefits but who has also rapidly become your favorite person on the planet? He ended up going the casual route and he was glad to find Jared had done the same. They each got one another video games, since they spent a lot of their time together playing them. Jared bought him Spencer’s fuzzy handcuffs as a gag, Jensen bought him some flavored lube and a new dildo.

Jared goes uncharacteristically quiet once they’re driving, though. His fingers idly tap the steering wheel before he finally says, “So, like, I told my parents we’re buddies. I mean. I mean we _are_ but like, you know what I mean.”

Jensen does know, but he still swallows hard. They’ve never exactly defined this. They’re friends with benefits, sure, but Jensen also knows they’d be friends even if the sex was stripped away. 

“Yeah, it’s cool. You don’t really go introducing someone as your fuckbuddy to your parents.”

“Right. Yeah,” Jared replies, voice a little duller.

“I told my parents you were a friend, too.” Jensen offers, feeling odd all of a sudden. 

“Cool,” Jared says, and then he’s changing the radio station and Jensen’s complaining about his dumb emo rock and telling Jared, “At least put on some of your beloved Pearl Jam.” 

“One day I’ll meet Eddie and make him fall in love with me,” Jared declares. “You just wait.” 

Jensen rolls his eyes. “I have no doubt, Romeo.” 

Thing is, Jensen’s pretty sure he could. 

______________________

It goes unspoken that PDAs are off the table while at Jared’s, lest they confuse everyone. Also, their version of PDAs tended to be lean more toward the “swallowing each other’s tongues in an L.A. bar near Jensen’s WeHo apartment where it’s safe” end of the spectrum, as opposed to holding hands at family dinners. 

Jared’s parents are nice, but they’re also clearly suspicious of what Jensen’s deal is and how he met their son. They call it a modeling audition when they talk of their first meeting, because Jared told him in the car that he’d rather his parents and siblings not inadvertently picture them shooting a porno while dining over homemade meatloaf and mashed potatoes. 

Jensen is cool with that. He chats with Jared’s brother, Jeff, about his medical practice, saying he’d toyed with the idea of being a physical therapist once. 

“Really?” Jared chirps up. “Man, that’s why your massages are so good!”

Jensen coughs into his napkin and Jared flushes a little. His sister Megan just smirks. Yeah, they pretty much suck at this. 

Jensen isn’t up for going exploring tonight so they hang in and have a board game night with Jared’s family. It’s the exact kind of wholesome Jensen would’ve expected from both Jared and his family. Sometimes Jensen has trouble believing this same guy currently cheering like a little kid over a scoring a ten-point word in Scrabble is the same one who says and does some of the filthiest things on camera for a living. 

Jared is different at home. A little quieter, but a lot more comfortable. He’s wearing one of his cozy looking hoodies, big and grey and his favorite beanie. He once told Jensen he’s never more comfortable in his own skin than when he’s wearing both of those things. It seemed like a weird statement for a guy who is paid to be naked, but watching him now, loose and relaxed, Jensen completely gets it. 

Jensen has the guest room down the hall from Jared’s room. It’s incredibly weird to say goodnight to him in the bathroom, with only a quick make out session and copped feel to end the evening. 

Jensen thinks about Jared lying in his old bed that’s way too small for him. He’d laughed when Jared gave him the tour earlier, then smiled with pride when noticing the plaque on the wall for Jared’s 1998 National Forensic League's National Speech Tournament Duo Award. 

(“That’s quite a mouthful,” Jensen quipped. 

“That’s what he said.”)

He smiles again thinking about it, when his phone buzzes. 

_wish u were here_

Jensen’s heart gives a funny lurch. 

_ditto._

_hey, isn’t it weird that we both have older brothers and younger sisters whose names start with J’s and M’s. And we’re the middle kids and our names start with a J. And we’re both from Texas. Kinda crazy, huh?_

Jensen smiles helplessly at his phone, fingers running over the words. 

_Yeah. Kinda crazy._

_Meant to be, Jack :))_

Jensen swallows hards. His fingers falter over the keys. 

_Sap. Get some sleep J-Pad. See you in the morning_

_:D That’s a new one! Night, Jen._

Jensen stays awake for longer than he’d like, not thinking about anything in particular. 

The next morning there is bacon and waffles and, most importantly, coffee. Jared’s seen him without his morning coffee and it isn’t pretty. 

(“Like a prickly yet cute hedgehog. That’s you without your fix, man.”)

Jensen’s really missed waking up to a ready-made breakfast and he’s going to get spoiled after doing so at his parents house and now Jared’s.

Jared looks adorable when he finally makes his way down the stairs, sleep-mussed and hair askew. Jensen fights down the urge to twist that hair in his fingers and tug him down for a kiss. 

They head out early, Jared showing him all the things the city has to offer. Jared’s a museum nerd and they go to the Museum of Science and Technology, the McNay Art Museum and (obviously) The Alamo. 

They end up at the Riverwalk when it’s nearing dark and walk around, perusing the street vendors and taking in the holiday lights which make the river sparkle. They get dinner at a barbecue place. Jensen’s never talked as much as he does with Jared. Most of the time he’s happy to let other people fill the empty spaces in conversation -- and Jared is certainly good for that, what with his enthusiasm over nearly everything -- but Jensen finds himself attempting to keep up whenever they’re together.

After dinner they head over to a bar and catch some of the Cowboys game. They’re sitting pretty close together at the bar, which isn’t unusual for them, but Jared starts stroking his wrist halfway through and Jensen is instantly turned on. He turns his head until they’re merely inches from each other. He isn’t stupid enough to kiss Jared here, but it’s fun to just flirt, especially when he hasn’t gotten any on this trip yet. 

Jensen startles when some raised voices sound behind them, immediately assuming they’re about to have to fend off some homophobes, but it ends up just being a couple of rowdy assholes getting ejected from the bar. 

They watch the game in mostly companionable silence. That has yet to feel weird to Jensen, though it’s happened a few times. He wonders what Jared’s thinking about, if how they’re touching here and there is driving him just as crazy. 

When they leave the bar the sidewalk is crowded. Jensen thinks he sees one of the earlier assholes who got ejected, still clearly drunk. They’re passing by the guys at the same time a girl walks out of the bar and says, “That’s them!” to a group of her friends she’s leaving with. Before Jensen has time to process it, he’s fending off punches and sees Jared doing the same. 

“Woah, man, you got the wrong guy, okay?!” But they’re not listening. Jensen gets in a few good punches and sees Jared do the same. He manages to duck away and sprint down the street, yelling “C’mon!” back to Jared. 

He’s thinking about how he’s got a shoot next week and seriously doesn’t need a black eye from a cliche Texas bar fight fucking up a steady paycheck. Jensen’s a few hundred feet away when he turns, expecting to find Jared right on his heels. 

He isn’t. He hasn't been able to make his way through two of the other three guys. Jensen can see Jared holding one of the guys off with a hand in his shirt while the other manages to land a shot to his stomach. 

“Motherfucker!” Jensen hightails it back. Jared towers over both guys, but the one dude had gotten him when he wasn’t looking, and while he sinks into the punch the other guy raises his fist, clocking Jared good in the cheek. 

Jensen sees red and pulls the guy around, slamming a fist into his face before launching a flying kick at the other dude. He vaguely hears the girl yelling, “Wait, I don’t think that _is_ them!” which is too little too late for her friends, to be honest. 

Jensen grabs Jared by the shirt, ripping it in the process. “Let’s _go_ , Jay!” He pushes Jared in front of him this time so he can keep a watchful eye, the bar still erupting in chaos behind them. 

They run down the street, turning down a few corners until they’re sure they haven’t been followed. Then Jensen finally tugs Jared to a stop and pushes him beneath a streetlight. “Fuck, did he get you good? Lemme see.” 

Jensen stands on his tiptoes to assess Jared’s face, while Jared pants heavily and holds onto his shoulders, wincing when Jensen brushes the bruise that’s already forming. 

Then he begins to laugh. Helpless, fitful giggles that make the shoulders Jensen’s holding onto shake. Jensen’s lips quirk up involuntarily and then he’s losing it, laughing so hard he can’t breathe. 

“Oh my god, what even _happened_ just now?” 

Jensen just laughs harder. “I don’t know, I expected us to have to throw down with some old fashioned Texan homophobes, not a bunch of dudes incorrectly defending a chick’s honor.” 

Jared throws his head back, laughing more. “Nearly broke my damn hand.” 

Jensen frowns at that, fingers leaving Jared’s shoulders to gently grasp his hands. “That hurt?” 

“Not really. My hero. Friggin’ drop-kicking that dude like you’re in a Bruce Lee movie.” 

Jared fake-swoons and Jensen lets go of one hand to flick his earlobe. “Jackass.” He shrugs. “And yeah, well. Had to go back and get my boy and all.” 

When Jensen meets his eyes again it's to find Jared smiling blindly down at him (which must hurt his face). Then he realizes what he said. 

“Your boy, huh?” 

“Shut up,” Jensen mutters, cheeks flaming. “Don’t get all mushy on me.” 

“Can’t help it,” Jared says, voice going a little soft. Then he’s leaning down, wrapping Jensen up in one of his warm, perfect embraces. “Is it weird to say you’re my best friend after only knowing you four months? Because you totally are.” 

Jensen’s insides flutter as Jared unknowingly echoes Jensen’s own thoughts of late. He’s glad they’re on the same page there. “Yeah, well. Um. You too.” 

He wishes he could effortlessly admit to feeling things the way Jared can. Maybe it’ll begin to rub off. 

Jared pulls back and then he’s kissing Jensen before he can so much as blink. It’s a soft, careful kiss. Like they’re sealing some best friends forever pact in an... unconventional way. 

Jensen never cared much for convention anyway. He tugs Jared in and licks into his mouth for a beat before pulling back. 

“You ripped my favorite shirt, you know,” Jared says on the walk back to the car. 

“I’ll remember that the next time you need saving,” Jensen grumbles. 

Jared laughs and bumps their shoulders together. 

Jared’s mom is concerned when she sees his face, but Jensen assures her everything’s okay and leads Jared to the master bathroom to put an ice pack on it from the first aid kit.

“You’d make a great nurse.” 

“Shut up,” Jensen replies, unable to help the quirk of his smile. 

“I have a shoot next week so this is going to be fun.” 

Jensen shakes his head. “And that, my friend, is why I booked it outta there. Next time run _faster_.” 

Jared laughs and holds the ice pack to his cheek. Jensen massages his shoulders lightly and then they make out for as much as Jared’s face can handle before heading back downstairs. 

“Tomorrow,” Jared whispers as they part. 

“Yeah.” Tomorrow night they’ll be back in L.A. and can touch and fuck however much they want. 

“Might have to join the mile high club, man. Not sure I can wait much longer.” 

Jensen barks out a laugh, throwing his head back. “This is real life, buddy, not one of our movies.”

Still, Jensen doubts he’d say no if Jared were really serious. 

This guy has that kind of effect on him. 

Jensen can’t remember the last time he had such a good time, ridiculous bar fight and all.  
______________________________

There’s a swanky New Year’s Eve gathering happening when they get back into town. Danneel had reserved a private room at a restaurant on Wilshire and everyone chips in the head price. Some of Jared’s friends come too and it’s a good time. When Jared and Jensen kiss at midnight, Jensen studiously ignores Chris and Steve’s wolf-whistling, as per usual. 

At the end of February the four of them head up to Lake Tahoe for Jensen’s birthday. It could’ve been just four buddies hanging out, except for the fact that Steve had pointedly booked Jared and Jensen their own room, and that they can’t keep their hands off one another in the hot tub, even as Steve and Chris voice noises of protest across the way. 

After dinner, Jensen takes a picture of Jared and Steve with the shitty disposable camera Jared bought at the resort gift shop. Their arms are around each other’s shoulders, beers firmly in hand, while Chris quietly strums his guitar off to the side. A surge of affection rises in Jensen as he snaps the photo, acutely aware of how Jared has effortlessly slipped into his life and into his circle of friends, as though he’d been there forever. 

Then Chris asks Jensen to sing a few bars and Jared’s eyes widen. 

“You sing, Stackles?”

“A little.” Jensen shrugs. He hopes Chris and Steve don’t notice his blush at Jared’s ridiculous nickname. 

“Don’t listen to him, he’s great,” Steve helpfully adds.

“I don’t like singing in front of people,” Jensen replies, pointedly ignoring Steve and looking at Jared.

Chris scoffs. “You know how long we’ve been trying to get this guy to come up on stage with us? He’ll get X-rated on camera for strangers, but he won’t stand up in a bar and sing.”

Jensen rolls his eyes but Jared continues to quietly assess him. 

“Didn’t know,” Jared says finally. “You’re always humming absently when we’re in—” he cuts himself off then, flushing. 

“Oh, please, like we don’t know you two bump uglies every chance you get,” laughs Steve.

“And the walls ain’t _that_ thin here, just sayin’.”

Jensen’s face feels hot. Jared continues to quietly regard him before whispering, “Sing me somethin’, Stack? Just a little?” And, well, Jensen can never resist when those puppy dog eyes are on full display. 

So he softly sings a few choruses of an Elliot Smith song he loves, while Steve commandeers Chris’s guitar to strum along. Jared watches, seemingly entranced the entire time, and that rush of affection returns tenfold. 

It only grows more when they get back to their room later that night and Jared presents him with his birthday gift.

It’s a watch, similar to one Jared owns. Jensen had admired it once, when they were lying in bed together. He’d teased Jared about leaving it on while they fucked the way some guys left on socks. Jared had laughed and said it was the first fancy thing he’d bought himself after his first porn paycheck. Jensen had to kiss him at that, and whisper how he thought it was awesome and he wished he had one like it. 

And now Jared is giving him it. Gifting him something expensive and extravagant, just because Jensen had said he liked it. Jensen doesn't know what to say, really. Their Christmas gifts had been so casual. Jensen must be quiet for a while because Jared eventually clears his throat and says, “Um. If you don’t want it, I can—”

The offer startles him out of his jumbled mess of emotions. “No. No, I love it, Jay. Thank you.” Jensen looks up, smiling at Jared’s nervous expression and watching as the worry lines even out. 

“Oh good,” Jared exhales. “That’s good. Um, happy birthday, Jen.”

Jensen’s heart thumps loud in his chest and he pulls Jared in for a deep kiss. Of all of Jared’s nicknames for him, it’s ‘Jen’ that gets him the most. It’s the only one that isn’t unique, yet no one has ever said it the way Jared does. 

They talk only in moans and gasps the rest of the night, mindful of the thin walls but still unable to be completely silent with one another. 

The next day they leave Lake Tahoe, and Jensen touches his watch the entire plane ride home, as if it were a compass.  
_______________________________

The third video drops on a Friday night in early March, and they get together to watch it like they did with the others. Except unlike the others, this one's a bit strange to see. It’s so slow and tender, at odds with a lot of the porn they’ve done lately, both with and without one another. The images on the screen, the two of them seamlessly intertwined and lost in their own world, makes Jensen’s stomach twist uncomfortably. 

They still fuck after watching, rough and fast and nothing like what they just witnessed. The comments Jensen sees on the site afterward don’t exactly help with the weird feeling. Many are about how romantic and sexy it was. How it looked real, like a real couple getting it on in the morning. Jensen supposes they sold it well, then, since that was the premise, but it still makes him feel off. Within a week’s time it’s already their most popular video.

Jensen makes sure the next few jobs he books are all hard and dirty fucks, with nothing even resembling romance at the forefront. 

And then, nearly six months after their last video dropped and almost a year to the day since he met Jared, it’s time for the Adult Video Awards.  
________________________

The awards are being held in Malibu this year, in the ballroom of a swanky hotel. He and Jared are up for a number of accolades, both together and solo: Best Onscreen Couple, Best Top, Best Bottom, Best Video, and Best Comeshot. Jeff is up for Best Director, too. 

They walk the pseudo red carpet together, arms around one another and smiling indulgently for the press of B-list publications and websites that are on hand. 

They clean up. Jensen hates award shows, gets very nervous in front of big crowds, but he feels better with Jared standing up there on stage, grounding him. When Jensen has to go up solo to accept his award for Best Top, his nerves kick in hardcore. But Jared hugs him as he stands up and beams at him the entire time, wolf-whistling loudly until Jensen’s too busy laughing to feel nervous. 

He clears his throat and looks out into the crowd. “Hey, uh. Thanks a lot, guys. Obviously, a top is only as good as his bottom. So I share this award with the ridiculous JT Austin over there.” Jensen smiles, shaking his head ruefully at Jared who has yet to stop whistling. 

“Share it with him all night long!” someone (who sounds suspiciously like Mike) yells out. Jensen rolls his eyes. 

When he meets Jared’s eyes in the crowd again, though, he’s no longer whistling, his gaze turned heated. And yeah, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea at all. 

Jensen mingles in the reception area, catching up with people he hasn’t seen in a while and getting brought up to speed on Mike and Tom’s stupidly domestic life. He’s been catching Jared’s eye on and off all evening and the electricity crackles and pops between them each and every time. 

Jensen finds his way back to the bar and Jeff is there, already half done with his whiskey. Jeff has been a pretty popular man this evening too, so Jensen’s hardly seen him. 

“If this weren’t open bar, I’d buy you one of those,” Jensen says, knocking their elbows together. “After all, a top is only as good as his director, too.” 

Jeff snorts, turns to look down at him. “Flatterer.” 

Jensen just hums and takes him in. Jeff looks good. Beard trimmed neatly, collar of his charcoal suit popped open. 

The event is black tie, which Jensen never feels fully comfortable in. Still, Jared told him earlier that he looked hot. No one looks hotter tonight than Jared, though. Those long limbs and broad shoulders filling out a tuxedo, tie loose around his neck, one button open and tan skin on display. Jared had turned twenty-four last month. As with Christmas, Jensen had had no idea what to get him. Unlike Christmas, he went a bit more personal this time, settling on a vintage record player for Jared’s apartment and a crate with a bunch of old country and folk albums he‘d found at Permanent in Highland Park. 

Jared had loved it all and rode Jensen’s dick enthusiastically in appreciation. Despite their award for it, they actually didn’t do it that way around in private all too often; Jared’s dick is way too perfect for Jensen to want it all the time. But Jensen would never turn down Jared’s ass if it was on offer, and it had felt incredible to be inside him that night, taking and giving and making him feel amazing. 

Quietly observing Jared from afar tonight, Jensen has noticed a clear aura about him. There is something that makes it impossible to look away from the moment the guy walks into a room. And dressed like he is tonight makes him even more magnetic. 

“Quit looking at me like that,” Jeff says gruffly. 

Jensen blinks. “Like what?” Sure, he’d been checking Jeff out at first, but his thoughts kind of went off track a bit at the end there. 

Jeff leans in close to his ear. “Like you want to put your mouth all over me,” he whispers, making Jensen shiver, “when we both know you’re leaving with Padalecki tonight.” 

Jensen pulls back, eyes narrowing. “Who says?” 

Jeff snorts. “Boy, you haven’t looked at anyone else all night long.” 

Jensen frowns. “Was just looking at you,” he points out. 

“Mmhmm. And I’m flattered, but you two should celebrate together. You deserve it.” 

Jensen looks across the room, sees Jared leaning against a wall and talking with Milo Ventura, which was a pretty silly porn name if he did say so himself. A queasy sensation courses through him. Jared and Milo had done some scenes together for Helix. Jensen should know, he’s watched every single one. He hadn’t even know they were friends outside of work. Jensen’s met a handful of Jared’s friends, but they’re mostly girls like Sandy and Genevieve. 

He looks away quickly. “It’s not like we made plans or anything,” Jensen mumbles. 

Jeff peaks around him, catches where Jensen’s gaze just was. “Uh-huh.” After a moment’s pause he leans in close again, breath hot on Jensen’s ear. “Wanna make him jealous?” 

“Who?” Jensen chokes out, already knowing the answer. That’s stupid, though. Jared wouldn’t -- Jared isn’t -- 

“You know who,” Jeff purrs in his ear, making him shiver once more. “C’mon, Jen. You’re nuts about the guy. Admit it.” 

“I’m not,” Jensen replies weakly. 

“So you don’t care if he goes home with Ventimiglia tonight.” 

Okay, now Jensen can understand the porn name. He looks Jeff straight in the eye, their faces inches apart. “He can do whatever he wants. And so can I.” 

“Mmm. Well, better think fast then because your boy’s on his way over here, just as I predicted would happen.” Jeff whispers the words in Jensen’s ear, head bent against his neck like he’s kissing it, or whispering all the filthy things he wants to do to him. His hand tightens on Jensen’s forearm. Jensen can barely think of a response before he hears a throat clearing behind him. 

“Hey, guys!” Jared says, voice a little _too_ bright. 

He and Jeff untangle from one another, Jeff’s hand shooting across Jensen’s front to extend to Jared. “Good to see you, son.” 

Jensen watches Jared raise one perfectly tweezed eyebrow and shake Jeff’s hand. “Same.”

Jared smiles down at Jensen, who returns it a little uneasily. Standing between Jeff and Jared, who were nearly the same height, makes Jensen feel towered over even at 6’1”. 

Jared’s always made him feel so small, though. Jensen may be older, but he _feels_ younger in Jared’s arms at times, just from the sheer size and bulk of him. 

“I was just telling Jensen that I’d love to whisk him away from this party to somewhere more private, but then it occurred to me you two might already have plans.” 

Jared starts at that, eyes leaving Jensen’s to cut to Jeff’s. “Oh. Um. Not — I mean, it’s not like we said —“

“Great!” Jeff exclaims, cutting him off and clasping one hand possessively on Jensen’s shoulder. “So there’s no reason why we shouldn’t leave together, then.”

Jensen groans internally when he realizes what Jeff is doing. It’s stupid. Jared _isn’t_ jealous and has no reason to be. Jensen has never needed it when Jeff has played concerned parent in the past, and he certainly doesn’t need him playing matchmaker now. 

“Jen can do whatever he wants,” Jared replies, voice a little hard. “He’s a big boy.” 

Jensen has to smile when Jared’s words echo Jensen’s own thoughts. 

“And what about what you want?” 

Jared blinks, mouth working. “Me? Why does that — I’m having a good night. I mean, I’ve got a few awards, an open bar, and uh, Milo over there offered to show me the view from his room.”

“I just bet he did,” Jensen mutters, the words leaving his lips without his consent. Jeff elbows him discreetly in the side. 

They’re all quiet for a moment, before Jeff says slowly, “What if I said the view from my room was nicer?”

Jared’s eyes widen a little, right along with Jensen’s. “I -- uh --” He glances at Jensen, question in his eyes. Jensen’s speechless. _This_ he wasn’t expecting. 

“Let me very blunt,” Jeff says, voice smooth as honey. “What if I said I’d love it if both you and Jensen would accompany me to my room tonight.”

Jensen’s heart kicks up, leaping into his throat. He thinks about how dwarfed he feels standing between them. His non-dick led brain is thinking otherwise, though, wondering just how much of a colossal mistake this may be. 

Jared looks between them, and Jensen can’t read his expression. There’s heat, sure, but there’s something else too. “I’d say... if that’s what Jensen wants...”

“How about it, Jen?” Jeff’s hand smooths over his shoulder, squeezing his upper arm. “That what you want?”

His words are a challenge. Like Jensen is about to tell him _thanks but no thanks, I’m leaving with Jared alone_. Like he _expects_ it. 

Well, fuck that. 

“Yeah,” Jensen says, looking between them both. “Yeah, why the hell not?”  
_________________________

It really shouldn’t feel as awkward as it does when the three of them step into the hotel room and Jeff shuts the door firmly behind them. After all, Jensen has had stupidly hot sex with both of these men. 

Jeff steps past them into the room and turns on one of the lamps by the king-size bed, shedding his suit jacket as he goes. He doesn’t seem uncomfortable in the slightest. 

Jensen and Jared stand, a little frozen, in the middle of the room watching as Jeff loosens his tie. Jeff pours himself a drink from the mini bar before taking a seat in the chair near the window. 

“I think I’ll just watch for now, if that’s alright with you boys. Don’t get to fully appreciate the two of you fucking right in front of me when I’m playing the role of responsible director.”

Jared reaches out, palms one big hand down Jensen’s back, making him shiver even through his suit. “That mean you won’t be directing tonight, then?”

Jeff’s eyes darken at Jared’s smooth, flirty tone. “Would you like me to?”

“I wouldn’t necessarily mind it,” Jared replies, loftily, his hand now smoothing over Jensen’s ass slowly, almost possessive, eyes never leaving Jeff’s. Jeff’s gaze shifts downward, tracking the motion of Jared’s hand before looking between the two of them. He shoots Jensen an unreadable look before addressing Jared again. 

“And if I said I also wanted to cast myself in one of this evening’s featured roles?” 

Jeff’s words are a challenge and Jensen’s skin feels like it’s on fire. 

After a moment Jared answers. “I’d say that’s up to Jensen, but I’m cool with whatever.”

Jeff sizes Jared up and Jensen swallows hard. Then Jeff’s eyes are on him, dark and piercing. “Alright. What do you say, Jen?”

Jensen wants to say that he thought they’d already settled this back at the bar and to cut the bullshit. Instead he looks at Jeff levelly and replies, “I’m down for whatever you both want to throw at me.”

Jeff nods after a beat, then leans back in the chair, slouching down a little, parting his legs just so. “Alright. Kiss for me, but don’t touch anywhere else. Make it slow and deep.”

Jared turns to him, and Jensen knows he wants to reach out, cup his face, reel him in. Jensen aches for just that too. Instead, Jared leans down and kisses him open-mouthed from the get go. Jensen’s ready for him, sucks Jared’s tongue into his mouth and swallows his soft sigh. Jensen moans too as they explore each other in an almost dreamlike state, drawing it out with all lips and tongue and teeth while panting into one another’s mouths. Jensen’s hands are fisted at his sides, his legs quivering. 

“Christ, you two are gorgeous together.” Jeff’s voice is a breathy whisper; Jensen had nearly forgotten he was there. Jensen whimpers and kisses Jared even deeper, his jaw starting to ache. 

“Touch now. Run your hands all over one another, but keep it slow, just like the kisses.”

Jensen sighs into Jared’s mouth as Jared’s hands find his shoulders before dragging slowly down his arms. Jensen’s wrap around his waist, trace up the curve or his back before detouring downward to his ass, palming slowly. So slowly. 

“God, Jen.” Jared groans into his mouth, hands running back up his arms to cup his face while biting he bites at Jensen’s lips. 

Jensen quivers, feeling as though he might fly apart at every touch.

“That’s it,” Jeff says, his voice getting rougher. “Undress each other. Jackets and ties first, then shirts. Slowly still. Tease me, boys.”

Jensen’s dick twitches. Jeff’s whisky-rough timbre shoots right through him like it always does. This shouldn’t feel so different from Jeff directing them on set, yet it does. This is just for them, and it’s a show, but it’s also real. 

They do as they’re told. Jensen feels like he might burn up at Jared’s touches, at the way his mouth won’t stop kissing him, the way he carefully undresses him. 

They stand, staring at one another’s bodies, when they’re naked from the waist up. It almost feels like the first time. 

“Jen, get your mouth on him. Kiss your way from shoulder to shoulder.”

Jensen squeezes his eyes shut, dick jerking in his pants, before complying. Jared groans quietly. His hand comes up to cradle the back of Jensen’s neck as he licks and bites and kisses his way across Jared’s gorgeous, expansive body. 

“Good. That’s so good.” Jeff’s words are even rougher than before, raspy with arousal. Jensen can hear him shift in the chair, idly wonders if he’s begun touching himself yet but doesn’t allow himself to look. “Jared, get his pants off, then stroke his cock through his briefs. You know the drill by now — slow and steady, boy.”

Jared hums quietly, leans forward to kiss Jensen’s shoulder before slowly unbuttoning his fly with one hand and working the zipper down. Jensen’s straining against the fabric and hisses as it catches a little. Jared kisses his neck in apology, nuzzling his throat. 

Then he’s working Jensen’s pants down his hips with both hands, before dragging one finger over Jensen’s aching cock. It leaps into the touch. Jared bites down on his throat as he splays his fingers wide and palms Jensen’s entire cock from top to base and back again. 

Jensen moans loudly, neck tilted back as he arches into the touch. 

“God, yeah. You like that, Jen? Like the way his hand feels?”

“Yeah,” Jensen manages, voice as dry as sand. 

“Yeah,” Jeff echoes, barely a breath. “Your turn now, sweetheart. Same thing.”

Jensen feels Jared tense minutely against him as he reaches for his dress pants. He tries to meet his eyes but Jared’s still got his face buried against Jensen’s neck so he just does the same, kissing behind his ear while slowly working his zipper down. Jared’s hard against his hand when Jensen cups him, squeezing him through that god damn ergonomic pouch, feeling every glorious inch of his dick and aching to have it in his mouth or up his ass. 

“That’s enough,” Jeff rasps out. “Jared, on your knees. Suck his dick through his underwear. Get him wet.”

Jared groans and slides down Jensen’s body, kissing the entire way down.

Jensen’s breathing hard and fast as Jared gets to his knees and works his mouth everywhere, the outline of his cock, his balls, his inner thighs. He’s soaking Jensen’s underwear through and through and it’s the hottest thing he’s ever seen. Jensen risks a glance at Jeff then, mouth open and panting, and sees exactly what he expected. Jeff is sprawled out in the chair, legs spread wide as he strokes the prominent bulge in his pants lazily but also with intent. His eyes are practically black and his bottom lip is pulled between his teeth. 

He hasn’t even noticed Jensen looking, his gaze fixed to where Jared’s mouth is working slow and steady over Jensen’s covered dick. 

Jensen lets out a loud, involuntary gasp. His hips jerk forward, one hand coming up to thread in Jared’s soft hair, feeling the sweat that’s built up there already. 

“Get up,” Jeff orders, voice completely fucked out. “No more.”

Jared does and they stare at each other, panting in sync before shifting their gazes to Jeff in silent question. He’s still stroking over his tented erection before he sits up straight and rises to his feet. “Time to add another player into the game.”

Jensen’s body tenses, both in anticipation and nerves. This is really happening and — and it feels weird, no matter if he’d fantasized about it before. Fantasies weren’t reality. Jensen worked in the adult film industry, he knew that better than anyone. 

Jeff is still dressed as he walks up behind Jensen, while both he and Jared step out of the pants that are still pooled around their ankles. 

Jared’s still breathing hard and staring at Jensen like he can’t bear to look away. 

Jeff fits himself to Jensen’s back, one arm around his waist, resting low on his belly. His beard scratches along Jensen’s shoulder and it feels hot as fuck to have him fully clothed while Jensen was in only his underwear and socks. His dick rides along the crease of Jensen’s ass and Jensen shivers, even as his brain can’t stop working. 

“So hot,” Jeff growls in his ear. “Wanna shove my dick inside of you until you can’t remember your own name.”

Jensen’s eyes roll back in his head and his neck drops back against Jeff’s shoulder just as he feels Jared step in close in front of him. His arm wraps around Jensen in the opposite direction of Jeff’s, his dick is a solid mass against Jensen’s thigh, thick and hot and perfect. 

“Yeah?” Jared growls, right against Jensen’s ear, close to Jeff’s face. “Get in line.”

Jeff laughs quietly as Jensen goes hot all over, brain still in overdrive. It feels like all of this is happening to someone else, like it’s all some incredibly realistic dream Jensen will soon awaken from. “Who said a line was necessary, boy? Was kind of thinking we’d get in there at the same time, so long as Jen here is game.”

“Oh my god,” Jensen whispers faintly, entire body jerking against Jared. 

“Mmm, yeah,” Jeff rasps in his ear, tugging on his lobe, “I’d say he’s game alright.”

Jensen blinks his eyes open only to find them still cloudy with arousal. He manages to focus on Jared’s face, sees the lust evident in his own eyes, but mingled with a question, as if he wants to make sure Jensen is really on board. 

Jensen hasn’t been DP’d since he worked for Sean Cody. It wasn't bad, but what he remembered the most was the tons of prep, the million stops and starts, and the utterly ridiculous positions that were required because everything always has to be so extreme and convoluted when it comes to porn. In the end, his orgasm hadn’t been memorable enough for him to want to try it again. 

Now, though. _Christ._

“I’m good,” he says to Jared, nodding. “I want to, if you want to.”

Jared looks at Jeff and then back at Jensen, before kissing him hot and hard. One large hand cups Jensen’s face, Jared’s fingers firm and steady along his jaw. “Yeah,” he whispers, breaking away. “Yeah, I want to.”

And then that same hand leaves Jensen’s face, reaches for Jeff and drags him forward until Jared and Jeff are kissing one another with Jensen still between them. 

Jensen’s heart stops and starts in his chest at the sight of it, a low heat pooling in his belly. This close — even with his head still pillowed back against Jeff’s shoulder and twisted awkwardly to the side — Jensen can see the pinks of their lips, the quick flashes of tongue. 

His stomach twists and he realizes the heat he’s feeling isn’t merely from arousal. He pushes it down, away, focuses on how hot the image is. Because it truly is; the roughness of Jeff vs. the softness of Jared. They kiss furiously, fast and intense like it’s battle. Jensen can hardly look away, regardless of the tightness in his chest, watches Jeff lick into Jared’s mouth, hears Jared moan quietly. 

They finally break away and then Jeff is tilting his face to the left and claiming Jensen's mouth in a kiss just as intense, biting his way past his lips and forcing his mouth open wide. Jensen groans and kisses back, sucking on Jeff’s tongue. He feels lips press against his neck, knows they’re Jared’s. He moans even louder. 

Then there’s a hand on his ass and another on his dick and Jensen has no fucking clue who they belong to. He pushes forward into one then back against the other, while Jared sucks what will probably be the world's biggest hickey against the side of his neck and Jeff licks past his teeth, swallowing all his moans. 

“Let’s take this to the bed,” Jeff whispers as he breaks away, and Jensen tenses again, still wondering if this truly was a good idea or not. His body wants it, my _god_ does his body want it, but — he can’t shake the uneasy feeling that all this might do is confuse what was already a confusing situation with Jared. 

Then Jared is kissing him again and Jeff has one arm around them both, guiding them to the bed and Jensen pushes it all down again because, hell, it’s just sex. Just sex with the two people he’s had the greatest sex of his life with up until this point. It’s a no brainer to bring them together for one scorching threesome. 

_I can totally do this_ , Jensen thinks as Jared lies back on the bed and Jensen climbs on top of him. Jeff slides Jensen’s briefs down from behind before bending down and burying his face between Jensen’s ass cheeks, while Jared kisses him hard and fast, his hands all over his body. Jensen moans desperately into his mouth, all while pushing back against Jeff’s tongue. 

_Jesus Christ, yes, I can do this._  
_________________

Jensen has no idea how long Jeff has been eating him out. Jeff added fingers to the mix at some point and is fucking Jensen with three now as his tongue laps in between them. Jensen had traded fucking Jared’s mouth with his tongue for fucking it with his cock at some point, too. He’s braced over him, legs on either side of Jared’s shoulders. His hands are planted flat against the wall in front of him as he thrusts his hips forward into Jared’s mouth, and then back against Jeff’s face, who was now on his knees behind him, sat between Jared’s spread legs. 

Jensen’s strung out on pleasure and shaking with it. He’s also beyond glad the industry blocked off a section of rooms for tonight’s event, as there is no way the people in the neighboring suites won’t know exactly what’s happening in this bed right now. At least now all he has to worry about is giving some of his colleagues an earful, rather than complete strangers. 

Despite the pleasure coursing through his body, right up through every nerve-ending, Jensen still isn’t completely drunk on it all, still hasn’t lost himself in that mindless state where no other thoughts enter your mind beyond how good it all feels. 

It’s surprising because the simultaneous feel of Jared and Jeff’s mouths on him is probably one of the most incredible sensations Jensen’s ever experienced, and he’s been fucked while sucking, and sucked while fucked. Yet those other threesome acts completely paled in comparison. 

And they haven’t even gotten to the main event yet. He knows it has to do with how in tune both Jared and Jeff are to his body, how they can press every one of his buttons. Jared, maybe, even more than Jeff. The two of them have been so sexually compatible from day one. Even with Jeff it had taken a little while for them to find their rhythm.

Sure, that first time with Jeff had been hotter than hell, but anyone could make it great for a bottom if they actually cared enough and weren’t so single mindedly focused on their own orgasm 

(This has always been something for Jensen to bond with his straight female friends about--how their boyfriends couldn’t even be assed to figure out where their clits were.) 

But it had still taken a few more times before Jeff knew every place that made Jensen moan and shake and quiver, and vice versa. Jared, though, Jared seemed to be cosmically tuned into every single want and desire that Jensen had, sexually, from the moment they met. 

Still, he can’t seem to get out of his own head. He hopes the act of fucking will finally turn his brain off. His shivers and fucks deeper into Jared’s mouth, listening to him groan and slurp around his cock. He drags his hands through Jared’s hair, tugging, nearly sobbing when Jeff shoves four fingers inside of him. 

Jeff finally breaks away, panting hot and damp against Jensen’s cheek, his beard scratching over his sensitive skin. “How about you sit on Jared’s face,” Jeff rasps out, “while I suck his cock.”

That same low furled heat sneaks through him again and Jensen tries to ignore it. “Yeah, okay,” he says, pulling his dick out of Jared’s mouth before brushing his fingers over his lips. “Okay?”

Jared blinks up at him, eyes watery from the face fucking he’s been receiving and his cheeks apple red. “Yeah, baby,” Jared’s whispers and then pulls Jensen down for a long slow kiss that kick starts his heart. 

Jensen breaks away, moving to stand above Jared before slowly lowering himself down. He feels Jeff’s firm hands on his back, tracing the length of his spine and then hears Jared gasp even as his tongue fucks deep into Jensen’s hole and his big hands hold Jensen’s cheeks apart. 

Jensen wants to look back, wants to see what Jeff looks like sucking that huge dick, but he can’t, can barely even hold himself up on his shaking legs, bent at the knee as he squats above Jared and takes his tongue. Jared’s moaning steadily against him now, the vibration delicious. He can hear the sounds of Jeff sucking dick and they get him even harder, despite that weird twisting feeling that still won’t go away. 

Jared pulls Jensen down onto him firmly, so he’s completely sitting on his face. Jensen practically screams at the action, that tongue so deep inside him, his hole twitching and his dick spurting precome.

He hears an obscene pop and then Jeff’s hands are back on him, dragging over the top of his ass. “Please tell me you’re ready,” Jeff groans.

Jensen assumes he’s talking to him but who the fuck knows anymore. All he can do is whimper and shake as Jared sucks and licks at his hole, nodding his head jerkingly. 

“Get inside me,” Jensen begs. “Both of you just -- fuck me right fucking now.”

And then he’s being lifted off Jared and pulled back into Jeff’s arms. When Jensen recognizes the sounds of lube being opened and condom wrappers being torn, he sends out a silent prayer of rejoicing.  
_________________________

It’s better than the first time he did this, because he’s already been rimmed and finger-fucked into oblivion. Jared and Jeff still take turns fingering him with generous amounts of lube, Jensen on his back with his legs in the air as they kiss one another between his spread thighs while working him open. 

They don’t fit together, is the thing. Jared and Jeff, they’re complete opposites, even more so than Jensen and Jeff. Jared is a baby-faced, clean cut American boy you can take home to your parents, yet has a confidence in bed he seems to lack elsewhere. Jeff has bad boy looks and exudes confidence in all aspects of life. But they’re still gorgeous together, and there’s a rawness to their kisses. 

They jack one another’s cocks slowly with their free hands and Jensen is hypnotized by the movements, and more than that, the way Jeff is doing it _all wrong_. Jared likes long, slow strokes and concentrated pressure to the head of his cock, a little squeezing, a tad bit of pain. Jeff’s grip is too loose, his angle off. Regardless, Jared is still moaning into his mouth quietly as they kiss, but his dick isn’t squirting precome like it does when he’s with Jensen. 

They’re finally through with him, deeming Jensen good to go. He watches with hungry eyes as they roll the already opened condoms down one another’s hard shafts and then coat them with even more lube. He’s gonna have those inside him. He’s gonna take both of those incredible dicks at once. 

It’s almost too much to process. 

“How do you boys wanna do this?” Jeff asks, looking between them, his hand absently stroking Jensen’s still spread thigh. 

“I want him to ride me,” Jared says before Jensen can even think of an answer. 

Jensen’s breathing quickens and he sees a small smile, secret form on Jeff’s face. “Sounds good to me. I’ll get behind him. My knees are going to hate me in the morning but, shit, it’ll be worth it.”

Jensen’s chest heaves and he has to squeeze his dick to keep it all together. “Alright,” he chokes out. “Yeah, let's do this.”

The look in Jared’s eyes when he meets them is one of utter possession, and Jensen’s dick spurts precome yet again. 

He’s drowning and there’s no way out. That’s all there is to it.  
________________________

It’s mostly a blur until they actually get going. Jensen rides Jared at first, just gets used to that huge dick once more. They kiss and touch, all the places they know so well. Jeff reaches around to jerk Jensen off, his body a solid presence behind him even though Jensen is mostly pressed forward onto Jared. 

When they finally start the double penetration, it’s rough going. It doesn’t seem possible at first. Not with how huge Jared is, how he’s practically splitting Jensen open to begin with. But they angle him forward a little more, so Jensen is laying flat on top of Jared, all wrapped up in him as they kiss and touch. And then Jeff eases his way inside, inch by slow inch. It’s so much, too much. His body wants to push Jeff out at first, but then hands are stroking his back and his hair. He knows they’re Jared’s because Jeff’s are a steady pressure on his hips, but also because no one has hands like Jared. 

“You okay, baby?” Jared whispers against his lips. Jensen relaxes and doesn’t push back, lets Jeff slide a little deeper inside. Jared continues on before he can answer. “So good. You’re doing so fucking good, Christ, Jen.”

And Jensen’s missed that, missed hearing Jared’s voice as they fuck. They’ve been so silent tonight, almost disconnected from one another in a way they’ve never been before.

“You feel so good,” Jensen whispers against his throat. “So big.”

Jared groans deep in his throat and their lips connect again as Jeff strokes his hips gently. 

“You ready for us, sweetheart?”

There’s that tension in Jared’s body again and Jensen vaguely wonders if it has to do with the endearment. Then tells himself it’s a ridiculous thought.

“Yeah,” Jensen says, breaking away and mouthing along Jared’s jaw. “Gimme everything you got.”

Jeff shifts so he’s kneeling, one leg between Jared’s spread thighs while his other leg is flat footed on the mattress and bent at the knee, just off to Jensen’s right. It shifts the angle a little, gets him in higher above where Jared is still halfway inside him. Jeff begins to fuck forward with his hips, while Jared raises his own upward off the mattress. Jensen can do nothing but literally lie on top of Jared and take it, stuffed full in both directions. Jeff bends over his back, presses kisses to what he can reach even as Jared refuses to relinquish his claim of Jensen’s mouth or his hold on his body for one second, eating away every broken moan. 

Jensen is stretched wide, on a precipice between pleasure and pain, and drinking it all in. His dick slides against Jared’s belly, a little softer now but he’ll definitely be coming tonight. 

He still can’t get himself fully out of his head, still feeling that offness, like both dynamics are fucked up tonight. He feels further away from Jeff than ever before during sex, like he’s holding himself back from talking too much, from telling Jeff just how good he feels. Because he does, _god_ does he. Jeff’s fat cock, shoved right up against Jared’s inside him, is like heaven. Part of what throws him off is that if this were a threesome with Jeff and any other person right now, Jensen would be all over him, would be pressing back against him, leaning up for kisses, screaming his goddamn name and begging that dick to be shoved deep inside him. 

But here with Jared, it feels weird to be that way. Weird to show just how much he likes being fucked by someone else, even though he loves being fucked by Jared just as much, probably more. 

And he still feels far away from Jared, too, yet not for the same reason. He’s fine with Jeff knowing how sexually into Jared he is. Hell, Jeff has known from day one and directed it on camera. But it’s also weird to express that in front of him when it’s not for the cameras. It’s silly, it shouldn’t matter or be different. But it kind of is, like they’re showing Jeff something that is private, just for them.

He breaks away from Jared’s mouth, panting, when his prostate is hit just right, unable to help the words that finally fall from his lips. 

“Fuck, fuck right there. Don’t stop, either of you.” Jensen groans, kisses Jared’s neck. He has no idea which one of them is doing it or if it’s both of them, but christ if it isn’t one of the greatest things he’s ever felt. 

“Not gonna,” Jared whispers, and fucks up again, his dick right up against Jeff’s, both of them so hot and hard inside him, nearly too goddamn much. 

“Christ, you’re both going to kill me. So fucking close, boys.” Jeff stills his hips, panting against Jensen’s back. His voice is even deeper than when he’s already turned on, like he’s flying apart at the seams.

“Not yet, please,”Jensen whispers into Jared’s shoulder, his entire body shaking. “Please, don’t stop.” 

“God, you’re incredible.” Jensen feels his hand touch his face, then move to Jared’s. “Both of you. So goddamn beautiful together, you know that? Made for each other.” 

Jeff’s words are punchdrunk yet reverent, and they make Jensen’s insides flip. He’s glad he can’t see Jared’s face right now, his silence too loud in the room. The way it has been all night. 

“Enough with the corny lines,” Jensen grumbles, his stomach dropping as he says the words, “and just fuck my goddamn brains out.”

Jared pulls Jensen back in for a biting, soul-searing kiss, and then they’re tumbling toward the finish line; Jeff fucking in hard and deep and long, Jared jackrabbiting his hips in quick, short thrusts, and Jensen rutting himself, messy and uncoordinated, against Jared’s slick belly until he comes with a hoarse, broken cry, ass tightening around them both. It ignites Jeff’s orgasm first and then Jared’s, the two of them sobbing out their release in his Jensen’s ears. 

Jeff collapses against him and Jensen presses Jared even deeper into the mattress. It’s sweaty and sticky and they’ve got to move, but Jensen can’t because he can barely breathe, much less get his legs to work.

Jeff ends up doing most of the work, pulling out slowly, shifting Jensen to the side, and disposing of both the condoms. He brings over a washcloth and mini bottles of water, all while Jared and Jensen lay on their backs staring up at the ceiling, still breathing hard. 

It’s awkward. It’s never awkward with Jared. They should he kissing right now. Jared should be turning into him, snuggling that long body all up against Jensen. Instead, they’re lying side by side, feeling the heat radiating off one another, as Jeff drags the cloths over them both and hands them the water. 

“I should get going,” Jared says, sitting up and putting the bottle on the nightstand after draining it all. He sounds strange, not at all like someone who just got well and thoroughly laid. 

“It’s 3 am,” Jeff says reasonably, climbing into bed on Jensen’s left side. “Just stay here for the night, the bed’s big enough.” He yawns and settles down behind Jensen, touching the small of his back, a grounding movement. Jensen presses into it, body on edge at the thought of Jared leaving. 

“Okay,” Jared says softly, lying back down. They push the ruined comforter off to the floor and get under the top sheet. 

Jensen throws a tentative arm around Jared’s waist and holds his breath. After a moment Jared turns into him and snuggles close like he usually does, his head on Jensen’s chest. Jensen breathes out slowly, feels Jeff stroke gently over his other shoulder and closes his eyes. 

In the morning Jensen wakes to Jared’s arms wrapped tight around him as he snores softly in his ear. Jensen had never been a fan of being the little spoon until Jared came along. The thought discomforts him. 

Jeff is no longer in the bed and there’s a folded up piece of paper on his pillow.

_please stop being an idiot and go for it_

Jensen’s still staring at the words when Jared stirs behind him. 

“Mmph, what’s that?” He asks around a yawn. 

Jensen crumples up the note quickly. “Jeff had a meeting early, didn’t want to wake us. Said to tell you bye.”

“Oh,” Jared says, content as anything, oddness from last night apparently washed away by sleep. He wraps his arm tighter around Jensen’s waist and fits his face into the curve of his neck. “Okay.”

Jensen struggles to breathe. 

“Yeah. Actually I gotta get going, too.”

He detangles from Jared, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. Moving isn’t exactly an easy feat with his ass sore as fuck. 

He sees Jared sit up out of the corner of his eye, hair a messy tangle and pillow marks on his cheek. 

“Okay?” He draws out the word slowly, runs a hand through his hair. “Um, where’s the fire, man?”

“Nowhere I just, just gotta go.” Jensen stumbles across the room to throw on his briefs and pants. “Got stuff to do,” he continues in a rush. “But, hey, you stay until checkout. Shower, whatever.”

“Jen, slow down, alright? Just — stop.”

Jensen doesn’t, won’t look at him. Jeff’s note is still echoing in his brain and Jensen has to get away. 

“I have to go, Jared,” Jensen whispers hoarsely. Then he’s out the door, still hobbling into his shoes with his shirt undone and his jacket and tie wrinkled messes in his hands. 

_Something has to change_ , Jensen thinks as he takes the stairs down, limping from the soreness with each step but unwilling to risk waiting for the elevator.  
_____________________

Jensen isn’t too happy with Jeff, who is already on a plane back to Seattle. He texts _maybe lay off the matchmaking and stick to directing._

Jeff’s reply proves he’s not all that happy with Jensen either. 

_Maybe don’t bother talking to me till you stop being such a dim-witted moron_

Jensen hates this. Hates that sex, the most uncomplicated thing in his life, has become the _most_ complicated one.

He’s exchanged a few texts with Jared, but they haven’t seen each other in a few days since— everything. Jensen finds himself out to lunch with Danneel, whom he’s kind of neglected recently. Which is extra shitty seeing as she’s moving soon. He's glad that she’s talking about herself though, catching him up, because the last thing Jensen wants right now is to discuss the mess that is his love life. 

“And then yesterday, out of the blue, she tells me she can’t go. We leave in a _month_ , Jensen and she decides to take this job that just got back to her.”

Danneel is talking about her friend that’s supposed to be moving to Chicago with her. They’d already signed a six month lease for a two bedroom.

“Shit, that sucks, Dani.”

“Who the fuck am I gonna find to live with now? I don’t want it to be some stranger, man, you know how I am.”

And suddenly it’s like the clouds part, or maybe the sea. Because this is it. The change he needs. A clean start. Hell, he’s been restless in this city for a while now. A change is long overdue and what better time but now, especially if he already has an apartment secured. 

“I could move in with you.”

Dani stares at him like he’s grown three heads. “You? Seriously?”

“Yeah, why not? We get along well, it’ll be good.”

“Right,” Dani says slowly. “But you’ve got a whole life here, Jen.”

Jensen shrugs, deliberately not thinking of Jared. “Been wanting to move for a while now.” It isn’t a lie. He’d been seriously considering it shortly before the first shoot with Jared had come along. Jensen had even inquired to Eric if Randy Blue would be cool with it, willing to fly him in or shoot wherever he ended up. And then Jared entered in life and Jensen just… hadn’t really thought about it much, lately. But that’s only because he’s been so busy

He smiles encouragingly at Dani. “C’mon, it’ll be great!”

Dani eyes him before beginning to smile herself. 

Jensen tries to calm his nervous heart. This is good. This will be good. 

Jared comes over a few days later and they very pointedly don’t talk about the threesome, watching a movie and then making out until they’re grinding together on the couch. They move to the bedroom and it’s like it always is, normal and not awkward, no holding back. 

It’s perfect, better than perfect. When Jared quietly breathes out his name as Jensen comes, while still fucking slow and deep inside of him, Jensen knows he’s made the right choice.

“Chicago,” Jared repeats flatly, while they’re lying in one another’s arms. 

“Yeah.”

Jared pulls back, eyes dull. “You’re — what the fuck, Jensen, when did this come about?”

“Decided a few days ago. It just kind of happened.”

“You’ve never even mentioned wanting to leave,” Jared says, looking like a kicked puppy. 

“Well, I have. It's not a big deal. I spoke with Eric and Sera and I’ll still be flying in for any shoots out west, and RB has a studio there. It’s a win-win.”

“Right,” Jared says, voice devoid of emotion. He opens his mouth, like he wants to ask something else, and Jensen holds his breath. 

Jared plasters a too-bright smile on his face and says, “Well, congrats, man. I’m happy for you.”

Jensen doesn’t know why the words anger him when this is exactly what he’d wanted.  
____________________________

There’s a lot for Jensen to do before leaving. Friends to see, loose ends to tie up, further discussions with Randy Blue, informing his landlord, figuring out how much of his stuff he wants to take and what he wants to sell. He’s stressed out and nervous and Jared’s there through it all, because of course he is. Because no matter how weird things have gotten at times, he’s still the best fucking friend Jensen’s ever had, and Jensen’s had some pretty great friends. 

This time it’s Jared doling out the massages, in between Jensen’s packing. He also helps him move some stuff out to the street that he wants to get rid off, and fucks him into mattress at the end of the night. Jared starts leaving afterward, though. Jensen vaguely wonders if he’s got someone to get back to -- the thought entirely unpleasant -- but Jensen’s learned by now that Jared wouldn’t be the type to still fuck around with him if he was seriously dating. 

Jensen’s going away party that Chris and Steve throw him is the night before he leaves. It’s a fun time, but also bittersweet. Just because he’s ready to leave L.A. doesn’t mean he’s ready to leave everyone. Chris and Steve throw it in their apartment and put on a makeshift Kane performance for the occasion. Jensen hasn’t seen Jared at the party for a little while. Jensen kept catching his eye across the room earlier, while talking to one person or another. As the man of the hour he’s in high demand. Finally, Jensen spots him in a corner, standing against the back wall near the kitchen and nursing a beer as he watches the performance. Jensen takes a moment to watch Jared: the long legs, casual lilt of his body; the way he can look so comfortable in his own skin yet still unsure of himself all at once. 

He’s thought it before, but there truly is something about Jared that makes it impossible to look away from him. It’s more than his looks, more than the fact that he’s usually a good few inches taller than anyone in a room. 

Jared has a magnetic presence, an aura about him that Jensen has been in awe of since the day they met. He’s also awkward and slightly graceless; a truly overgrown puppy, which makes him that much more of an enigma. Jensen’s not sure if he’s ever been as fond as anyone in his entire life as he is of Jared Tristan Padalecki. 

Throat dry, Jensen makes his way over to lean against the wall next to him, their shoulders touching. Personal space has never been a thing between them. Jensen’s warmed by the way Jared relaxes against him immediately. 

“Gonna be weird,” Jared says, still looking straight ahead. 

“What is?” Jensen asks, their voices only loud enough to be heard by one another over the music. 

“You. Not being in this city.” 

Jensen’s heart tightens in his chest. “We’ll still see each other, man.” He forces his voice to be light, bumps his shoulder into Jared’s.

“Not the same, though.” 

“No,” Jensen agrees. They’re both quiet, too quiet. “You wanna come home with me tonight?” 

Jared turns his head slowly, looks at Jensen like he’s trying to figure out how his brain works. “Yeah,” he says after a moment. 

Jensen nods, swallowing hard. “Will you stay?” 

He feels too raw, asking that. But he really doesn’t want to sleep alone in his bed his last night in L.A. Wants the feel of Jared’s strong arms wrapped around him, always too-warm yet still so good. 

Jared looks at him hard, and once again it’s like he’s trying to look right through Jensen. 

“Yeah, Jen,” Jared replies, voice low, yet Jensen can still make out every word. “I’ll stay.” 

“I’m sure i’m not the first one tonight to call you an idiot,” Chris says later while they’ve escaped to the balcony for a cigarette, Jensen breaking his “only after sex” rule. Whatever, he fucking needs it, body jumpy as as hell. 

“Thanks, you’re a great friend. And yes, I’ve already heard this script from Steve earlier when he cornered me outside the bathroom when I was just trying to take a piss. And Jeff via text. Multiple times. You’re late.” 

“Uh-huh. Maybe third time’s the charm.” Chris stands with his arms folded over his chest, almost challenging. “Seriously, man, you are literally running away from home. You recognize that, right?” 

Jensen frowns, looks out over the skyline of DTLA. “I’m not. There’s nothing to run from, man. And this has never been ‘home’.” He takes a long drag and blows it out harshly. “I’m just… burnt out. C’mon, you know I’ve talked about leaving L.A. forever. I’ve been here a while and I’m just… tired of it.” 

Jensen arrived in this city nearly eleven years ago. He’d set out to make a name for himself, and ended up carving out one he’d never anticipated in JR Richardson. It wasn’t the plan, but it suited him well. L.A. has served his purpose, it helped him establish a career. Now Jensen can take that career and go somewhere. 

“Right.” Chris sounds like he doesn’t believe one word. “I just hope you know what you’re doing.” 

Jensen does. He thinks he does. 

The sex he and Jared have that night is slower than any in recent memory. Jared takes him apart, piece by piece, before slowly fitting him back together again. They fuck for hours. They lie in each other’s arms, not sleeping but also not talking. Jared steals one of Jensen’s cigarettes. Jensen’s never seen him smoke anything other than weed before. In the morning, Jensen wakes up to an empty bed and a note on his nightstand. 

_Have a safe flight. Call me when you land._

_I’ll miss you, man._

_Love, Jay_

Jensen feels empty as his eyes scan the neat scrawl. He’d been hoping they would at least wake up together, maybe fuck again in the shower, have breakfast. Maybe Jared could’ve driven him and Dani to the airport.

He supposes this is for the best, though. Time to start fresh.

Jensen pulls himself up, ignores the hollow feeling in his chest and the way Jared signed that note, and gets ready to face the next chapter of his life.  
__________________________


	3. Act II and Epilogue

**Act Two**

_ two years later - 2008 _

_I've found I'm scared to know  
I'm always on your mind_

“You’re on your way?” 

Jared’s laughter is warm in his ear. “Yes, Señor Ackles, for the millionth time. Plane was delayed but I’m in a cab now.”

“I could’ve just picked you up.” 

“I’m not letting you pick me up for a booty call. How gauche is that.” 

Jensen laughs, stretching his legs out on the bed. “Well, I guess it wouldn’t have been a great idea, seeing as I’m naked.” 

“Oh, god. Don’t do that to me.” 

“Hey, don’t blame _me_ for us not having fucked in a while.” 

Sure, Jensen moved away but Jared’s the one who -- up until recently -- was in an exclusive relationship, for nine whole months. It had been -- weird, dealing with that. Jensen is kind of seeing someone right now himself, but it’s still new and they aren’t anything close to exclusive. He doesn’t want that, especially not with Matt.

Before Jared’s venture into monogamy, they’d done one more scene together after Jensen’s move to Chicago and fucked whenever Jensen was in town for a shoot or a visit. Before today, Jared has only been out to Chicago a handful of times, and all before Jensen had moved into his new - roommate-free - loft apartment. (Dani found a guy a few months into their move and they began living together about a year ago.)

They did, however, go on vacation together to Miami last year. They’d barely even seen the beach, fucking in the room, on the balcony, in the shower, in the tub. It was shortly after that trip that Jared had hooked up with Vinny (even his _name_ was douchey, Jensen thought meanly). 

The relationship had taken Jensen by surprise, seeing as their vacation had been -- well, it had been the most couple-like thing Jensen had ever done. With anyone. Period. Towards the end of it he’d begun to wonder if maybe he was being stupid, if maybe this guy was one of the best things to ever happen to him and he was letting it all slip by instead of trying to have the entire package. 

And then, two months after their trip and before Jensen could decide if he even wanted to voice any of those feelings, Jared told him about Vinny. Jensen had been incredibly glad he’d never said anything. Jared clearly didn’t want more than what they had, and Jensen would’ve only made an already awkward situation even more awkward. 

That’s not to say hearing about Vinny from Jared _hadn’t_ been awkward. That was some award-winning awkwardness. It’d been uncomfortable for Jensen because of -- well, whatever the hell he’d been feeling that he’d finally begun to admit, and uncomfortable for Jared as he audibly stumbled over how to tell Jensen that they’d have to go from friends with benefits to just friends. 

It wasn’t something they’d ever had to do for an extended period of time. Jensen didn’t know what it was like to hang out with Jared or talk to him on the phone or via Skype without flirting with him, one thing leading to another. Without orgasms on the table. 

It had been an adjustment, for sure. Jensen had visited L.A. a few months after that phone call and ended up out one evening with Jared, Vinny, Chris, and Steve. He had been so thankful for Chris and Steve’s presence, barely able to keep from rolling his eyes at Vinny leaning all over Jared, sharing his dessert with him, making gooey eyes. Jared had seemed happy, if slightly uncomfortable. Maybe Jared didn’t do PDAs like that, and if that was the case then fuck that guy for putting him in an awkward position. 

Jensen visited again for his thirtieth birthday bash that Chris and Steve were throwing. Dani flew in with him, and Jared, Sandy and Gen were there among the guest list. Mike, Tom, and Jeff showed up too. Jensen was glad that Jared hadn’t brought Vinny along, but he’d definitely felt a little miffed that he couldn’t even get a birthday kiss.

He’d found himself out on the fire escape, smoking his first cigarette in over a year and looking out at the city he’d left behind. Jeff joined him after a few minutes. They didn’t say anything, just smoked in companionable silence. When they’d put out their butts, Jeff leaned into Jensen. 

“I’ve got a huge bed at the Hilton and nowhere to be until Sunday.”

And so at the end of the evening Jensen had hugged Jared goodnight and ignored the way Jared’s eyes took in the fact the Jeff was still milling about. Jensen had nothing to feel bad about, and he refused to. Jared was the one in a relationship. 

So he’d gone back to Jeff’s hotel and got superbly fucked while calling him daddy. Maybe it wasn’t exactly how Jensen had wanted to spend the night he turned the big 3-0, but it was still better than being alone. 

Jensen hadn’t really planned on leaving Jeff’s bed until his plane. It was the weekend and so he’d assumed Jared had plans with Vinny. So when Jared texted if he wanted to come over the next night, it had thrown him. 

Jeff kissed him at the door and said, “I know we aren’t talking about this, but I still wish you’d grow a pair.”

Jensen had replied, “Yes, you’re right, we’re not,” and said he’d be back later if Jeff was interested. 

It turned out Jared wanted to celebrate Jensen’s milestone birthday a little more lowkey. He’d cooked Jensen’s favorite Texas barbecue, had a six pack of beer on hand, and gave him his present. 

It was a guitar. A gorgeous, wood acoustic guitar like the one Jensen used to have (that he told Jared about the weekend of Lake Tahoe) but better because it was from Jared.

It was perfect, and also criminal that Jensen hadn’t been able to kiss Jared in that moment. And almost laughable, given that Jared kisses and sucks and fucks guys for his day job, which his boyfriend was apparently cool with. Perhaps Jared felt the same, if the way he’d clung to Jensen while they hugged and stared at his lips after they’d parted had been any indication. 

Then Vinny had texted Jared that he’d be over later and Jensen had left alone with his new guitar and a longing not just to be with Jared sexually -- but also just _be_ with him, be the one Jared was hanging out with on a Saturday night and eventually taking to bed. Like they used to. 

He didn’t go back to Jeff’s hotel room either, just went to his own and hung out with Dani. They watched shitty rom-coms while Jensen scoffed.

Jensen didn’t visit L.A again after that, booking his gigs locally. He saw his family and invited them out to see his new place. When this past Christmas had rolled around, Jensen’s mom had wondered if he’d bring Jared by. But Jared made plans to visit Vinny’s family in Palm Springs, after going home for a few days to see his own. Jensen had merely shook his head at her and tried not to feel like things were completely changing. 

In the end Jared and Vinny’s relationship had lasted nine months, which was about six months longer than Jensen expected it to. And now Jared is single again, has been for two months, and he is finally getting to Chicago to see Jensen’s current apartment and, more importantly, to fuck Jensen into his goddamn mattress. 

Jared’s saying Jensen’s name through the phone, now, and it shakes Jensen from his thoughts. 

“Sorry, just thinking about everything you’re gonna do to me. Just get, here why don’t you. Already stroking my dick.”

He does so then, one long leisurely pull.

“God,” Jared whispers. “God, Jen, can’t wait to get my mouth around you.”

“Get here already,” Jensen repeats, voice a thin rasp. “The door’s unlocked.” Then he hangs up. 

He’s gone nine fucking months without this, he really doesn’t want to wait another minute longer. 

Jared walks in thirty minutes later, not like Jensen’s been counting or anything. 

“Hello?”

“Up here,” Jensen calls from the loft area. Jared comes into view below. He stares up at Jensen, duffle thudding to the floor near his feet. 

“Christ,” Jared says, looking up to where Jensen's spread out on the bed. He immediately toes off his shoes and starts shedding his clothes. His jacket falls to the floor, his shirt is tossed over the railing, and his jeans end up on the stairs. By the time Jared reaches the top of the loft and edge of Jensen’s bed, he’s clad only in SAXX, the red ones that Jensen loves, and then he’s peeling those down too.

Jared has filled out a lot in the past two years. He’s got a breadth to his shoulders and chest that he didn’t have when they first met. His face is a little more angular, and he’s wearing his hair slightly longer now so that it curls a bit more at the ends. Jensen always loved running his hands through that hair, pulling on it as they fucked. He can’t wait to do it now. 

“God,” Jensen breathes as Jared gracefully crawls onto the bed and drops down on top of him. Their lips meet immediately and Jensen groans, opening his mouth, sucking on Jared’s tongue. 

“Fuck,” Jared moans against his mouth, starting a slow grind into him. “I dunno if I’m gonna last, man, been too long.”

Jensen nods, swallowing another kiss. His hands stroke down over Jared’s muscled back and perfect, round ass. “S’okay. We got all weekend.”

They grind together, and never stop kissing in between desperate whispers. When they come against each other, Jensen’s barely satisfied by the release despite how good it is; he feels like he’s just getting warmed up. 

“Can you go again?” Jensen breathes, rolling Jared over and grinding his still half-hard dick into the groove of Jared’s thigh. 

“Baby, I can always go again with you,” Jared whispers. Jensen shivers all over when he cups his ass and dips a finger between his cheeks. 

Yeah, it’s been way too fucking long.  
____________________________________

Jensen’s got some weed and they light up after their third round, lying perpendicular on the bed together. Jared’s head is resting on Jensen’s ribcage as they pass the joint back and forth. 

“So I’m thinking about starting my own for-pay service.”

“Yeah?” Jared cranes his neck back to look at him. 

“Mmhmm.” He exhales sharply. “There’s this site called OnlyFans. You heard of it?”

“Yeah, think so.”

“Lots of people in porn are doing it. You manage yourself, no cuts to anyone else except the site hosting fees. Subscription only access. And you can get cash tips on videos.”

“Huh. Sounds good, but what about studio porn?”

“I dunno. Feeling pretty burnt out. I’m thirty-one now, man. Not getting any younger.”

“Yeah, you’re ancient, alright. The three orgasms in the last two hours definitely prove that.” 

Jensen flicks him on the shoulder. “Feels like it, seeing as I’ve been in the business since I was 19. What do you know anyway, you’re practically still a rookie. Plus, I can still do other work, just per diem, not contract.”

“Less exclusivity,” Jared points out. 

“Please, I can probably pull whatever I want on my own.”

Jared laughs, turning to look at him again. His eyes are bright, his hair soft against Jensen’s skin. Jensen’s honestly never seen anyone more gorgeous. “I always forget how confident you are.”

Jensen shrugs. “I’m good at what I do.”

“Oh don’t I know it,” Jared leers, waggling his eyebrows. 

Jensen barks out a laugh even as his dick twitches feebly. 

“So how about it, Jay?” Jensen teases. “Would you subscribe to my site?”

“I’ve been jerking off to you in porn since I was fifteen, man. Of course I fucking would.”

Jensen blinks at that. Vaguely he always knew Jared had been a fan, but he had no idea it went back that far. “Wow. Um.”

Jared squeezes his eyes shut, wincing, before slowly opening the left one. “Did I make it weird? I just made it weird, didn’t I.”

“No! No, I just. Wow. You just never came off as pornstar struck or whatever.”

“That’s cause you ended up being this regular guy from back home. But I was definitely nervous when we first met.”

Jensen smiles at that, remembering the way Jared had blushed and fidgeted. 

“And it’s not like I’ve been harboring some massive crush since I was a teenager. You just uh, really helped with me figuring out what I wanted.”

Jensen grins down at him. “Oh yeah? And what was that?”

“Dick,” Jared laughs. “Lots and lots of dick.”

“Awww, and look how you’ve chased your dream, baby.”

“That’s it, you’re going down,” and then Jared’s climbing over him.

Jensen barely remembers to get rid of their joint before quipping, “Not if you go down first.”

Jared tackles him to the bed and they laugh into each other’s mouths as they kiss. 

Later, Jensen gets a text from Matt and shoots off an answer as they’re eating pizza on the couch, leaning into each other’s space. 

“Who’s that?” Jared asks with his mouth full.

Jensen rolls his eyes and tosses him a napkin. Animal. “Guy I’m kind of seeing. It’s new.”

Jared pauses, pizza half in his mouth, and stares at him. 

“What?”

“You’re dating someone?”

Jensen rubs the back of his neck. “Not like — we're not exclusive or anything and neither of us wants to be. But yeah. I guess so? It’s been like two months.”

“Huh.”

“What’s ‘huh’?”

Jared gives him a pissy look. “‘Huh’ is ‘huh’, Jen. I’m just surprised is all.”

Jensen looks away, takes an angry bite of his pizza. “Nothing to be surprised about.”

“Is he in the business?”

“No. But he’s cool with it all. Like I said, he gets his share just as much as I do. But he’s fun to hang with. Don’t know too many people here still aside from Dani and her friends.”

“So… what makes it dating, then?” 

“Huh?” 

“If you’re fucking other people still, why is it dating?” 

“I dunno? We go out on things that I suppose could be considered dates? He’s the only one that sleeps over?” 

Jared chews on his lip. “Okay, but -- like, how does that differ from a fuckbuddy. Or, say, me? For example?” 

“You?” Jensen’s pulse is suddenly racing. 

Jared doesn’t look at him, just picks at a spot on the blanket. “Yeah, me. I mean, we kind of did those things, didn’t we? We hung out all the damn time when you were in L.A.” 

“You were my best friend,” Jensen blurts dumbly. “You still are.” 

Jared’s silent again for a beat. Then, slowly, he says, “So, because we’re best friends with benefits… it was different.” 

“Exactly,” Jensen says, exhaling. 

“And with this guy, you’re dating him because you were never his friend.” 

Jensen frowns again. “I… guess so? Jesus, man, I don’t know. I’m too high for this conversation.” 

Jared opens his mouth to say something else and then seems to think better of it. Jensen’s not sure if he’s relieved or disappointed. 

“Alright. Well, congrats, I suppose. Now tell me more about the OnlyFans thing.”

So Jensen does. They decide Jared is absolutely going to feature in one of the videos, especially after Jensen tells him more about his vision. 

“Honestly the main reason I want to do it is to just — do what _I_ want to do, you know? Finally get fucked on camera again, break all that stereotypical bullshit that we talked about so long ago.”

“I love that, man. I will absolutely fuck you on camera for the good of the porn industry.”

Jensen laughs and any earlier tension is now completely dissolved. “Maybe we should get a head start, huh? See what we look like. Think I’ve got my old camcorder around here somewhere.”

Jared crawls over him, knocking the now empty pizza box to the floor. “How’s about I just fuck you into the couch and we get fancy tomorrow, hmm?”

“Christ, yes,” Jensen breathes out, feeling Jared’s thickening cock pressed against his belly. “C’mere, stud,” he says, pulling him down to his lips. 

Jared comes.  
____________________________________

“So, I’m thinking about barebacking for the site,” Jensen says the next day Jared’s settled in. After they’ve filmed their fucking, watched it, and fucked again. 

Jared turns his head so fast on the pillow that _Jensen_ gets whiplash. “What?” 

“What? I told you I wanted to do things different.”

Jared frowns at him, that little crease on his forehead prominent. “There’s different and then there’s dangerous. Seriously, what is up with you, man? You having some early midlife crisis or something?” 

“Har, har,” Jensen replies, rolling his eyes. “There’s nothing up with me, Jay. I’m just… expanding my horizons.” 

“Uh-huh. Could you throw any more curveballs at me this weekend?” 

Jensen leans over, presses a kiss to Jared’s bare shoulder. “Making up for lost time?” 

Jared snorts. “We talk and Skype multiple times a week. Which makes it even more odd that you didn’t mention you were seeing anyone till now.” 

Jensen shrugs, unease settling low again. “Whatever, stop changing the subject.” 

Jared shifts so he’s facing him, propped up on one elbow. “Oh, the subject. Right. The subject where you fuck a bunch of pornstars on camera with no glove.” 

Jensen hardens his gaze. “It isn’t exactly unheard of, man. Stop making me feel like I’m throwing out a completely foreign idea here.” 

Jared’s face relaxes at that. “No, I know… I’m sorry, I just. I dunno, I just think if you’re going to -- just be selective. Make it like -- a treat for the fans or something.” 

“Selective, huh?” Jensen considers that. 

“Yeah.” Jared settles down next to him, head on his shoulder. “You ever? Before?” 

Jensen nods, jostling him a little. “Yeah, in some Sean Cody scenes.” 

Jared lets out an impatient little huff. “I mean other than porn, man.” 

“Oh,” Jensen replies, eyes a little wider. “No. You?” 

He feels Jared nod, his hair tickling his skin. “Yeah,” he mumbles. “My first boyfriend back home. I was young and dumb.” 

Jensen gives into the urge he nearly always has with Jared and reaches down to stroke his hair back behind his ear. “No one else?” 

“Nope.” 

Jensen pauses. “Not even Vinny?” 

“No. I uh, wanted to? I like the idea of the intimacy of it… but he wouldn’t. Because of my job.” 

Jensen scowls, fury building inside. “Fucking asshole.” 

Jared chuckles, low. “Yeah, well.” 

Jensen isn’t sure what makes him do it, that fierce protectiveness he always has when he’s around Jared coming out strong. He tilts Jared’s head back gently, brushes their lips together, and whispers, “You wanna?” 

Jared pulls away so their eyes can meet; his are wide. “Now?” 

Jensen shrugs, feeling a little sheepish. “I’m clean as of my last test four weeks ago.”

“Well, me too.” Jared chews on his lip, his pupils gone dark. “But uh, shouldn’t you check with Matt?” 

Oh. Right. Matt.

Jensen stiffens. “Yeah. Um. Well, maybe on the site then. You can be one of my “selective” partners.” 

Jared laughs lightly and smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. The air around them feels weird suddenly, tense, and Jensen doesn’t know how that happened. 

“Sounds like a plan, man,” Jared says, kissing his pec before dropping his head down again. Jensen strokes his hair absently, mind going in a million directions yet not formulating one clear thought. 

Jared reaches over Jensen for the bottle of water on the dresser before opening Jensen’s drawer and pulling out a bottle of pills. 

“Woah, dude, I know those aren’t mine. Please tell me you’re not into Poppers now.” 

Jared rolls his eyes. “No,” he replies, knocking the pill back with a long gulp of water. “They’re uh. Zoloft.” 

Jensen scratches the back of his neck, vaguely remembering seeing a TV commercial once, a woman hiking a trail with her dog and all her problems now solved. Depression, Jensen remembers. It was an ad for depression.

Jared is looking down at a spot on the sheets now, and Jensen kind of wishes they weren’t naked. 

“I was diagnosed with depression last year,” Jared says quietly, confirming Jensen’s deduction. 

Jensen’s a little speechless. He isn’t naive enough to believe the way someone behaves outwardly dictates who they are inside or how their brain functions. But still, he can’t help but think he missed something along the way here, that he could’ve helped in some way. 

“How are you doing?” Jensen asks quietly. 

Jared shrugs. “The pills are helping. It’s not -- mine’s mild. I’ve probably had it for a while, but last Thanksgiving I kinda -- I was just having a really rough time.” 

The surge of protectivess that only comes out when he’s around Jared returns tenfold. He hadn’t been there. Jared had been going through something tough and Jensen just -- hadn’t fucking been around, hadn’t even _known_. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, lump in his throat. 

Jared looks at him, eyes earnest. “Jen, you couldn’t have prevented it. I know you, so stop beating yourself up. It just is.” 

Jensen can’t help it. He repeatedly wants to shield Jared from anything and everything. Even if it means his own brain and body.

“I should’ve gotten medicated a while ago, to be honest. I always knew something was wrong. It wasn’t like I couldn’t be happy or that I was always faking it, but the bad times -- would be pretty low. And they’d just sneak up on me, and I’d be in this fog. Usually when I was alone and didn’t have to be -- I dunno, _on_. Anyway, I was afraid to even talk to a doctor about medication because everything I’d read would mention potential sexual side effects and well -- it’s kind of my occupation to have sex on demand and taking Viagra just...yeah.” 

Jesus Christ. Of course Jared had sacrificed his own mental health for his sexual prowess. It was just like him. 

“Please don’t do that again.” Jensen feels raw at the thought. 

Jared cups a hand to his cheek, stroking his thumb along Jensen’s jaw. “I won’t. I started the Zoloft about six months ago. It’s going good -- it’s a low dose to begin with. Just helps even out my moods and so far my dick is handling it fine.” 

Jensen smiles at that. “Well, yeah, I’ve definitely had zero complaints this weekend.” 

Jared smiles back and Jensen pulls him down for a soft kiss, squeezing his eyes shut and letting the feel of Jared wash over him, the protectiveness still there but coupled with the knowledge that Jared is getting help, that he’s doing better. He still hates that he had no idea, that he couldn’t help in some way. But he lets those thoughts go and just holds onto Jared instead.  
___________________________

Before Jared leaves Jensen pulls out the camera again, but doesn’t put it on the tripod. Jared raises an eyebrow as Jensen looks through the viewfinder. 

“What are you up to?” 

“Thought maybe I’d try my hand behind the camera.” 

Jared laughs, shaking his head. Jensen’s just glad things don’t feel weird right now. They’d actually left the apartment, met up with Dani for lunch, grabbed some deep dish. Jared has a late flight back tonight and Jensen’s glad they’re able to fit in some more alone time before having to go back to their regular lives. 

“Want me to put on a show for you?” Jared’s clearly going for corny but it comes out sexy to Jensen, his voice rough. Every damn thing Jared does is sexy. 

“Mmm-hmm. Show me that moneymaker, darlin’.” 

Jared laughs again, dimples on full display, his eyes shining. Jensen’s pulse hammers in his throat.

“You’re ridiculous, Ackles.” 

“What, not as good at this as Jeff?” 

As soon as he says it he regrets the words. They actually haven’t talked about that night at all. And Jeff hasn’t really come up in general. 

Jared’s eyes dim a little and Jensen hates that things feel fucking weird _again_. The two of them are never this off-kilter. 

“You’re a bit of a novice,” Jared says lightly. He pauses.“You, uh, seen him lately?” 

Jensen flips the camcorder off and sets it down on the bed. Jeff has visited Jensen occasionally since the move to Chicago, but definitely less than when Jensen was in L.A. (“A bit far for a booty call, sweetheart. No matter how fine that booty is,” Jeff had said once, voice light and teasing.) They skype though, and talk on the phone. They’ve actually had a good deal of phone sex since Jensen’s move. Jeff plus phone sex is pure sin, his voice made for it. But he doesn’t know if he should tell Jared that.

It’s only then does Jensen realize that throughout their entire friendship, they’ve never once talked about their hookups. Sometimes they’d compare stories about video shoots, or gossip about another model they fucked on camera but that was work. Jared never talked to Jensen about Vinny, Jensen’s said next to nothing about Matt this entire visit, and casual hookups have never been a topic of discussion. 

“Not for a little while,” Jensen finally answers. “He doesn’t get out this way much.” 

It isn’t exactly a lie, if not the entire truth. Jared’s shoulders seem to relax a little, though, and Jensen has no idea what he’s thinking. 

“I’ve only seen him once since, uh. The award show. Your 30th.” 

Jensen scratches the back of his neck. “Right, yeah.” 

Jared shrugs. “I mean, he’s more of a work acquaintance to me, I suppose. Never really got to know the guy, you know?” 

“Yeah. Um. Sorry if that was. Weird. That night of the show.”

Jared stares at Jensen for so long that it starts to feel uncomfortable. He wants him to say something, anything. 

“S’all good, Jen. It was... I mean, you were --” 

Jensen’s pulse begins to race, his dick filling up from the memory of how Jared touched him, felt inside him. Aside from how off things felt between them that night, Jared was -- god, he was… 

“Jensen,” Jared chokes out, and then they’re meeting in a clash of lips and tongues, Jensen’s knee knocking into the camcorder as he shifts to straddle Jared’s lap. It’s a hot and heady head rush. Jared’s hands stroke and caresses him. Make him feel lit up all over. Jensen’s not ready to put him on a plane, so he simply holds on and tries to make this moment last. 

After Jared leaves, Jensen watches back the brief footage he’d captured, replaying the part where Jared smiles, wide and bright, a few times over.  
_________________________________

The site is a hit. It’s about four months in and Jensen has thousands of subscribers. It turns out many of his fans were as thirsty to see him bottom on screen as Jensen was to do it. Sure there are still a few who post dumb comments after one, all “wanna see him giving it to an ass not taking it” or whatever, but they’re still paying for monthly subscriptions and that’s all that matters. 

He’s still with Matt and things are going well. It’s lowkey and easy, no pressure. Matt’s an equal opportunity player and has no problem getting into the action with OnlyFans. He won’t do standard videos, but he’s allowed Jensen to film them in threesomes with some models after Jensen’s own shoots. 

Matt loves the fact that he gets to fuck other pornstars _and_ his pornstar boyfriend at the same time, and Jensen loves the fact that he gets to sell those videos at $25 a pop, exclusively to members who message him wanting a copy. They receive a secure link that can’t be downloaded and no one has to worry about the content getting out there on the mainstream pornweb. 

Jensen’s done a few studio videos in between, one for Hot House and one for RB, and better yet he gets to promote them on OnlyFans. Jared’s been busy himself, both with RB and some freelance modeling jobs he’s been doing. (Seeing Jared in a Tommy Hilfiger ad, all sunshine smiles and floppy hair, had been a bit surreal.)

The few times they’ve seen each other in the last couple of months have all been in L.A. Jensen’s been too lazy to bring his video equipment with him so they can film something -- would rather just have Jared fuck him hard and fast -- so they don’t actually get around to recording a scene together until Jared is in Chicago again. 

“We filming a threeway afterward?” Matt asks casually the morning that Jared’s meant to arrive, while they’re brushing their teeth together in the bathroom. He says it as easy as someone asking if they need milk in the house. This is their weird relationship and it’s working so far. 

Still, the question completely throws Jensen, despite the fact that Matt always asks that whenever Jensen films a scene for the website. He spits out his toothpaste, stares at himself in the mirror. 

“Uh, no. Not this time.” And that in and of itself isn’t an odd response either. They don’t do a threesome every time. It’s actually only been a handful. But for some reason it feels different this time, the utterly visceral _no_ that pounded through his brain. 

It isn’t until later, when Matt’s left him with a kiss at the door and a “Have fun,” that Jensen realizes it wasn’t that he was adverse to the thought of Jared touching Matt, but completely uncomfortable with sharing Jared with Matt. 

He shakes it off, shoves it to the back of his mind like he’s been doing since he first left L.A., and sets up the video equipment near the bed. 

It’s time to get into director mode and focus. 

(He suddenly understands why Jeff tries to avoid distractions such as fucking the talent. Unfortunately, Jensen can’t exactly avoid that since he’s one half of said talent).  
_________________________________

“This feels kind of weird,” Jared mumbles against Jensen’s lips. They kissed at the door and now they’re kissing on the bed. Jensen’s already in his briefs, but Jared’s still got his clothes on, sans shoes. They’re both on their knees in the middle bed, hands roaming greedily. 

“Why?” Jensen whispers. 

“I dunno,” Jared mumbles, mouth against his neck. “That we’re about to film it for people other than just us to see, and there’s no crew around. Just -- weird.” 

“Good weird?” Jensen bites at his jaw, voice helpful.

“Yeah,” Jared sighs, nails scraping along the back of his neck. “Good weird. Now turn on the camera before we never actually do this.” 

“Kay,” Jensen says, leaning in for one more kiss before bouncing off the bed. “There’s a few of ‘em. For different angles.” 

“I know, Jen,” Jared snorts. “I’ve watched your videos, remember?” 

Jensen chuckles. How can he forget? Jared is his biggest “tip” giver. Jensen keeps telling him to stop, that he’s going to go broke, but Jared doesn’t listen. Jensen’s gone ahead and waived his monthly membership fees, though, so he figures they’re probably even. 

Jared will also leave enthusiastic comments, much to the delight of other members. Recently there’s been a lot of replies, wondering whether or not Jared will finally do a video. Jensen is glad they haven’t done it before this, now that the anticipation is at an all-time high. After all, it’s been nearly two years since the public has seen JR Richardson and JT Austin fuck on camera. 

And now they’re going to do it bareback, for the first time. 

Jensen is both excited and nervous about that. Jensen had already made sure his tests were up to date, and Jared received his clean bill of health this past week. Matt is cool with it, and Jensen has already done it on camera for the site, except he’d been topping at the time. 

Then Matt had fucked him bare for the first time a month ago and they’ve been doing it that way since. But this is different. This is Jared, the only person he’s fucked more than Matt at this point. Jeff is probably up there too, but yeah. 

This is-- it’s a big deal. And Jared is going to be wearing a cock ring too, so he can come inside Jensen and just keep on going, again and again. That’s all they have planned. Everything else they are winging, like they do when they fuck only for themselves. 

With his other scene partners, Jensen usually tells them the gist of what he wants to happen, the event choreographed like studio porn.

“And don’t call me Jensen or Jen or fucking _Stackles_ on camera,” Jensen warns before flipping on the main tripod camera and then using a remote for the smaller ones that are mounted to the walls of the loft. 

“Yes, dear.” 

Jensen laughs, aware that comment was probably picked up. He crawls back onto the bed on his knees while Jared stands at the side of it. 

“You look good,” Jensen nods in his direction as Jared slowly lifts his shirt over his head. He does. Tan and healthy and good enough to eat. 

“You too,” Jared whispers, and it’s adorable because he clearly knows they’re being filmed now and his shyness is almost palpable. Jensen gets a surge of affection and has to reach out, tug him forward by his belt loops. 

“C’mere,” he whispers and Jared does, getting onto the bed on his knees again. Then they’re kissing once more, lost in one another. 

They do that for a long time, on their knees on the bed, bodies angled into one another. Jensen can feel the heat of Jared’s erection against his hip, feel how hard Jared is already simply from this. Jensen knows he has the ring on already and his mouth waters at the thought of Jared fucking into him again and again. 

Jared tips him down onto the mattress near the pillows, covering Jensen’s body with his own. Jensen moans and arches up, wrapping one leg wantonly around Jared’s hip. They grind together in just their underwear until Jensen feels hot all over, consumed by Jared’s weight and the feel of his tongue sweeping inside his mouth. 

Jared breaks away, kisses his way over Jensen’s jaw and down his neck. “Want you to suck me,” Jared whispers, almost too low for the camera. Jensen nearly forgot they were filming.

“Yes,” he replies quietly, and flips Jared over, immediately swallowing him down. Jared is huge inside his mouth, possibly harder than he’s ever been. Jensen doesn’t know if it’s the cock ring or the fact that it’s been a while, but he isn’t complaining. 

Jared groans, scratches his fingers along Jensen’s scalp and pushes his hips upward. “Always so good,” Jared breathes. “God, baby, always so fuckin’ good.” 

Jared’s accent is always more pronounced when he’s turned on, yet he often curbs it for his porn videos. Not with Jensen, though. With Jensen, he lets himself go and Jensen marvels at how Jared has become someone he knows so intimately, both in and out of bed. There’s no one that even comes close to that in Jensen’s life aside from Jeff and Jeff doesn’t -- well, Jeff isn’t the person Jensen wants to text randomly just to talk about his day and be the last one he hears from before he goes to sleep. 

He knows it’s messed up, that he should save things like that for someone like Matt. But there’s no one like Jared. 

When it’s finally time for Jared to fuck him, it feels more intimate than ever before. Jensen can’t attribute it all to the fact that they’re barebacking. It’s simply everything; the way Jared strokes one broad hand down his back as he fucks into Jensen from behind, riding his ass slowly and grinding in deep. The way he says, “No one feels as good as you,” body curved over Jensen’s as he moans in his ear, mouth on his neck. 

Jensen isn’t exactly silent himself. He forgets they’re being filmed, forgets everything but the feel of Jared’s bare cock inside him for the first time ever, coming inside him and then flipping him over to continue fucking him on his front. 

“I missed you,” Jensen gasps into Jared’s mouth as he drives in hard and fast, fucking his come deeper into Jensen’s ass as the ring keeps him hard. He blames the words on the too good sex and the surreal feeling of Jared filling him up. Jesus Christ, Jared just _came_ inside him. He doesn’t remember it feeling like such a monumental event when Matt did. And that makes him feel rather shitty, despite their open relationship. “No one fucks me like you do,” Jensen continues, and hell if that isn’t the truth. 

“God, baby, I’ve missed you, too,” Jared whispers, voice as low as Jensen’s before he’s coming inside him again, wringing out Jensen’s own orgasm. It’s possessive and hot, the way Jared fucks him through both of their orgasms. Jensen doesn’t know if Jared’s assumed that he’s barebacked with Matt, but the way he’s taking him, claiming him, it's like he's trying to ruin him for anyone else who would dare try. It’s -- fuck, it’s too much. So much. 

They finish it up with Jensen riding him, lazy and slow. Jared doesn’t stop touching him, doesn’t stop staring into his eyes. Jensen feels flayed open. 

Jared is lazily pumping Jensen’s cock and Jensen cries out as he comes on Jared’s dick again. Jared shudders and shakes before coming in Jensen’s ass a third and final time, orgasm clearly weaker this time but enough in such a short period to have Jared looking more strung out than Jensen’s ever seen him. Jensen falls down on top of him, kissing him deep and wet. 

He remembers to flick off the cameras with the remote as they kiss lazily, Jared’s arms tight around him. There’s no condom to dispose of this time and Jensen feels off kilter. They lay, staring at the ceiling before Jensen pulls out two joints he rolled prior to Jared’s arrival. They smoke them in silence. He wonders if Jared will ask when Matt’s due back. He wonders if Jared will want to watch the video. He’s still wondering after they’ve finished smoking and then he’s falling asleep, Jared’s arm slung low across his waist.  
_____________________________

The video is a huge success. Jensen didn’t say much in his description to the post, just how he had a special surprise for everyone and to welcome JT Austin. It’s his most popular post to date by a long shot. There are tons of comments, about their chemistry, the barebacking, how hot it is to see them like that with Jensen on the bottom this time. Jared comments too. 

_looks like we’re a hit, babe ;-*_ and Jensen can’t help the stupid grin on his face. Jensen begins to add in some live shows, given how popular his site has become. He travels to Florida, New York, New Orleans and makes a lot of money doing some performances. He’s more comfortable with it than he would’ve thought, but it’s just sex after all. 

A few months later and life is chugging along as usual aside from two pretty big things: Jared decides to start his own OnlyFans site and Matt moves in with Jensen. They decide on the move out of practicality, since Matt is there a lot anyway and it’s beginning to get silly for him keep paying his own rent every month when he could be splitting Jensen’s. It begins to feel a little weird, though --fucking other people in a bed they’re sharing -- so Jensen starts to book hotel rooms for shoots instead (unless Matt’s doing the threesome with them and then he hangs around and watches.) 

Jared’s website venture is born out of beginning to feel burnt out on studio porn himself and wanting more freedom. He’d set up the page, gained a ton of followers without a single video having been posted, and then added a solo video as a tease. Jensen watched, completely enraptured, as Jared stood in front of a webcam, donning one of his soft, comfortable hoodies and jeans. In the video, he carefully pushed a hand through it while teasing his other hand over his fly. 

Jared brimmed with nervous energy as he spoke to the camera, flirting and teasing before finally jacking himself off, long, slow and sinful. Jensen has jerked off to that video at least ten times since it was posted. And it’d been his turn to leave a big tip. 

Jared wants Jensen to be in his first non-solo video. So that’s how Jensen finds himself flying out to L.A. and feeling atypically nervous. Maybe it’s because they’re doing it for Jared’s site and not his own. Or that he’s yet to mention how Matt moved in.

All of that nervousness goes out the window once they’re naked together. It’s slow at the start. Jared loves the gentle drag and pull of kissing, loves running his hands all over Jensen and mapping the places he hasn’t touched since the last time they saw one another. But usually it gets frantic before long. This time is different. 

It’s got to be going on twenty minutes and Jared still has Jensen on his back, naked kissing the hell out of him, bodies pressed in so tight yet they’re barely moving, just -- feeling. Jensen’s zeroed in on every single place they’re touching, goosebumps rising on his skin as faint tremors work their way through his body until he can feel it in his _toes_. 

“Missed you, baby,” Jared whispers into Jensen’s mouth, so quiet the mic might not pick it up. Jensen locks his arms around Jared and gasps at the ceiling as his earlobe is sucked and Jared’s cock drags along his own. 

“You drive me crazy,” Jensen admits. Jared pulls back, stares down at him and then lifts one of Jensen’s legs and slides his dick right along his crack. 

“Gonna fuck you so good,” Jared promises. 

“You always do.” 

There’s something about them fucking this way that makes Jensen want to lay all his secrets bare, audience or no audience. 

Jared groans and gets started on the prep. Jensen’s been fucked without a condom by Jared a few times now, but he still isn’t prepared for the feel of it, anticipating it down to his bones. Jared doesn’t draw it out. He knows what Jensen can and can’t take by this point. Pretty soon he’s bottoming out, the cold metal of the cock ring resting against Jensen’s ass a stark contrast to the heat of Jared’s dick.

They start with a smooth, steady pace and It’s slow again until it’s not. Jared begins pounding into him, giving it to Jensen exactly how he loves it. They’re face to face, bodies pressed in tight and Jared is _shaking_.

“God, baby, I’m so close already.” The words are barely a breath, spoken right against Jensen’s lips.

Jensen wraps his legs around Jared higher. “Give it to me,” he coaxes, scratching his nails down Jared’s back. 

“Shit.” Jared shudders. “Gonna come inside you.” 

“Do it. Give me it, every drop. Every last drop is mine.” He feels crazed out of his skull, possessive in ways he only lets himself get when he can play it off, call it part of the scene. It’s all for show, all for the fans. Maybe that’s why he allows some vulnerability, too. 

Jared whimpers at Jensen’s words, lips hot on his jaw before he’s coming apart in Jensen’s arms. 

“No one feels this good,” Jared sighs, almost absently, into Jensen’s hair. He wonders vaguely if it’s a comment for their viewers, an endorsement of Jensen’s ass. He can’t care, though. Not when Jared is roughly shifting them over, pulling out only to slide back in behind Jensen, knocking him to his hands and knees on the bed. 

“Shit, baby,” Jared groans as he bottoms out once more, hand going around to jerk Jensen in time with his thrusts. “Got me so close again already.” 

Jensen laughs, pushing back onto his dick. He’s close himself, just a few more thrusts of Jared hitting him right where he needs it and -- 

“Fuck, oh fuck,” Jensen gasps, shooting all over Jared’s hand and the bedspread. 

Jared’s forehead rests against the back of his neck, pressing kisses into his skin. “Yeah, that’s it.” He wrings out the rest of Jensen’s orgasm before pressing him down flat and holding him there, hand on the back of his neck right where his mouth just was. Jensen hears him grope around for something and knows immediately it’s a handheld camera. Seems Jared has decided to get all fancy with this shit, even more than Jensen. It’s as stupidly endearing as it is hot. 

“Gonna come again. God, gonna mess you up so good.” Jared pulls nearly all the way out before sliding back in, long and slow. Jensen gasps into the bedsheets and then does it some more when Jared begins to come. 

“Shit. Holy shit.” 

Jared pulls out, flopping backward onto the pillows. Jensen’s bones feel like jelly and his ass is aching but there’s no way in hell this is over yet. They did absolutely zero planning except that they were going to go for three times with the cock ring. 

Jensen looks at Jared over his shoulder, gets a weak yet gorgeous smile in return; genuine. Jensen’s heart stutters. 

“Wanna come here and ride me?” Jared’s words are slurred and Jensen’s cock jumps. He imagines he’ll never get over the lazy twang of Jared’s accent when he’s this strung out on good sex. It still feels like home. 

“What do you think?” Jensen knee-walks up the bed and straddles Jared’s lap. He watches Jared shake as he jerks him off, letting his fingers graze the cockring. Then he’s holding Jared steady as he sinks down on him, the burn of it heady. 

“Baby,” Jared whispers when he’s balls deep inside Jensen, then pulls him in for the slowest, sweetest kiss. Barely a kiss, really. Just a sharing of breath. It’s intoxicating and Jensen can’t make himself increase the pace, simply rolls his hips in slow circles and keeps his mouth on Jared’s, slack and wet. 

“God, what you do to me,” Jensen says, the words too much of an admission. 

“Same.” Jared’s lips are hot against Jensen’s jaw. 

They lock eyes, moving together slow and steady, Jared’s hand jerking Jensen in time. It’s almost too much, watching Jared’s face as he rides him, knowing this is all being captured on camera. Jensen wants desperately to look away.

“Gonna make me come?” Jared asks, voice low and heated. 

“You know it.” Jensen shivers when Jared’s free hand runs almost lovingly up and down his back. He moves his hips faster, screws himself down harder, gasping at the feel of Jared so deep inside. 

Jared’s eyes never leave Jensen’s. "No one else can do this to me, make me come three times."

Jensen’s eyes close briefly before he opens them again. 

“Just you. Always you,” Jared says. Jensen comes on a moan. 

 

Jared’s hand leaves Jensen’s cock and he grabs both of his hips, thrusting up once, twice, three times before he’s spilling inside Jensen, tremors wracking his body. Throughout it all, he keeps his eyes on Jensen. 

Jensen falls forward, finally breaking the gaze, and pants hard against Jared’s neck. “Fuck.”

“Mmm-hmm. Fuck is right.” 

Jensen laughs, boneless euphoria settling in. They stay connected, lazily touching and kissing until Jared gently lifts him. Jensen flops back on the bed, feeling unsettled. Time to get things back on solid ground. 

“So how was your shoot?” Jensen asks, back arched in a stretch. Jared mentioned he was finishing one up the day before. 

“Good, good,” Jared says, crawling up to the pillows next to him and flopping down, taking one of the hand towels from Jensen to dab at his stomach. 

Jensen rolls his head to the side to look at him. “Yeah? Who was it with?” 

“Chad Michael Murray.” 

“Ahh.” Jensen laughs as Jared gets up on his knees to reach over and switch off the cameras. He idly wonders if Jared will keep that bit in. “He’s a piece of work.” 

“Yeah,” Jared agrees, smiling, “but he’s a buddy. Haven’t seen him much the past few years since he moved to Florida. Met him shortly after I arrived in L.A. He was the one who convinced me to give this whole porn thing a go, actually. Of course, he’s straight as a ruler.”

Jensen rolls his eyes. “One of those.” 

“Gay for pay, baby.” 

Jensen laughs and Jared comes up to join him on the pillows, immediately curling into him and kissing his shoulder. “No thank you.” 

He steals Jared’s handheld camera from him and flips it on. 

Jared’s smiling, teasing face comes into view on the screen. “Aww, you wouldn’t go straight for pay, Stack?” 

Jensen snorts. “I tried to convince myself I was straight from the ages of fifteen to seventeen. It didn’t go very well, as you can see.” 

Jared hums and drags his tongue along Jensen’s clavicle while Jensen films. “Well, lucky for me then, huh?” 

The words make his stomach clench, make him think about the things they say to each other during these shoots. The things they _only_ seem to say when they’re this far gone in the sensations of just being together again. It’s getting confusing. Especially since Jensen has a boyfriend who he -- well. Really liked? Loved?

“Stop filming me, Ackles, I’m trying to cuddle here,” Jared grumbles. Jensen laughs half-heartedly and flips off the camera. Yeah, it’s fucking confusing, alright. 

It gets more so when Jensen bites the bullet finally tells Jared about Matt having moved in, as they eat pizza naked in bed. He can’t read Jared’s face other than the obvious surprise. 

“I’m glad you’re happy, Jensen,” is what he ends up saying after a few beats of silence. He can’t remember the last time Jared called him by his full name. 

Jensen finds himself wondering if he can honestly call _himself_ happy. He’s -- comfortable. Content. But happy? 

He can’t say.  
____________________________________

Jensen spends a few days at Jared’s catching up, going out together, visiting friends, and fucking a lot. Jensen’s actually missed the city a bit. Or maybe he’s missed the people. He takes Jared’s camera around with them, films him as they walk on the beach, eat lunch, laugh in bed. Jared indulges him the entire time, making kissy faces at the lense, pretending to strip in public, teasing Jensen about his “directing kink.” Jensen could get addicted to this, to be honest. Jared is meant to be behind a camera and Jensen’s found him to be his absolute favorite subject. He’s toyed with the idea of filming something that he doesn’t star in, maybe putting it up on his webpage. But for now he’s content taking footage of Jared, and it being solely for them. 

They coordinate the posting of the scene they shot in Jared’s apartment on both of their websites. Jensen’s caption is a lot longer this time. 

_Hey guys. So, many of you know my buddy JT Austin. And I know our first video together on here was a huge hit. Well he’s launched his own page on OnlyFans recently and you guys should go and check it out. He asked me to star in his first video with another model and you can find that below. We hope you like it. I can honestly say there’s no one I’ve been more sexually compatible with than JT, and he’s probably the person I’ve fucked the most over the years, aside from my boyfriend. It’s a pleasure to share this with you. Enjoy!_

Jensen bites his lip after he’s posted it, wonders if maybe he shouldn’t have gone that far. Jared comments not too long after, with a simple: “Ditto <3” and Jensen’s heart does a funny flip. When the comments start coming in, though, he does begin regretting it. 

_cockboy69: man, they’re so hot but it’s more than that. All that whispering? I really thought they were together back in the day_

_daddybear88: yeah, i remember when JR started this site and mentioned the bf. I bought one of the vids expecting it to be jt ngl_

_cumluver1: i want them to destroy me and then make sweet, tender luv 2 each other theyre so mfeo!!!_

“Jesus,” Jensen mutters. He’d forgotten about their rabid fanbase and how many fans wanted them to be a couple. He wonders if Jared’s getting similar comments on his page and is too afraid to check. Instead, Jensen watches the video back for the first time, seeing as he’s got some downtime and Matt’s not home from work yet. 

He’s -- speechless when it ends, and hard as a rock. Jensen really didn’t remember them whispering to each other that much. The audio barely picked up most of it up during the riding, that’s how quiet they were being; intimate, like lovers. Jensen remembers what they said, though, in the heat of the moment, and his ears begin to burn. 

He pulls up the first video he did with Jared on his site and compares it. It’s similar in how quiet they are, the too-honest things they whisper to one another that could be written off as porn talk except Jensen knows it’s not. He lets himself go with Jared in these videos, loses his inhibitions in ways he hasn’t let himself before. He tries to think about how he is with Matt, if he’s that… tender? That’s what one of the comments said. 

Jensen doesn’t know what to make of it, doesn’t know how to reconcile people wishing Jared was his boyfriend. Doesn’t know what to do with the ache in his chest at having once again left Jared back in L.A., constantly missing him like a phantom limb. 

It’s been three years since he left L.A. and moved to Chicago and Jensen’s feeling itchy, like maybe something needs to change again. He just doesn’t know what, or how.  
_________________________________

A few weeks later Jared’s site is even more of a success, with a sizable chunk of Jensen’s built-in viewership crossing over and subscribing to him. Jared has multiple videos up now, and Jensen tries not to roll his eyes at Milo and Chad being in two of them. Chad’s harmless and all -- if a bit of a douche -- but Milo. Ugh. Jensen watches both and is happy when there are no quiet whispers, no casual intimacy; no Jared saying that no one else makes him come that hard. Jared also does a video with Brock Kelly, a newcomer on the porn scene. According to Jared, they met at a club in L.A. one night and hit it off. 

Jensen doesn’t learn they’re dating through Jared. No, he finds it out through a fucking comment on Jared’s site; Brock saying he _can’t wait for their date tonight_ and Jared replying with, _Me neither :D_. 

Jensen very calmly closes his laptop and doesn’t go online for the rest of the day. 

The following month, after weeks of needling, Jensen manages to convince Jeff to do a video during his upcoming visit. It’s been a little while since Jeff has come to visit and even longer since they’ve had phone sex, before he and Matt moved in together. This is exactly what Jensen needs right now. 

The night Jeff arrives they go out to dinner with Matt to a casual pub. Jeff and Jensen catch up, and Matt gets to hear a little about Jeff’s life in Seattle. It’s nice, although Jensen finds himself wishing it were just him and Jeff, and then feels like an asshole. 

He’s been thinking that way more and more often over the past few months, since returning from L.A. Jensen’s still feeling that restlessness under his skin and it’s been extending into his relationship with Matt. They’ve been fighting, too, which isn’t something they’ve really done before. Their entire relationship was too -- complacent for fights. And maybe that isn’t a good thing, but whatever is happening now isn’t good either. They’ve barely even been fucking, Matt spending fewer and fewer nights at home. 

He’s all smiles tonight though, charming Jeff with his smooth grin. Jensen knows exactly where this is going five minutes before the words leave Matt’s mouth. 

“So, Jeff. After your scene with Jensen tonight, would you be up for a little something extra?” 

Jensen still nearly chokes on his beer, despite having been expecting it. Matt laughs and pats Jensen’s back, his eyes never leaving Jeff’s. Jeff raises one eyebrow, then the other. 

“Depends on what you mean,” Jeff replies, voice smooth as silk and definitely seeming interested. 

Jensen never would’ve suggested this himself. Especially not with the way things have been with them lately. 

“Just thought we could all have a little fun,” Matt replies with a flirtatious smile out. Shameless. “You’re hot, man.” 

Jeff laughs, drags a hand over his beard. “Well, thanks. I dunno, been a while since I had a threeway with this one over here,” he says, hooking his thumb in Jensen’s direction. “Last one damn nearly killed me, might not survive another.” 

Jensen’s heart freezes in his chest.

“Oh, really? You’ve totally been holding out on me, babe. Who’d you threeway with?” 

Jeff says, “JT Austin,” before Jensen can warn him off. 

Jensen shoots him an alarmed look and Jeff’s eyes widen in confusion. 

“Wait, your buddy Jared? Seriously? From the way you’re so against it anytime I’ve suggested it I figured you two just didn’t do that. What, is he not into me or something?” 

Now Jeff is eyeing Jensen curiously. Jensen stares down at the table, wishing he could hide beneath it. 

“No, it’s not -- it was a one time thing, man. It was no big deal. Drop it.” 

Matt just hums and mutters something under his breath. Jensen asks for the check, ignoring the tension now thick in the room. 

“So is that a no on tonight, then?” Matt asks as they all step out of the restaurant. He sounds pissed off and Jensen pinches the bridge of his nose. Great. Just great. 

Matt had addressed Jensen but it’s Jeff who answers. “Yeah, I think we’ll just stick to the original plan. It was nice meeting you, though.” 

He shakes Matt’s hand, but Matt’s eyes don’t leave Jensen’s. 

“I’ll see you when you get home,” he says finally as Jeff and Jensen step up to the cab. It sounds like a challenge. 

Neither of them speak the entire ride back to Jeff’s hotel. When they get inside, Jensen goes straight to the mini bar. 

“So you never told him.” 

Jensen scoffs and pours some whiskey into glasses for both of them. “You know how long it’d take for me to tell Matt my entire sexual history? It’s not some deliberate omission, man.” 

Jeff takes the glass from Jensen, sipping it slowly. “Yes,” he replies. “But you’ve shot down his requests for threesomes with Jared.” 

Jensen sets his glass down loudly on the coffee table and puts his hands on his hips. “So?” 

Jeff laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “Look, sweetheart. Would you allow me to tell you how it really is?”

Jensen rolls his eyes. “Oh please, be my guest, since you’re going to anyway.” 

Jeff glares at him. “I watched you tonight, Jen. Really watched you. And it was pretty easy to draw a conclusion. It works for you and Matt because you don’t care enough for it not to. Sure, you care _about_ the guy, but you don’t love him. In fact, you don’t even seem to like him very much right now. You two are fighting, right?” 

Jensen’s jaw tightens and he gives Jeff a tiny nod. 

“Thought as much. It’s been comfortable in Chicago. Hell, you’ve said as much to me. But you’ve mistaken comfort for something better, Jen. And you’ve settled because you’re terrified. Because you’ve never felt this way about anyone before and you think you’re not enough for him, that you’ll have to share him. And you feel selfish to lay your baggage on him.” 

Jensen scoffs without words. 

Jeff just looks at him. “Come on, Jensen. We both know who I’m talking about here. Who it’s always been, since the first goddamn day you two met. I saw it then, I sure as hell saw it the night we fucked, and still see it every time you two are together, in every fucking video where you’re making love to each other, right there for everyone to see.” 

Jensen opens his mouth, closes it. It’s one thing, to pretend he doesn’t feel the way he does. He can ignore that, _has_ ignored that, for a long fucking time now. Since returning from L.A. it’s been nearly impossible to, but an exercise in pure self-preservation. Having it all laid out before him by someone else, though… 

“Shit,” Jensen mutters, rubbing his hand across his face. “Missed your calling as a therapist, man.”

“Uh-huh. So this therapist wants to know when you’re finally going to go after your boy.” 

Jensen frowns and sits heavily on the couch. “He’s seeing someone, Jeff.”

It’s true. Jared is still dating Brock Kelly. Jensen doesn’t know if it’s serious between them. People have said that Brock looks like a younger version of Jensen himself. 

Jeff echoes those thoughts out loud. “He’s dating a pornstar who looks like you, Jensen. Do you need him to make a sign or something?” 

“Doesn’t mean anything.”

Jeff comes to sit beside him on the couch, turned in to face him. “Bullshit. Seriously, what’s the worse that can happen?”

“Fuck up the best friendship I’ve ever had? Get punched out by his hot young boyfriend? Lose— lose him.” Jensen says the words on automatic, and it isn’t until they’ve left his mouth that he realizes how much he’s apparently thought this over. And how much that last part scares him. 

“Alright, I’ll give you the punching maybe,” Jeff says lightly, causing Jensen to crack a smile. “But I don’t think those other two will happen. You guys are solid. Isn’t it about time you knew for sure?” 

Jensen looks up at him. “You really love this matchmaker stuff, don’t you?”

Jeff places his hand over Jensen’s. “Guess I’m just an old romantic softy at heart. So how about you do this old man a favor, huh?” 

“And what would that be?”

“Don’t fuck me tonight. And don’t fuck that guy that you’ve fooled yourself into thinking is your boyfriend. Get on a damn plane and tell that kid you love him, once and for all.”

Jensen stiffens, resolutely ignoring the L word. 

“I’ll think about it,” he says. It’s all he’s able to give right now. 

Jeff’s eyes soften and he leans in for a slow, soft kiss. Jensen opens up to him, shaking with nervous energy. 

They pull back after a little while and Jensen laughs into Jeff’s neck as he’s wrapped up in a hug. “Can’t believe you’re going to deny the world seeing us on camera, man. This was your chance to get back on the map.” 

He feels Jeff’s smile against his hair. “I’ll make the sacrifice. There are some things in life that are more important than porn, Jensen.” 

Yeah. Jensen is coming to realize that himself.  
_______________________________

Three days and a hell of a lot of thinking later, Jensen is on a plane to L.A. Matt had been pretty blasé about the break up. (“What the hell,” he’d said, lip quirking at one side. “It’s not like we were ever some great love affair.” And Jensen can’t say he’s _wrong_ , can’t say it was ever like that--and now that it is, he knows what was missing.)

He told Matt to take his time finding another place. He talked to Chris and Steve about crashing on their couch for a while if it turned out he needed to. If it doesn’t work out with Jared. 

Jared. Jensen can’t stop his leg from twitching on the plane. He has no plan, no speech, nothing besides showing up at Jared’s door and hoping it isn’t closed in his face. He can’t shake the feeling that he’s missed his chance. That they had a window of opportunity and it had closed. Maybe there’s been too much history, too much water under the bridge to make this happen now. 

Jensen imagines a million different scenarios in the taxi on the way to Jared’s apartment. He’s prepared for him to not be home, or to be with Brock or to be in the middle of fucking someone for OnlyFans. When Jensen finally knocks on the door his heart is pounding in his ears and he feels like he’s going to be sick. He’s never been this nervous in his whole life. Not during his first acting audition or his first porn shoot or his first live show. 

He’s knocked on the door for a fourth time and is ready to give up and admit Jared’s not home when he hears the lock turn. There’s Jared, blinking sleepily at Jensen. His eyes widen when he realizes who it is. He looks adorable, long hair askew, two-day old stubble on his cheeks, sporting his grey sweatpants and a Pearl Jam t-shirt. Jensen has never been so in love in all his life. The feeling slams into him. 

“Jen?” Jared’s voice is muzzy. He scratches at his face, smooths down his hair. “What -- what are you doing here, man? You alright? Sorry, I think I fell asleep in front of the TV.” 

Jensen can’t stop staring at him, just taking in -- _Jared_. All of Jared. He clears his too-dry throat. “Yeah. You -- um, you alone?” 

“Huh?” Jared looks so adorably confused, leaning one arm against the door frame, the two of them still standing in the threshold. “Yeah.” 

“Good,” Jensen says, pulse jumping in his neck. “Good, because -- because here’s the thing, Jay. I’m -- I’m fucking in love with you. And I broke up with Matt and got on a plane to tell you that. And I know you’re with someone and you can tell me I’m selfish and to fuck off if you want to, but. I just needed you to know.” 

Jensen’s practically out of breath by the time he’s done speaking. Jared’s staring like he’s never seen Jensen before, eyes wide open. 

Jensen is still struggling to breathe until Jared begins to smile. It’s a slow, gorgeous smile that takes over his entire face. 

“What took you so _long_?” he half whispers. 

“I was stuck in traffic,” Jensen says, deliberately completing the dialogue; it’s from that Cameron Crowe movie Jared loves. He made Jensen watch it just because Eddie Vedder has a cameo in it. Jensen has no idea if Jared realizes he's quoted it himself, but hell, if this is going to be his movie moment, then Jensen is going to _commit_.

Jared laughs delightedly and then pulls him in for their screen kiss, tilting Jensen’s head back and to the side, lazily licking into his mouth. They’ve kissed hundreds of times by now, but there’s something brand new about this one. Like they’re wiping the slate clean with every flick of tongue and crush of lips. 

They make out in the doorway, then against the door. Jensen can’t get enough of Jared’s lips, his taste, the fact that they’re apparently in this, feeling this, together. When they make their way through Jared’s living room, it’s hand in hand. 

In the bedroom, Jensen tenses up involuntarily when he spots the camera set up near the bed on a tripod, the sheets a little rumpled. Jealousy takes hold of him, and Jensen flushes with shame. He’s got no right, really, feeling this way. 

Jared must sense something and he turns to Jensen, taking his face in his hands. “Hey. This is us, Jen. It’s always been us.” 

“Yeah,” Jensen whispers, voice rough. “Yeah, it really has been.” Then they’re kissing again, hard and rough. When they tumble onto Jared’s bed Jensen isn’t thinking about the men who have been in it before or who may be again. He’s only thinking of the way their bodies move in unison, the way Jared’s hands map his body reverently, as though this is the first time they’ve ever touched. 

Jared takes him apart, piece by piece. It isn’t how Jensen expected tonight to go, when he’d allowed himself to imagine this working out. But he finds it is what he wants, even what he needs. Jared tells Jensen how he feels with every touch of his hands and every lick of his tongue. After what feels like forever, Jensen is gently turned onto his stomach, and Jared rims him into incoherency. 

By the time Jared is inside of him, Jensen’s a mess. He grabs onto Jared’s shoulders, wrapping his legs around Jared’s waist as they fuck, slow and steady and devastating. 

Jensen’s never felt more connected during sex than he does right now. By the time they come, gasping each other’s names into their mouths, Jensen is shaking. 

Afterwards they collapse together, legs intertwined and arms wrapped around each other. Jared’s hair is tickling Jensen’s chest, his lips hot on his skin. 

“I’m not with Brock anymore,” Jared says after a little while. Jared’s fingers trace patterns along his rib cage. “He was a substitute. For the real thing.” 

Jensen can breathe easier. 

A smile is forming on his lips when Jared lifts his head, looks right at Jensen and says, “I love you. I’ve loved you for so goddamn long, Jensen Ross Ackles. The real you, not JR Richardson who I was jerking off to when I was a teenager. You haven’t been that guy to me since after that first audition. And I’ve been falling in love with you since you first let me into your apartment and I’ve never stopped.”

Jensen’s heart flips over in his chest. He never thought anyone would really see him. _Know _him. Get inside of him in a way that wasn’t physical. He never thought he’d be on the receiving end of a declaration like that, because he never thought he wanted to be.__

__“But you told me from jump you didn’t do boyfriends,” Jared says, “and I’m not one to push someone into something they don’t want.”_ _

__“Respectful southern boy.” Jensen smiles, ruffling Jared’s already messy hair. “Christ, c’mere.” Jensen pulls Jared down to him and kissing him long and slow, smiling into it and feeling Jared’s smile in return. “I want a boyfriend,” Jensen says as they break apart, breathing shallowly against Jared’s lips. “In case that wasn’t obvious yet.”_ _

__Jared laughs. “Think I got that part.” Then he kisses him some more, rolling Jensen beneath him. When Jared pulls back again he’s smiling wide, dimples full on display and hair in front of his eyes. “I can’t believe you quoted _Singles_ at me.”_ _

__Jensen laughs loudly and tugs him back down again._ _

__Jensen never expected Jared Padalecki. Never thought he truly wanted or needed something like this, like what Jared can give him, _has_ been giving him all along. _ _

__He’s really glad to have been so wrong.  
_________________________________ _

__It’s a few months later and Jensen’s constantly surprised by how little things have changed, dynamic-wise, between them. There’s been no real adjustment period between fuckbuddies to boyfriends, and Jared loves to playfully rub that in Jensen’s face._ _

__Jared asked him to move in almost immediately; Jensen would’ve teased him for going too fast if theirs hadn’t been the most glacial relationship evolution in history. Instead, Jensen sold a bunch of his shit and moved happily back to L.A. He _had_ missed the city a bit, but he’d missed Jared more. He got that change of pace he wanted, and now it’s out of his system._ _

__Their friends congratulate them with many choruses of _about fucking time_. _ _

__By the time they both see Jeff again they’ve been exclusive on camera with only one another, and mostly exclusive in private aside from the occasional threesome._ _

__(There’s never any repeats, the person never spends the night, and they’re always together for it, completely on the same page and secure in their feelings for one another.)_ _

__Jared, forever grateful to Jeff for getting Jensen’s head out of his ass, shows that appreciation eagerly on his knees in Jeff’s hotel room after a few drinks and quite a lot of mutual flirting all around._ _

__Jared asks before he does anything, looks Jensen straight in the eye to make sure they’re fully onboard with this and not heading for a repeat of that night at the video awards. It’s more than okay with Jensen, dick heavy in his pants as he watches Jared lick sloppily at the head of Jeff’s cock. They’re both able to let go in a way they hadn’t during their first threesome with Jeff._ _

__Jensen and Jeff confess to Jared the fantasies they’d had about him after that first audition, how it had fueled on their own blisteringly hot marathon session._ _

__Afterward, they all lay together in a sweaty, panting, tangled heap, and mutually agree this is something that absolutely could -- and should -- happen between the three of them again; his and Jared’s relationship is more than secure enough for it and Jeff is more than happy to partake in some ridiculously hot sex with younger men._ _

__By summer they’re the Mega-Couple of the porn world, doing exclusive shoots with various studios for some “real life couples” compilations, while still filming their OnlyFans videos, their subscriptions having skyrocketed since “coming out.”_ _

__Life is pretty damn good.  
__________________________________ _

__** Epilogue ** _ _

__ three years later - 2012 _ _

___I somehow find  
You and I collide_ _ _

__They’re kissing, arms wrapped around each other, slow and deep with no real intent or hurry while the camera and lighting is set up around them._ _

__“Kinda feels like déjà vu, huh?” Jensen murmurs against Jared’s jaw, teeth grazing his stubble._ _

__“Hmm?” He palms one big hand down Jensen’s back, strong and firm._ _

__“You, me, Jeff, and a casting couch,” Jensen elaborates, ducking his head to kiss Jared’s throat and feeling his pulse beat wild and fast beneath his mouth. “Not much has changed.”_ _

__Jared hums. “Oh, I dunno. _Some_ things have changed.” He reaches for Jensen’s left hand in emphasis, tangling their fingers together so their heavy silver bands clink together. Jensen will never get over how that feels. _ _

__He’s about to say something equally sappy when he hears a throat being cleared._ _

__“If you lovebirds are through, we’ve got an intro to shoot.” Jeff’s voice is gruff, but Jensen can hear the masked amusement beneath._ _

__They’d “retired” from the business after Jared popped the question. Then they’d taken nearly two years off, just enjoying life and one another. They both have a lot of money saved from what they’ve made via past projects and the website, and do some modeling here and there for anything additional. Starting the production company had been a no-brainer in the end. They’d even teasingly talked about it after the first time they’d had sex in Jensen’s apartment, all those years ago._ _

__Jensen doesn’t at all miss the studio shoots, live shows, or webcam performances with various studs in the industry; he’s been enjoying these past three years of monogamy more than he’d ever thought he would._ _

__“Alright, old man, hold your horses,” Jensen mumbles before lifting his mouth up to Jared’s for one more kiss._ _

__“Don’t sass me, boy, or I’ll put you over my knee.”_ _

__Jared laughs into the kiss and Jensen breaks away to stage whisper, “He’s been threatening that for years now, and has never once followed through.”_ _

__Jared hums. “Well, there’s always a first time for everything.”_ _

__Jensen’s dick twitches at that. Jared’s eyes have gone dark, and his voice holds a teasing promise._ _

__“You two about ready now?” Jeff asks, voice a little rough as he looks between them with a heated gaze of his own. There is no doubt that he overheard them about the spanking. Jensen bites his lip in anticipation of what might be in store for his ass in a few hours._ _

__The only exception to their “one time only” threesome rule is Jeff, who has an open invitation into their bed._ _

__(Jeff and Jared had finally become friends, once that Jared had gotten over some misplaced concept of competition. They could go out to a bar or take in a game. Jared would make Jeff laugh just like he made everyone laugh and Jeff couldn’t stop himself from hooking an arm around Jared’s neck and planting a loud, sloppy kiss on his temple, leaving Jared blushing and Jensen happy that they could get along so well.)_ _

__Jeff currently has his eye on some photographer named Norman back in Seattle -- the two of them locked in an odd courtship dance. Jared has been far too excited about the prospect, because Jared truly is a big old puppy dog that adores a good romance. So it’s debatable exactly how much extracurricular playtime they have left together. But for now, they’ll continue to take advantage of it whenever the opportunity arises (so to speak) and Jeff makes his way down to Austin._ _

__“Ready,” Jensen says firmly, straightening to sit up against the back of the couch. Their bodies press together as Jared rearranges himself too, his arm slung across Jensen’s shoulders and his solid presence constantly grounding Jensen, making him feel at home._ _

__Close to thirty, Jared is all lean muscle now, losing a bit of the mass he’d had in his twenties. His hair comes to just above his shoulders, and it’s still Jensen’s favorite thing to sink his fingers into. He’s been sporting a beard on occasion lately (Jensen as well) and there is a tall, hot lumberjack quality to him that Jensen can hardly handle. His husband is the hottest thing on two legs, but he’s also the nicest, funniest, and most caring person Jensen has ever met or will ever meet. Sometimes he has no damn clue how he’s gotten so lucky._ _

__“Alright. Ready in 3, 2…”_ _

__Jeff gives them the hand motion and then the red light from the camera’s spot on the tripod blinks on._ _

__“Hi, I’m Jared.”_ _

__“And I’m Jensen.”_ _

__“You probably know us better as JT Austin and JR Richardson, but today we come to you not as the pornstars you’ve watched for years, but as the founders and executive producers of a new company, J² Productions.”_ _

__“A company we hope you’ll embrace for all your porn needs for years to -- well -- come,” Jensen adds, smirking._ _

__“Nice one, honey,” Jared says, rolling his eyes affectionately in his direction. Jensen kisses the air back at him._ _

__Jared’s arm tightens around Jensen’s shoulder as he continues talking. “We’ll venture out of retirement to feature together in a few videos from time to time, but what we’re really here to do is highlight both up-and-coming models in the business, as well as some familiar faces. And a portion of the proceeds of each video you download or buy will go toward helping raise awareness of mental health issues.”_ _

__Jensen squeezes Jared’s hand. “And you’ll see some industry exclusive ‘tops’ bottoming, and vice versa. We don’t pigeonhole anyone here.”_ _

__“Heh, you said hole,” Jared interrupts, doing his best Beavis impression._ _

__“Real mature, babe.”_ _

__Jared smiles sweetly at him and Jensen can’t help but crack up._ _

__“ _Anyway_ , as I was saying -- anything goes here and we really hope you’ll enjoy what we have to offer. We’ll also be working with some known directors who used to be in the business themselves and I’m even going to try my hand behind the camera myself at some point. But right now we’ve got J.D. Morgan, who is filming this right now and will be shooting the very first video for J² Productions as soon as I stop talking.” _ _

__Jared laughs. “So how about he stops talking, huh, and you guys enjoy the action. We’ve got vets Tom Welling and Michael Rosenbaum on tap for you.”_ _

__“Mmm, I’ve got something you can ‘tap’,” Jensen leers, turning his face to nuzzle Jared’s throat._ _

__Jared tilts Jensen’s head up, kisses him slow and deep before breaking away and looking back at the camera. “Okay, we’re gonna go make out now. Be sure to check out our website, follow us on Twitter, all that jazz. That information is flashing on your screens right now. We’ll see ya on the flipside!”_ _

__They kiss again, slow and sweet, and then Jeff yells “Cut.”_ _

__“Perfect, you guys. Glad you convinced me not to have that scripted.”_ _

__Jensen nuzzles his face against Jared again before turning to look at Jeff beneath his lashes. “If there’s one thing we’ve always known from day one, it's that our chemistry is off the charts. Right, babe?”_ _

__He looks at Jared. Jensen still has no idea how he missed the love in Jared’s eyes for so long._ _

__“You said it,” Jared murmurs, kissing him again._ _

__“Alright, alright. I swear, you two have been in the honeymoon stage for seven years, even if you’ve only been married for two.”_ _

__Jared and Jensen break away again and look at each other, shrugging sheepishly. They can’t exactly argue with that._ _

__“Now scram. I’ve got a scene to shoot.” Jeff is in full director mode now and Mike and Tom have just come down the stairs of the house he owns with Jared, smiling and waving in their direction. It’s almost surreal sometimes, thinking about how he’s a homeowner with a husband._ _

__In their first year together they’d taken some time to travel, headed back to Texas to do the official “meet the family” thing, which went pretty damn well, all things considered. No one seemed terribly surprised that they’d finally gotten together. Jensen supposes it _had_ been rather obvious over that one Christmas. _ _

__While in Texas they’d found themselves hanging out in Austin a lot. It seems kind of inevitable that they’ve ended up living there. Hell, eventually moving to Austin someday was a desire of Jared’s that he’d voiced to Jensen during their very first meeting.They settled there after getting married in a small ceremony with friends and family in New Hampshire, where same-sex marriage had been newly legalized. Jensen is still holding out for the day when their marriage is recognized in all states, but for now he’ll take what he can get._ _

__Once finally living somewhere that feels more permanent — and bound together in name -- the idea of the production company came up again and they’d set about making it a reality. Jared had been particularly invested in raising some of the money they made for mental health awareness, and Jensen couldn’t have been more supportive._ _

__They fixed up the basement of their house as the main J² Productions set, although they also had office space rented out for official business matters. The basement is more than big enough for what they need and they’d gone and added in a bathroom with a glass door shower and jacuzzi tub, too. They’ve started talking about kids recently, but it’s early days there and Jensen absolutely isn’t going to have porn shot in the same place he’s raising a family, so things would need to be rearranged whenever that happened._ _

__Dogs are most likely in their more immediate future. Jared has wanted at least two since they first purchased the house, but they’d still been traveling a lot at that point and it wouldn’t have been fair. Now that things are finally off the ground with the company, he’s begun to get pretty insistent about it again and has a set of puppy dog eyes himself that Jensen can never seem to resist; he knows he’ll been caving sooner rather than later._ _

__Aside from making porn out of their home, their lives are pretty run of the mill. Jensen has begun singing at a open mic night recently, finally letting himself be that vulnerable. Sex on camera, or even when he’d done live shows in person, was easy. It was something he could do without thinking, without really _feeling_. Singing, though -- that takes emotional effort. And apparently when he’d finally let himself feel for Jared, it helped in chipping away at that brick too. Chris and Steve had been ecstatic, and came out to see him play a few times, Jared’s guitar in Jensen’s hands and his eyes on him the entire time. _ _

__“We’ll just go and warm up the bed till you get there, old man,” Jensen murmurs to Jeff as they take their leave. They brush past him, hand in hand, while Jared runs his free hand discreetly over Jeff’s ass._ _

__“Goddamn teases, the both of you,” Jeff grumbles._ _

__Jensen and Jared laugh as they race one another up the stairs to their room and, most importantly, their giant California king. It more than accommodates two men their size, and is fantastic for whenever they add Jeff to the mix. They’re still laughing as they fall onto the mattress together, mouths and hands everywhere. Still as intoxicated with one another as they were that first day day they met, and utterly and irrevocably in love._ _

__There might’ve been a long time ( _far too long_ ) in between that audition room and Jensen’s dramatic love confession, but Jensen figures the journey is simply part of life. _ _

__And that life might not be anything like Jensen envisioned it would be upon arriving in L.A. at eighteen years of age, but that’s fine by him._ _

__His life isn’t just pretty damn good; it’s as close to perfect as it can get._ _

__The End._ _

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in the works for a long, long time and as I said above, was initially inspired by OnlyFans videos between Austin and Armond which feature tons of low whispers, intimacy, and endearments. Many of the fic's sex scenes are based on real life porn scenes, particularly of Armond and Austin, and a lot of J2's dirty talk/quiet confessions in the fic's OnlyFans scenes were paraphrased from Austin and Armond's own videos. At one point, Austin wrote a blurb on his site (paraphrased by Jensen in the fic) about how he's never had more sexual chemistry with anyone as he does with Armond, that they've slept together many, many times over the years, and the how Armond is the only person he's slept with more than his boyfriend. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Comments are love.


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